What does this very vivid (and long!) dream mean?

[DuddlePuck]

Last night my DH had to wake me up as I was sobbing and thrashing about in my sleep. This very rarely happens, so I made a real effort to remember the dream. Here goes:

I am at work, I like it, it feels familiar and there are lots of friendly people that I know there. I start the dream feeling happy. As the dream progresses, I start to feel more and more down and like I am in no fit state to be there. I try to find somewhere to be alone to cry but one of the children finds me and I have to hide behind a muddy bank so she doesn't see that I am crying.

I realise I need to go somewhere more private, so head down some stairs to the toilets. There is no door on the stall I am in, and two other women come in. One woman (she is a black lady, with beautiful long hair. I have no idea if that is significant but include it as she was a stranger rather than someone familiar to me) is round the corner, gets in with what she is doing and I am not bothered that she is there. The other lady (white, slim with a pixie cut, also a stranger to me) chooses to stand opposite me and stares every time I try to open my legs to wipe (I wipe back to front, always have - I know I shouldn't! Sorry, TMI!). Eventually I give up, do what I've got to do and throw the used paper at her. She picks it up and keeps it.

I see a window at the back of my stall and think that if I climb out I will finally be alone. As I am half way out, a senior member of staff (male, also a stranger) comes to make me give him a blow job. He grabs hold of my feet between his fingers and thumbs and pinches tightly. I have very ticklish feet and so it feels unbearable. That is when I woke up.

Sorry it's so long, any dream experts have any ideas?

Hi OP, do you have small children. The dreams gives me the sense that you rarely get any time alone, even to the point that normal bodily functions are rushed. Maybe work are expecting you to take on responsibilities that you feel you are not trained for or not paid for?

What head in hands said. However, I also wish to ask if you have had any upset to your security in life? For example, where you felt safe and secure-you no longer don't?

Hello indigo and headin,

It is most likely linked to the fact that we are having some issues with debt that I did not realise the enormity of until last night.

I don't have any children, which is kind of linked to the above, as our debts mean putting off starting a family.

I was wondering if the desperate need to be alone had any bearing on my relationship with DH (very secure, but he needs practice at communication!). Although right now I'd do anything for an actual RL friend to sit down with :(

Ah, yes the debt explains the unreasonable demands the guy from work is making. Sounds like you have a lot going on in your mind right now. Was your dp hiding how much debt he had?

Oh honey, I'm sorry to hear this. I was thinking in energetic terms that this was a root chakra dream. Money, security financial and emotional amongst others. Re the bj-you are being forced into this. this could translate to the debt. No where to escape, and in some beliefs the bathroom/toilet relates to money going down the drain so to speak. If you were to look at the women in your dream, could their behaviour/appearance be equated to anyone in your life?

Not really. He thought he'd told me, I though the amount on one credit card was the total amount. Turns out its over double that.

Had another dream later on in the night that there were buildings falling down around our house, just missing us (by a matter of feet). My rabbits in the garden were lying on the floor outside their hutch when I went to check on them. I thought they were dead but when I went to pick them up they were ok. I brought them in and they were fine.

Not exactly a relaxing night chez Duddle...

The using the loo in public thing is a common image in an anxiety dream. Given what you have said about your financial situation it's not suprising that the worry manifested in this way. I think the wanting to be on your own is symbolic of your wanting to hide away from what's going on and make it all go away (subconciously - i'm sure you know that wouldn't help, but it is quite normal to feel like it). I think you know that the answer is to sit down and talk about it - with your dh, with a friend if it helps, but more importantly with a debt counsellor - try the CAB. Hope you get some resolution.

Sorry, last post was in response to headin

I don't know about the women. I felt threatened by the one who was staring, maybe a close relative who has just had a baby? Not sure why the other woman was there as she wasn't bothering me. I do remember thinking she was very glam!

Sorry - x post with you.

I think the second dream is fairly obviously the world falling down around your ears. The rabbits though are a good sign that however bad you think things are (dead bunnies/debt) that things will resolve themselves in the end (bunnies not dead).

It's interesting you dreamt about the collapsing buildings. I still occasionally dream about 9/11. I think the image of
buildings collapsing is a very powerful one and in a dream I think it points to issues of safety and security

Yes yes. The bunnies. You feel you will be able to work through this but it is unsettling.

indigo I hadn't thought about the bj relating to force. I do feel a little like I didn't have a choice in this. I know that is very unreasonable as DH has been transparent when asked, and I have been just as responsible for the spending! But as he has the logins for the cc accounts I feel like I have no control. I'm going to ask that I have the logins for all our accounts so I feel a bit more in the loop.

mostly I have wondered about going to the CAB. We have tightened our belts and are able to pay it off, but it will be a very long slog. I thought if would be a few months, but realistically it's looking much longer. Would they be able to help?

In dream analysis the house is often interpreted as you, each room representing a different aspect of you. The fact that your house is still standing while everything else is falling down would suggest that somewhere inside you know you are strong enough to cope with the situation.

Do you have bunnies? Maybe the bunnies tie in with your plans for a family. You feel the situation right now is not best for starting your family but later on will be better.

Ooh, mostly would the fact that I moved the bunnies into the cellar and stayed with them be significant then? It is a largely empty room that we use very little.

Yes - CAB are fantastic. They are very under-resourced though so you may have to be patient to get an appointment, especially in the current climate. They have trained debt counsellors who will be able to work out a plan of action for you and sometimes deal direct with your creditors on your behalf. Do give them a call.

headin I do have bunnies, but have dreamed in the past about finding baby bunnies and adopting them, and know that this is very much linked to my desire to start a family.

So yes, could well be that I feel like my plans are dead, but really it will be ok.

Well, the cellar is the basement of the mansion of the soul (!) so is where you keep your fears and dark thoughts. I would think the fact that you went there was down to the fact that is where your emotions were at the time.

Just looked up what a cellar represents - my hidden self. So perhaps on the outside my dreams appear dead, but I will keep them safe in my self, IYSWIM.

I had already kind of decided to stop going on about babies to DH until we are in a position to think seriously about it again.

I think there is something primitive about the need to hide from 'danger'. The fight or flight response. Obviously nowadays the 'danger' is usually something less dramatic than a tiger or volcano etc but it still evokes that deep seated need to conceal ourselves. I suspect the cellar is as such in your case and the vulnerable bunnies represent something you feel responsible for protecting. Something you feel you were not keeping an adequate eye on i.e. the finances maybe?

X - post, could be either?

Sorry - x post again. If the bunnies represent your desire to have a family it seems the fear is that the debt will prevent you from doing so, which is why you are in the cellar with them - you and your potential babies shut away with your fears.

If it helps on a practical level, we had a major financial crisis just after i got pregnant and are still struggling financially, but you do manage. I don't think my ds much cares that he isn't dressed in baby boden or never had a foreign holiday! You will get child benefit and you may get tax credits - worth finding out what you'd be entitled to in your circumstances.

Yy, can see how the cellar would be putting something on hold for now, for just a little longer so that you are in a stronger position later on.

Def give the CAB a go. There's sure to be some good resources online too but beware of these debt management phone lines, my friend got a whopping phone bill for ringing them which seems ironic!

mostly I have been researching all of the above like crazy. Even down to looking up how to make my own cloth nappies as it is so much cheaper!

I am totally prepared (and quite enthusiastic) for the prospect of having a 'budget baby' whenever it happens, the big thing for us will be supplementing my mat pay and then child care when I do go back. I fully appreciate DHs point that we can't afford to do that and pay off the debt, its one or the other really. So the debt has to go...

Very good advice to not phone debt management phone lines. Many IFAs don't charge for consultations and may be another option, but only really any help if you have money to shift round as they make their money by getting commission on the products they sell you (rearranging your mortgage etc).