Things happening for a reason...

[Winetime1981]

Recently I've taken real heart in a quote: Sometimes when things seem like they're falling apart they're really falling into place.

I've had a really shitty two years due to horrendous anxiety issues brought on through postnatal depression. I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant for a second time) the very last thing I thought I needed at the time - and it was VERY unlikely how it happened. Anyway DD has been born and everything seems to have clicked into place. Considering I was petrified of PND #2 I'm a bit flabbergasted and have a real sense of everything happening for a reason.

I was also diagnosed with a life changing disease a few years ago and I now 'know' it's part of my destiny to help others in the same position. It feels like that's why I was given god condition.

What does everyone else think?

• the condition

If you are finding sense in your situation that is great, I like the saying ... everything has a happy ending, if you're not happy then this isn't the ending.

I am not sure it is really always true by any means, but it gives me hope.

Hope you find the peace in your situation and congratulations on your lovely children.

PS Hope you have gotten some help for your PND.

I agree with Italian that it is a good thing that you are making sense out of a situation you didn't expect to be in. However, i don't think it is a case of things being 'meant' to happen. I honestly believe things happen to us as randomly as they do to any other creature on the planet, that our lives are not pre-ordained.

The difficulty with thinking it is all down to destiny is that our lives could take a very different direction, but of course we do not know what the outcome may have been, so the one we take seems like the right one when we arrive at a good place, and the suffering en route then seems to have a purpose.

I think wanting to help others with the same condition as yourself is an example of taking a positive out of what could be seen as a negative. That to me would show that you have a healthy outlook and have moved on from where you were after your pnd. You should take the credit for that, not fate.

I too have had a difficult year and am trying to make sense of it. I look at it this way--you can learn valuable lessons from whatever happens to you. Ask yourself "what is this here to teach me?". Not sure things are "meant", though.

Thanks for your replies. I've just had a thought that could add to the discussion...

If we're not meant to try and make sense of things then why do we have the capability?

What makes you say that we aren't meant to make sense of things? I don't think that is necessarily true. There isn't much point trying to understand why stuff happens that we have no control over because events often come about as a simple consequence of being part of the natural world. It is different when talking about events that have come about as a result of our actions - of course we can look at those and learn from them, and certainly make use of our capacity to make sense of things.

I think what is important is to look at how we deal with the events in our lives, rather than wondering why me when an 'act of nature' for want of a better term should occur. I do think we can learn from these events and they can certainly help us reset our priorities, but just because something positive can come from a challenging situation that doesn't mean there was some divine hand guiding events.

If we're not meant to try and make sense of things then why do we have the capability?

Now you're getting into the realms of evolution. It has been beneficial for us to be able to make sense of the world around us so those who understand it better are more likely to survive and breed.

There are of course unintended consequences. You may develop a brain which is good at recognising other human beings, but inadvertently that means your brain also tries to make faces out of random patterns. The same is true with understanding. Your brain may be good at solving problems, this may also lead to it noticing patterns in things which do not need solving.

'Thank you for the broken road. It led me to where I am today.' A line from a song I believe.

All life's experiences are an adventure.

"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in" Leonard Cohen.
Mind you, people said everything happens for a reason when dd died. I'm still trying to figure out what good could come out of my little girl dying. I suppose I have discovered how very wonderful some people are, including lots of brilliant MNers. And it's made me more spiritually aware. But I'd still rather have dd back.

Chipmonkey - well you've said it right there. The loss of a child is something which would see me never ever 'make sense of it all'. I know I don't know you but I'm so sorry.

I would love for there to be 'something' as after the unimaginable pain of losing a child you deserve an everlasting peace at some point. I hope that doesn't offend, it's honestly not meant to.

I feel that there's something, Winetime and that she is living on and being looked after by my Dad. Definite proof would be nice but for now, I'll settle for faith!

Can I please pinch a bit of faith? It's exactly what I'm after Do you mind me asking how you built it up? Does that even make sense as a question?! I'm not sure...

It sort of slowly happened. I was brought up Catholic, totally rejected it at about 17-18 and became an atheist/agnostic and demanded proof of everything.
Then, I suppose, I found that things happened, that I couldn't explain. My really normal, sane, rational mother seeing my grandmother after she died. My sons when they were small appearing to communicate with my father after he died, particularly ds3 and ds4 who never met my Dad but yet seemed to be almost impersonating him, using phrases and expressions that Dad used and which we don't. Loads and loads of signs after my dd died, some of which were signs that I specifically asked for, one or two were just strange, toys moving on their own or making noises on their own. This only happened shortly after she died and soon stopped but they were enough to serve as reassurance.
I believe that we are compressed into a four-dimensional world when we are are but that we are more than that. I can't prove it, nor am I meant to. I don't follow any one religion, and am probably a mix of Christian and Buddhist in my thinking.

Wow! Thanks for sharing that as selfishly it gives me that bit more faith

I have had signs too. Although then my rational brain takes over, which is such a shame as then I'm asking all over again. Just daft things really like the quote about things falling apart - I suddenly see it everywhere when I'd never heard to before. Seeing people at the shops who I was just thinking about. I know it can be put down to coincidence but sometimes it really is justs not 'likely' at all and can leave you feeling a bit 'ooooh'.

I am really getting into Buddhist thinking at the moment as the philosophies really seem to fit in with a few if my more spiritual experience. The philosophies also really help me in day to day life - this too shall pass for example.

Sorry for the typos...

How strange - i just came on because i meant to quote that Leonard Cohen song in my last post, and Chipmonkey has already done it! I often think of it when difficult stuff happens. I think Pedro is right though that we have a tendency to look for patterns that aren't necessarily there. Like lottery numbers - 123456 is as statistically likely as any other combination, however improbable it seems.

If you are asking if there is 'something' i absolutely believe there is, as that probably wasn't clear from my posts. I just don't think there is anything that intervenes in our daily lives. I have found the best way to get in touch with this 'something' (i see it as a single conciousness of which we are all part) is through meditation - this may be worth exploring, especially if you are interested in Buddhism.

I have had a really strange and wonderful experience with meditation whereby I did feel I was 'at one' with everything. It was amazing but then I got scared and stopped meditating! I've never reached that place again through meditation. I'm just so, so attached to my ego and my loved ones that any existence other than my own really upsets me.

Childbirth was also really spiritual for me - in that I was forced to 'let go' and surrender to pain.

In just exploring things really but it's starting to overwhelm me and take over my life.

Ah - you know what i'm talking about then. The first time i had that experience, like you, it freaked me out somewhat. The realisation that all life is connected and that we are not quite what we appear to be does change something in the core of your being.

I totally understand what you say about ego and especially your loved ones. If it helps you don't necessarily have to look at it from the Buddhist pov, where the individual ceases to exist on death even though the soul is reincarnated. You could see it as the same existence, not a different one.

So, when we die we don't go somewhere else - we are already there. Our spiritual selves are already existing in whichever dimension they exist and death is just the ending of the soul's connection with that particular body. Thinking about it in this way we are always with our loved ones, before, during and after this life, and more than that we are connected far more deeply than is possible in this life. Like waves on the ocean - separate waves on the surface but all part of the same sea underneath.

Have you ever tried yoga? There are many styles, and some paths have very little to do with physical exercise and are more to do with learning, devotion, etc, with the goal of achieving union betwen the physical and spiritual self. With yoga everything is about balance (not just on one leg!), so may be a good approach if you are worried about this exploration taking over your life, and may be a good and gentle way into re-engaging with meditation.

That's pretty much my view Mostly we are not waiting for Heaven, we are there but for now our minds are focussed on Earth. I would love to be able to meditate but fear I'm too easily distracted!

I know it is a bit chicken and egg, but if you persist with meditation it will really help with your concentration so that you don't get distracted. Most techniques involve focus on something - the easiest is your breath.

If you want to give it a go, just sit or lie comfortably, focus on your breathing (don't control it, just watch it), and also don't try to control or stop your thoughts - just be aware of them and let them go. If you find your mind going off on a tangent just bring your awareness back to your breath. Another useful thing to try is to focus on counting backwards from 50 - do it slowly, with your breath and don't worry if you get distracted and lose count, you just start again (the focus is the important thing, not the counting). If you really struggle to stay with it you could try some pre-recorded guided meditations.

Like most things, little and often is the way to go - 5 minutes every day will work better than finding an hour now and again. Hope you give it a go - you won't get instant enlightenment but it will help you find some stillness and peace, and we could all use a bit more of that i think.

Wise words Mostly

Thanks, Mostly. I will give it a go.