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Philosophy/religion

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Struggling to believe I could be forgiven and to forgive myself.

15 replies

lola0106 · 03/12/2013 14:47

A year ago I did something awful. I really don't want to go into the details as it's so painful, I was going through a very hard time as I was depressed, caused by the hormones in my implant. Someone very close to me got very hurt and I hurt myself in the process.

I'm so much better now and my relationship with the other person is better than it has ever been. I'm very very happy now but I'm struggling to forgive myself and move on. The other person says they understand what caused the issues and has forgiven me completely. I also am really struggling to believe that God could forgive me for what I've done. I do believe in an all forgiving, loving God but why would he forgive me for something so terrible? (I didn't break any laws)

I don't really know what I'm expecting from posting this, just needed to get it off my chest! Does anyone perhaps have any advice?

OP posts:
crescentmoon · 03/12/2013 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 03/12/2013 16:54

Yes God can and does forgive. You just have to believe that you can forgive yourself which sounds more of the issue right now.

octopusinasantasack · 03/12/2013 19:23

lola in my experience it is much much harder to forgive yourself than it is to accept that God will forgive you. One will follow on from the other but you do need to forgive yourself first.

I'm now an atheist, but if you are a believer then you might find this book to be useful.

Beastofburden · 03/12/2013 19:31

It sounds as if you feel you don't deserve to be forgiven. I am sure you would not be this harsh on somebody else who had done the same thing. We are all harshest on ourselves.

When I feel bad about something, sometimes I feel that I need to do something as a form of penance, though in my case, the motivation isn't religious. Do you have time, for instance, to volunteer with a suitable charity for a few weekends, or do Crisis at christmas this Christmas, or the local homeless shelter, or similar?

Not that you need to do something specific before you deserve to be forgiven. The Christian teaching is that all you need to do is to be sincerely sorry, which you clearly are. But sometimes we actually need help in making our apology tangible enough for us to feel that, yes, we can forgive ourselves now, it's over.

lola0106 · 03/12/2013 20:10

Thank you everyone, your posts rely help. I think the issue is definitely trying to forgive myself. I am very critical of myself and really do struggle to believe I deserve to be forgiven for bad decisions I have made in life.

I've had to take a step back from church due to very severe SPD, I think that has had an impact in moving on as I'm not around my church family. Hopefully once baby is here I can get stuck in again. Thank you everyone for your kind words

OP posts:
silver28 · 03/12/2013 21:53

I'm currently reading What's So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yaxley. I think you might find it helpful.

silver28 · 03/12/2013 22:11

Sorry that should be Yancey.

Italiangreyhound · 07/12/2013 01:00

Lola have you read the story of the prodigal son?

You know it I am sure. Luke 15:11-32.

The guy asks for half the money from his dad. It's his inheritance. But his dad is still alive. In a way it's like saying 'I wish you were dead, dad.' Now his dad gives him the money and he goes and spends it. He spends it on wine and prostitutes. He could have spent it on package holidays and take-aways. It doesn't really matter. When it is all gone and he is broke and famine hits the land; he takes the only job he can find, the worst job, looking after pigs. It's a crap job and he probably stinks from mucking out the pigs. He's hungry and one day he comes to his senses (because once we know what we did wrong we kind of come back to ourselves) and he knows his dad is such a great man he treats his servants better than he is being treated.

So he goes back to his dad planning what he will say, how he will just be a servant. And the story says while he was still a way off the father saw him, he didn't need to get all the way back and starts telling his dad all the stuff he planned to say about not being worthy.. and the story says (in The Message version)...

"But the father wasn’t listening. He was calling to the servants, ‘Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We’re going to feast! We’re going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!’ And they began to have a wonderful time."

I bet he was still all smelly from the pigs but I bet his dad hugged him close to himself.

Traditionally we tell this story about people coming back to God. But it is also a story about forgiveness.

The father in the story is God, and he is ready to forgive at the drop of a hat! Why, because it is who he is, and because he loves us – he loves us for who we are, his children. To not accept that forgiveness would be a bit like going back and insisting on being a servant. But the father makes it clear ‘Put the family ring on his finger’, he is not a servant, he is a son. So when God forgives he restores us, we don’t need to carry that shame around with us, he has dealt with it.

When your little one is older s/he will make mistakes, will you forgive? Now imagine if that forgiveness is not accepted, how will you feel?

God has already forgiven you, because of who he is and because of who you are, his beloved daughter. You do not need to hold onto this any longer. And even if you do not feel it fully yet, maybe you could say to God 'I accept your forgiveness and I want to move on. I know you love me like a father or mother rejoicing." or words to that affect. Then go on with your life and live it for his glory.

These things that happen to us, the things we do wrong, our cock ups and mistakes are terrible, but to hang onto them, when God wants to wipe the slate clean; that is even harder. You are treasured, treasure yourself.

headinhands · 07/12/2013 07:25

Hi Lola. I would concentrate on the fact the person who you let down says they understand how it happened and that you will understand in time. I don't believe in a loving god but even if I did why would one need to be forgiven by him. If I hurt someone it's between me and that person and any other individuals directly affected.

Dutchoma · 08/12/2013 10:11

Also, on top of what everybody else has said, to God there is not 'big' sin and 'little' sin, all sin is abhorrent to Him and will spoil the relationship between His holiness and our sinfulness.
So, although this sin is massive to you, to God it is just sin. Jesus came into the world to take our sin on Himself. Therefore: "if we confess our sin He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness". 1John 1:9.
So God has forgiven your sin already (as someone else has already said) and you can walk absolutely free. Hallelujah. Just feel that forgiveness of the Lord like warm sunshine on a spring day. You are forgiven, you are free. Not through anything you have done, but through what Jesus has done for you.
I wish you every blessing in the remainder of your pregnancy, a safe and happy delivery and joy with your newborn baby.

TeacupDrama · 08/12/2013 14:39

no-one deserves to be forgiven as if we deserved it would not need to be forgiven, it would be justice/fairness not mercy/forgiveness

you can't earn forgiveness, grace or mercy they are a free gift from God to all of us,

not only does God forgive sin he also forgets it, a just God can not demand payment for sin twice quote from really old hymn by Augustus Toplady old fashioned language but you will get the drift

If thou hast my discharge procured,
And freely in my room endured
The whole of wrath divine,
Payment God cannot twice demand—
First at my bleeding Surety’s hand,
And then again at mine.

you need to believe God when he says that your sin is forgiven he can, has and will forgive more sin, greater sin etc

TonksLupin · 08/12/2013 23:49

I am the OP under a different name (had to change as felt I almost outed myself on another post).

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone. You have no idea how much you have helped!!

lisad123everybodydancenow · 09/12/2013 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springythatlldo · 09/12/2013 02:31

ah I could feel the release as I was reading through your thread, Tonks. Isn't there an analogy in the bible about something on a peg falling away? That's how it felt when I was reading through, like the angst and pain of this fell away.

I sincerely hope you're free now, lovely. I wish you well with your pg.

LetZygonsbeZygons · 14/12/2013 18:31

Op, Ive pm'd you.

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