Completely confused about Catholic teachings on sexuality

[Shouldnthavesaid]

I haven't had sex, despite being 22, but suffer a barrage of gynae health issues and have had a lot of intervention.

Two things are currently happening that are concerning me a bit...

One is that I've had a mirena coil fitted to control heavy bleeding/pelvic pain/possible endometriosis. Am I right in thinking that I'd be unable to have intercourse now, as it's a form of birth control and a sin therefore? Doctor has talked a lot about contraception and pointed out that it sometimes works by stopping a fertilised egg from implanting (so an abortion?!)

The second problem is that I've been referred for psychosexual counselling, to try and come to an understanding of things and also to learn to cope with vaginisimus (involuntary muscle spasms). Part of the therapy, I've been told, will be learning to understand my own sexual responses (through "homework", my consultant said) and being able to use vaginal dilators to relax the muscles.

I'm a bit worried that a lot of this goes against the Church.. I can't quite bring myself to discuss it with anyone there least of all a priest given that they're all male.. but I'm not sure what to do. I wonder if I should have discussed it with the church sooner - as the appointment for the therapy's going to be within the next month..

I did consider talking to people on Catholic Answers but in the politest way possible, they're a scary bunch..

Does it seem like I'm going against teachings? What should I do?

Yes, a small minority of Catholics believe that the coil is an abortion - I must stress that it isn't really an abortion as a lot of the time the egg is not fertilised.

But technically it prevents it adhering to the womb.

The second part is easier answered. I'm so sorry to hear about your vaginusmus - but the exercises and masturbation are not against the Catholic Church in any way. Even in the most technical catholic doctrine there is nothing about women wanking (just men).

I think talking about contraception as sin without looking at the full picture isn't helpful. The Catholic teaching on contraception is about allowing free, self-giving love between married people which seeks to be like the amazing love of God. It's not just a random extra rule. (I'm not a Catholic and don't agree with it necessarily, but do understand and appreciate the theology of it!) People hopefully follow the Church teaching because they have personal faith and want to love their partner in a Godly way.

First port of call would be to pray about it. Think about your motivations, why are you having the coil fitted, is it what you want, what are the pros and cons. You seem to be having the coil for health reasons, and you aren't having sex so the contraceptive effect seems irrelevant at the moment? In that case this wouldn't be against official teaching.

If you are looking to follow church teaching on contraception I would guess that you might also be saving sex for marriage? In that case I think you could review the coil when you get to that stage, have a conversation with your partner and work out what you are both going to do re. contracepting or not. The official Catholic line is that you shouldn't have a coil as a contraceptive but lots of Catholics disagree and you might see it as a matter for your own conscience.

With the vaginisimus I guess again it is a health issue first. If you don't feel comfortable with the more sexual elements you are perfectly free to say that to your counsellor and stick to using the dilators or whatever. There isn't official teaching on that and again the 'right' response will be different in different circumstances and depends a lot on your motivations. Pray and ask God when you don't know!

Hope that helps a little.

Shouldn'thavesaid Catholic church teaching is that using medications and devices to help with medical issues is allowed even though the sad unintended side effect could be that a baby cannot implant in the womb. There are various medical conditions that need the use of the pill for example. You know you are not wanting or intending to cause an abortion and the church understands that. Remember the Church is also a mother (female).

Catholic Answers Forum can be naturally very random and it's easy for armchair theologians to believe they know the best solution for your situation. Rather than look for advice there I would talk to a knowledgable Catholic who knows and loves their faith, wether they are a priest, a religious sister or a wise and discerning lay person.

This might sound flippant, but I hold the view that if a contraception is permitted in Ireland, then it won't be an abortifacient. The mirena is widely available there.

The mirena coil works two ways - the coil won't allow eggs to implant, but the hormone stops the eggs from fertilizing in the first place. As you are not sexually active, there can be no question of you using a contraceptive/abortifacient anyway. You are using a medical device to control a physical problem that has side effects that are not applicable to you.

I think you will find that if you did discuss this with a priest, they will be more than understanding. (Remember, they lead pre-marriage classes and marriage guidance sessions, as well as reconciliation, so are probably unshockable despite appearances)

With regards vagismus, I've found this online, which is my thinking on it

Masturbation is defined in the catechism as "the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure". If the object of the stimulating action is to accomplish a medical good, then the masturbatory aspect of the act (the derivation of sexual pleasure) would fall under double effect as a secondary effect, and the stimulating act would not be sinful. It's the same principle as using birth control pills to fulfill medical needs.

I hope you find peace with this.

I wouldn't talk to a priest, they seem to have a very simplistic view of sex / babies and contraception. Actually I've found a lot of RC men do.

The best person to talk to would probably be the counselor. You will not be the first person to have religious views that might influence treatment.

And this is what you need to remember, this is medical treatment. As far as I know medical treatment is allowed even if an unintended consequence is something that is normally against RC rules. Eg abortion is normally a big no no, but in the case of an ectopic pregnancy surgery is permitted that removes the foetus.

(atheist who went to RC schools so might be out of date)