Godparents - Dilemma, Help Needed!

[lort74]

Hi All, Just joined! I have a dilemma! We are getting our daughter christened and asked the people that we wanted to be godparents and they were all delighted to have the role. On booking the christening with the Vicar, he advised that all godparents had to have been christened themselves. One of our godfathers has not been christened and will be absolutely devasted if we now tell him he can't be, also we are very upset at this news too. - To be totally honest religion didn't come into it when we were discussing who we wanted to ask. I have thought about going for a naming ceremony, but would like my daughter to be christened in church as her brother was, and myself and partner. I am sure we will not be asked again or be asked to provide proof of whether godparents have been christened and I wonder whether we should just go with who we want because are reasons for wanting him are good, but I feel this is very dishonest, does anyone else have any opinions? Thanks.

you won't be asked for proof, at least the catholic church doesn't, but that said the role of godparent is supposed to be that of spiritual guide, someone who'll help to guide the child through life and teach them about their faith.

it sounds like you're not really a religious person so i'm not really sure it's right for you to have a christening in a church if your not going to uphold the vows you'll take. the point of the christening is to welcome the child in to the christian community and for parents and godparents to take on the duty of teaching the child about their church and to renew their own professions of faith.

I agree with PT to be honest.

But I think some vicars are more relaxed than yours (i.e. some gps must be christened, but not necessarily all) - any chance of doing it in a different church?

You could have more than one godfather, I would have thought so long as one godfather was christened, that would be acceptable.....
How do the godparents feel about making the professions of faith, as required by the church, as in "I believe in God....."

hello lort74 just wanted to say when ds was christened all his godparents had been but.....

DP was NEVER christened, we are not practising christians but wanted ds to be christened as we wanted to say thankyou that he came in to this world safe.

I think it would be ok for him still to be a godparent, if he didnt agree or felt uncomftable with it im sure he would of told you by now, he sounds as if he is very privledged that your and your dh have chose him, you have chose him for a reason and im sure that reason will make him a great godfather.

We chose a naming ceremony instead, and wanted to say that it was a a very solemn, but lovely, joyful and celebratory event, should you feel it more appropriate to go down that route. We felt a church christening would have been hypocritical. Not to mention the fact that 75% of the ungodly parents would have refused point blank.

it's a tricky one...
I'm surprised that the vicar insists that all the godparents have to be christened. My DSs are baptised in the R church and although the god parents should be confirmed - in fact as long as one of them is, then that's OK.

However, I do think the fact that you said
"To be totally honest religion didn't come into it when we were discussing who we wanted to ask." asks the question, why are you getting your child baptised anyway?

in the RC Church...

Message withdrawn

Our church offers a baptism service BUT ALSO a service of blessing. In this service there doesn't need to be any promised made by either parents or the godparents, but a chance to thanks god etc.

I think this is the churches way of dealing with those "not prepared to make the professions of faith" (there words not mine).

Does your church offer this service?

We will be having our DD baptised as I am a church goer, but one of our chosen Godparents didn't want to make the profession of faith, so he won't be able to do it. But he and his wife (brov and sis inlaws) will be our DD guardian, so in our eyes he will be a godparent but not in the eyes of the church... He can bring other things to my DD whilst we can bring the religious stuff.

I've been a godfather many times, and no one has ever asked me for proof. I don't think I actually have any, though no priest can look into my eyes and not realise that I'm a profoundl lapsed Catholic.

These days they don't even assume that you know much Christianity. At the last one the priest gave a nice little lecture on Christianity for dummies.

Thar being said, it's a little inconsistent to lie as part of someone's religious induction.

If the GF is willing, why not make it a double ceremony ? Explain the situation to the priest who may well see it as a chance to save 2 souls at the same time.

As a godparent, inthe CofE baptism you have to make declarations about believing in god and ensuring the child is brought up in the christian faith. As a non-believer, I felt a little uncomfortable both as a parent and as a godparent (at different times). DW was very keen on the baptism of our children - I would not have had them baptised myself.

If the godfather is happy about it, then I would not worry.

I think it is great for you to be having your dd baptised. You may or may not be religious but you are bringing a spiritual element into her life which is so important. I know that our dds' godparents have not all been baptised and few are practising Christians, but they are spiritual people who all make a contribution to the richness of their lives. The CofE has too many rules that puts barriers up for so many people. I wouldn't worry about the church's opinion, if this man is special enough for you as parents to ask him to fulfil such an important role for your daughter then I'm sure God will find no fault.

We are practising CofE and it was important for us that the godparents were people we thought would help the dcs grow and develop spiritually and morally. As it happens, one of dd's godmothers is not baptised because she is a Unitarian by upbringing and I don't think they baptise...anyway, we had to make a case to the vicar for her but he was quite happy to waive the C of E requirement that all godparents be baptised. (I think this is a new stipulation as we were certainly not asked to confirm this for ds, who is nearly seven).
Your dilemma is a hard one lort74. It's great that you want your daughter baptised...but there are promises that have to be made before God and you and the godparents have to be sincere when you make them.

Marina, I really do hear what you are saying. But I have lost so much respect for the CofE (I once considered training as a priest and used to love it) that I find it hard to take its rules seriously. Yes, the promises are important, but there was nothing in them that I felt a godparent had to be a practising Anglican to make, just a believer in God and someone willing to uphold the teachings of Jesus Christ and respect our wishes for our children to be brought up in this way.

We've just had ds and I am really struggling over the issue of his baptism, I really want him tyo be baptised but don't want it to be in church. I'm seriously thinking about popping down to the river and doing it myself!

All 3 boys have been christened and I don't think I was ever asked if any or all godparents had been christened themselves. The only question I asked myself was whether a dear friend of mine, a Catholic, could be a godmother as we are C of E. The answer was yes, but the question of the christened status of the godparents never arose.

To be honest, if you are not particularly religious and you feel that the chosen godfather would be upset that he could not play that role, I would just go for a naming ceremony which is likely to be as significant and lovely as any church service.