Religion for the sake of Education?

[thezoo]

Bit of a long story sorry

I moved to a new area 4 years back met other half and am currently 22+? i forget. I don't have family around me in my new area and it is effectively cut off by means of being an island so limits my choices and support

My own personal beliefs do not (i believe) come under a heading, . . . if you have ever read any Terry Pratchett especially the Hogfather . . . well i know im mad different but it sums up my beliefs actually very well or at least as close as i can get without typing for 3 hours trying to explain

My partner is Catholic (not practicing and knows less about his religion than i do ) as is his entire very large family.
Some mainly the older ones are practicing Catholics while the younger ones have the same belief system's but being younger don't necessarily do much about it, his family has for 5+ generations been baptized and attended these specific schools

He wants her baptized for a chance at a good education

They want her Baptized for their beliefs and family tradition

I am being pushed to get my unborn daughter baptized as the schools were i am are not the best but a local Catholic secondary school has amazing results but only takes those of "the faith" and they are both using that as an excuse

I don't believe its right for them to be pushing their religious beliefs upon my daughter just being baptized is no guarantee she will get in firstly and secondly i don't understand why when her parents are of different faiths she must belong to the one which is more "local" i was allowed to make up my own mind when i was older i feel this is what i would like for her

Also i do not wish to lie to the Father? as i can't believe that when asked why we want her baptized i can site education as a valid reason

Should i go along with them and get her Baptized and shut my mouth or refuse to have it done on moral grounds?

Thanks for any opinions x

thezoo as your child is not yet born (congratulations) I would spend some time investigating what you feel about your husbands 'faith' and see how you feel about it when it actually becomes an issue for you as a couple.

To lay my cards on the table I am a Christian and for me the Christian faith is important and amazing and well worth investigating! My husband and I have a nine year old DD and when she was born we both felt differently about what to do! Although we were both Christians and had both gone to Anglican (Church of England Churches) before we met, which generally baptises (Christens) babies and children.

When I was a young Christian (aged about 18) I had gone to a Baptist church, where young children and babies are some times dedicated and not baptised.

My DH and I attended a big Anglican church together after we got married and the church we attended offered the option to for children to be baptised (Christened) or dedicated. So anyway, DH felt we should have DD baptised and I thought we should have her dedicated! We decided to explore it a bit more and prayed/thought about it and read a book called 'The water that divides'.

www.christianfocus.com/item/show/1133/

Anyway, after reading that book I changed my mind and felt we should have her baptised and DH changed his mind and felt we should have her dedicated! So we decided to have her dedicated an as an adult or as an older child/teenager she will have the choice to be baptised herself if she wishes to.

I am telling you this long-winded (well done if you have read it all!) story because I believe...
It is an important decision
It should be a joint decision
You or your DH may change your minds in the coming months

Finally, if it is a matter of just doing it for a better school and neither of you believes in it then I would honestly say it does not matter! It does not matter to you what happens and I am guessing the church or may not mind. If you told the father at the church your thoughts he may either refuse to baptise your child or he may actually engage with you as a family. To some extend you are lying in the service if you make promises about how you will bring her up. Whether this bothers you or not is your call. Ultimately you and DH need to talk about it and find the way forward. Also, I would finally say if this is a secondary school things can change a lot and it may not be the best school around by the time your child goes to school, or you may have moved.

Enjoy your time preparing for your new child and I hope this lovely baby brings you and DH closer and fills your life with wonder and joy.

Blessings.

I wouldn't do it, either the baptism or the school.

I say this because it is not just the baptism, if she is baptised and attends an RC school then she will be expected to make her first communion and confirmation. As they are talking about a secondary school baptism isn't enough.

Are you planning any more children? If one is baptized you can't really not 'do' the other children if you have any (btw congratulations on this one).

I totally agree with the poster above it is an important decision and it should be a joint one.

Now if your partner has attended RC schools he will have been told all his life that his children MUST be brought up RC. It might not even occur to him that they might not be, or that someone has a different opinion.

I think you need to stop seeing baptism as a one off, it is the start of a journey, one you may not want your daughter to take, or one that you might very much want her to take.

I suspect that your partner's Catholicism is as cultural as it is religious but that doesn't stop it being important to him and his family. As said above, for those of us who are religious, baptism is the start of a faith journey and not just a rite of passage.

You are being very sensible to think of this now as for a RC baptism you do not have much time to make the decision for or against as it is traditionally done prior to 6 months. It may be worth having a chat with your local parish priest and be honest about your husband's wishes and your lack of belief.

Baptism does not stop your baby choosing which faith to follow, she will make up her own mind as she grows up but she can't choose what she isn't exposed to. You may not like your partner's faith but just like any multi faith couple you are going to have to negotiate how you manage it as it won't go away.

Thanks everyone for the comments some really good points which have set me thinking again
With the pressure from his family, they are now talking about a double ceremony as his cousin is due a few months before me, it would be a very early thing and i feel pressured into saying yes so i can just enjoy the time with her

I thankfully have no issues about his faith nor any others (the same cant be said for him or our parents unfortunately)
I've asked him before and he's said that "if it wasn't for the difference in the quality of the schools he wouldn't bother to get her baptized"

with regards to how many children that depends my heath isn't the best but by no means the worst, If the rest of the pregnancy is an easyish one i may think about one more maximum in a few years but it hasn't been plain sailing so far so the possibility of also baptizing another child is one that won't come up for a while

I have no problem with her deciding to be baptized or even choosing any other religion if it has real meaning for her but i believe it should be her decision and one made when she is old enough to understand and make an informed decision this age will be different for all children as they are all individuals

I'd rather she made her own decision and think i may have to face them down . . . scary (time to hide behind the dogs)

xxx

I am an ex catholic and I dearly wish I had been given the choice. Unfortunately mum is atheist/doesn't care, and Dad is Catholic so she went along with his choice. I also went through the motions of First holy Communion simply because I didn't know there were options, and it wasn't until it came time for confirmation that I said I thought it was all hokum and I didn't want any part of it. Unfortunately many Catholics will believe that I am still one of them and that there is no such thing as an ex-Catholic, you cannot undo baptism.

I have a very similar story to Italiangreyhounds. DH is in favour of infant baptism. I am generally not because I believe baptism is a sign of personal faith (not your parents faith and very definitely not a sign of which school your parents might like you to go to). Despite that I have a lot of Christian friends who do baptise their children and I know it is a sign of real faith and belief which is great to see.

I looked very very carefully at the baptism liturgy (words used in the ceremony) and I can't in all conscience go along with it because I don't think I can make those commitments on DCs behalf. We have agreed not to baptise our children and to wait until they want to make that commitment for themselves.

I really appreciate your point of view and think you and your DH need to take the ceremony quite seriously. For believers they are big big promises. If you don't believe it really is best to leave it. A good compromise could be to go to preparation classes/adult education at the local church and find out what baptism is about and then make an informed decision from there.

If you aren't keen on baptism you probably aren't going to be hugely keen on the rest of the Catholic education - first communion, confirmation etc..