marriages where one practices a faith and one doesn't

[glam71]

I am rc and dh is officially c of e but doesn't attend church. This is of course fine.
However i have been wondering how supportive the non practising person is.
Dh doesn't stop me and dd attending but in the past i have asked dd2 if she wants to come and she has said no. Dh has replied " i don't blame. I can think of better things to do with my time"
Also wasn't keen on attending dd,s first holy communion. I assumed he would automatically want to go as important to dd. She decided to do it. I din't push her.
I have posted similar in aibu but just wanted abit more perspective.
Strangely i have actually attended more c of e services than dh as i go to all the official cubs and other official services the children attend.
Thank you

Hi Glam!

I am a Christian (CofE) and DH is an atheist. DD1 doesn't come to church, but DD2 does. When I started going to church (which was fairly recently - it hasn't been part of my life for our whole relationship, as it were), I asked DH only that he not actively disparage religious beliefs in front of the children. Both children know that he doesn't believe in God, but he doesn't actively mock or criticise those who believe* in front of them. He didn't attend the service when DD2 was baptised and confirmed, and I was a bit sad about that, but not because of the religious aspect, just because it meant a lot to DD2 (who had chosen to be baptised and confirmed herself) and it was a shame that he wasn't there. On reflection, I wish I'd explained a bit more about what was going to happen, as I think he might have come if he'd been reassured that he wouldn't need to stand up at the front or make any kind of promises to a deity he doesn't believe in, but his not-coming was consistent at least. Unlike your DH he has never been to any Guides/Brownies church services either, nor to Harvest Festival, nor to anything beyond the occasional Infant School Nativity Play.

I'm not really sure what you are asking, tbh, but I would probably have been a bit upset if my DH had come out with the 'better things to do' line, but overall we're pretty happy doing our own thing and explaining why we choose to go to church or not to the kids...

HTH

• I mean that he doesn't mock belief in a deity in and of itself, not that believers are somehow immune from any criticism...

Sorry - misread your OP... I thought you were saying that you and DH went to cubs services and things, but on 2nd reading I can see that you're saying that you go and he doesn't...

I wanted to add also that, obviously, as a Christian I'd like it if my DH came to believe too, but knowing his strongly-held views, I think it's unlikely to happen. DD1 has no faith, but is interested in philosophy and in understanding belief systems from a more detached perspective. Again, I would like it if she came to share my faith, but I don't believe that dragging her to church whether she likes it or not is the way to achieve that.

My husband eventually started coming to church too, but in the beginning he was quite happy for me to go and take the kids. Its fine if your DH doesn't want to, but he shouldn't diss your efforts with your daughter, it will only cause problems. DH always attended services that were important to the kids. Then when DS said "why should I go, Daddy doesn't", he started going to church too!

I'm in the same position as you glam, Catholic with officially-baptised-c-of-e-but-actually-agnostic dh. Dh always knew my faith was important to me and right from when we first got to know each other the agreement was I wouldn't try and convert him and he would support me. He doesn't come to church with me, except when I had a newborn baby when he came to help. He did attend first communion, confirmation, and took dd to Mass once when I was ill and she was playing an instrument during the Mass. He does support church fund raising and social events, and doesn't complain too much when the church youth group, or confirmation preparation, or one of the parish lent groups happens in our house. He always appreciates his free hour and a half to listen to his 1970's heavy metal and/or watch sport on a Sunday morning encourages the dc to go to Mass.

Like you - I was the parent who attended all the local CofE services with brownies and scouts and primary school, but that is fine with me.

It can still be hard from time to time, I would love to be able to share this part of my life with him, sometimes we have disagreed and needed to talk things through, but it seems to work most of the time.

I'm married to an athesist and am a Christian. To be honest the norms of a good supportive marriage such as respecting each other, being equal partners and trying to ensure your partner can do within reason what they'd like to do enable us to have very different views yet get on. Both children go to church with me which is okay. He does make comments but genrally we don't discuss our differences. He knows many of my church friends and is happy for us to go away on church weekends away. Giving to the church is a VERY contenious issue in our household. He will stand up for me if other members of his family comment on my beliefs. My situation is slightly different as I was an athesist when we met and became a Christian after having children.