Spiritually adrift and afraid to commit

[poorincashrichinlove]

I've been on something of a spiritual quest for much of my adolescent and adult life. I suppose I'm looking to feel at home with a community of likeminded people. I'm now in my mid thirties and have yet to commit to any doctrine/belief system/group and I'm feeling spiritually adrift.

I've recently done Alpha course with a lovely bunch of people but christianity doesn't feel right for me. Buddhism is the closest philosophy I 've come across that makes sense but I suffer from bouts of depression and find it difficult to go to meetings ( I live rerally and meetings are in the city so travel and lanning required). I guess I also feel not good enough on some level to be a buddhist.

Has anyone else experienced similar or are there any pearls of wisdom you'd like to share?

Thst's 'rurally' and 'planning'

Ooh I'm sorry I can't help but I'm interested in your replies as I'm 'spiritually adrift' too!

I can't stop questioning, although I wish I could. I find that feeds my anxiety and depression.

Bump!

Ok, please forgive me if I paraphrase slightly and might not address your main point- but is it just the lack of a community type setting you are missing? OR, is it a belief system to belong to, and explore, and follow?

Whilst I don't hold steadfast to any religion, I do have beliefs based upon what I have experienced. Therefore, not following 'taught' or teachings from religions. I started to build up a relationship with angels, and also read some books by Doreen Virtue a few years back. This met with my interest so I gave it some time, and eventually I could see angels, and speak with them. I know this probably isn't exactly what you are meaning, but it does open up different avenues of experiences....meeting likeminded others etc, it sometimes is easier to meet online.....

Your point re not being good enough to be a buddist - shake that out of your head if you can. If you are interested in it, and can manage some of the time, then just allow yourself to explore at your own rate.

Lots of love xx

Hi there. It sounds as though you are at the beginning of your spiritual awakening. It can be very discombobulating indeed and is not all celestial choirs as you have discovered.

The first thing I would say is you don't have to commit to anything. Check out local places of worship that interest you. Many places have an online presence, so start there. Then, if one arouses your interest, go along. You can go to one act of worship and never return if it's not for you.

Why not post your questions here Milkhell? There may be people who can help you. I also must point out that some posters may come to ridicule, ignore them if you can. Get them out of your head (I know that sometimes there are so many questions that sometimes it can feel as though your head will explode).

Isn't it more important what's true than what feels right for you?

One book I read suggested praying something like: 'Dear God, if you are there (and I don't know if you are), I want to tell you that I am a sincere seeker after truth. Show me if the Bible is from you. Show me if Jesus is your Son and the one who came to save. If you bring conviction to my heart, I will trust him as my Saviour and follow him as my Lord.' Then read through the first four books of the New Testament with an open mind, and notice any different things happening in your life. The writer (John Stott) said it is impossible to pray such a prayer and be disappointed.

I spent three years searching (I don't think I actually used that prayer.) Near the beginning someone gave me a Bible quotation. It said, 'You will find me when you seek me with all your heart ... I will be found by you, says the Lord.' I found this to be true. I wish you all the best in your search.

Cheese, you don't think Muslims feel they are sincerely seeking the truth?

Hi Poor, I have total sympathy for your dilemma. I've been doing a LOT of searching over the years and have been interested in just about every religion under the sun! I've been really interested in Buddhism but somehow it just didn't seem to fit me. Then I remembered one Buddhist (either Dalai Lama or Thich Naht Hanh) say you don't have to change religions you can just stick with what you were brought up with. (I'm paraphrasing but that was the gist of it) So in that spirit I've found to my total surprise that I've become really interested in Catholicism. I've been greatly inspired by the new Pope - who really does walk the walk - rather than talk the talk which so many of his predecessors have done. Anyway the point of all this is - feel free to shop around, enjoy the journey. Just because you start going to a church / temple / mosque whatever give yourself time to get used to it, don't expect to feel totally at home.. (one Catholic website I've found helpful is www.conversion diary.com - the videos are hilarious)
Sorry to hear about the depression. I know mindfulness is meant to be a great help in easing the condition.
Have you tried retreats - buddhist or otherwise?
Sorry for rambling on... but I just wanted to say hi!

I relate in a lot of ways to what you are saying and I understand how tricky it can be being in that situation of feeling there is something more but struggling to find what.

If you are interested (you might not be and they is fine!) my story is that I grew up with an atheist background but that never sat right with me. I always felt that there was something more. I spent most of my teens and early 20s exploring different religions. I read about Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism various types of paganism but for me there was something in each of them that just didn't sit right with me.

It wasn't until my mid 20s that I started looking into Christianity. I had listened to alpha discussions online a few years prior and hadn't found them hugely helpful. I don't really know what prompted me to look at it again but when I did something clicked for me. One of my friends brought me along to the church that she went to and it was through the worship, sermons and eventually small groups that things finally seemed to make sense to me.

I would really advise reading, talking to people from different faiths and denominations, listen to talks and discussions online, listen to music associated with different faiths. Just try to get a feeling for them, be opened minded and see where you end up.

I have some book suggestions if you are more of a book than a website person which explore different religions (not just Christianity) so if you are interested let me know and I can give you some good places to start