I feel like I am losing my faith.

[fluffyduckie]

Background - I wasn't brought up as a Christian and am the only one in my family. Very very few Christian friends and am still looking for a church home. I have been a Christian for a few years now and really truly felt like God was with me.

Now ..... There is a big issue in my life (terminally ill relative) and rather than turning towards God I feel like I am just free falling. I am hardly reading my Bible and I am really struggling to pray.

I don't have any believers around me which isn't helping as if I mention my doubts to family and friends I either get an odd look or a comment that it doesn't feel like God is with me because He doesn't exist.

I don't even know what my question is really but this is the toughest time I have ever faced in my life and I am failing.

OP, what do you think you are failing at?

My family need me to be strong for one thing but also I should be turning to God at times like this. Previous struggles sent me straight to prayer and the Bible and it really helped but now, with this big struggle, I am just falling away.

I think if I were a member of a church and had other believers around it would be easier.

I keep going over the things that I know for sure: God exists, He loves me, He died for me, He is with me. Nothing can change that, no matter how I'm feeling. And when I struggle to pray/read the Bible I try to make an extra effort to listen to worship music (can you get UCB radio? It's a digital channel). Can you start going to a church, even if it's just a temporary thing while you're struggling?

I listen to UCB and down load Joesph Prince preaches when I feel like that n then I give it up to God tell him I'm struggling and ask him to help me

It does take time PM me if you want to chat we call it running partners it's like prayer buddies helping each other to stay on track

Dealing with a loved one with terminal illness is incredibly difficult. I understand that you want to be strong for your family, but it is impossible for anyone person to be strong all the time so please don't put yourself under this sort of pressure. Be strong, but lean on your family when you are feeling less strong. Let them support you as you support them.

You say you may find life easier if you were part of a church. Are there any close-by that appeal to you?

There are two churches nearby (ish) that I haven't tried yet. I did do a bit of church hunting (not keen on that term!) about a year ago but the couple I tried didn't feel like home to me. There is a C of E church which I think is an old congregation and a church which is Assemblies of God - not really heard anything about that type of church and it is pretty new and small. Younger congregation apparently though! Just not sure what they believe. I know that I need to really get serious about finding a church but I put it off because I assume everyone there will be "proper" Christians, I am shy, and my family are against it.

I am listening to UCB inspiration at the moment - don't know why I haven't before! Lovely hymns at the moment.

Like homeiswheretheheartis says, keep going over the things that you know to be true. It doesn't matter that you don't pray, read your Bible or go to church for a bit, God will still love you, He will still comfort you and He is still with you. Think 'Footsteps in the sand' and allow God to carry you through. Be still and know that He is God.
Glad you have found UCB a help. I've never listened to it, but find other things to keep me in touch with God, like Choral Evensong on Radio 3, or the prayer thread on here. Sometimes, when you cannot pray for yourself, you need others to pray for you.

Check out if either have a website and start from there. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Give comfort when you are strong and allow yourself to be comforted when you are not.

Like a tree in a strong wind you sometimes need to bend a little, not lose your faith but just tell God how you feel, draw strength from some quite time with God. I can really recommend something like the book 'Listening to Go' by Joyce Hugget. Or Something like Julian of Norwich, a very old nun who wrote years ago.

Please do find a church, one you feel at home with. You don't need to become a member (yet) just go along and see how you feel.

You don't need to be strong for everyone, being a Christian is not about being strong it is about being cradled by God, knowing you are loved and forgiven and that you are part of God's family. Death is so horrible and sad, it is very hard, there are no easy answers. When you are bending in the breeze remember God is cradling you and that you don't have to take the weight of this alone.

1 Peter 5:7, New International Version
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

If that is hard to do imagine all your anxiety and sadness bound up like a parcel and then place it at the foot of the cross in your mind. You know in reality you cannot take away the suffering or prolong the life of your loved one, which is terribly sad but also it does free you from some of this immense feeling. You can love those around you even though you do not always feel up to the job. None of us are. We are all weak and feeble at times, yet in spite of all this the King of the Universe loves you and he does care for you. And if all of this fails, please listen to this song...

The king of love has sent for me, and you,

bless you.

I find that in difficult times my faith needs time and space, that's really hard when there is lots going on as there is for you right now.

Try other churches, a supportive community is worth so much, but I find quiet empty church is also a great place to find peace and reflect on my faith.

God is with you at all times, sometimes the noise of life feels like it is blocking him out. Please give yourself space and time.

Thinking and praying for you.

Perhaps this feeling is Gods way of showing you that you need to find a community of believers to support you. I have heard that when we are doing what God wants us to it may not be easy, but we will feel a peace with it. If your family are not supportive of you going to church you will probably find it difficult but you should feel that you are doing the right thing and find peace in your decision, then if it helps you to go to church you may find the family becomes more supportive once they see the benefits.

Thank you for the comments. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond - have been visiting the hospital and running about like a crazy thing.

I don't always find it easy to pray at the best of times - I feel silly or like I am not using the right words or I am being to casual.

I just wish my first thought was always to pray when really it is to run about and try and fix things myself.

I so know what you mean Fluffy. It takes so much practice to look to God first, before we start haring around like a mad thing. What we want to do may be the right thing to do, but getting into God's presence first before doing anything often makes things go so much smoother.
Is there any improvement for your relative? Or is that no longer possible?

I just always have to try my way first - panic and run about - and it never works. Just need to slow down and listen I think.

There isn't really going to be an improvement - more about making the best of what time there is.

Yes Fluffy in that case praying for comfort and as much care as possible.

Fluffy was wondering how you are, thanks for the update ask God to help you find him you don't need fancy words or many words for that matter just ask and see what happens

If things are really tough and I can't string a thought together I ask Jesus to intercede on my behalf