Just curious - how many muslims are on mumsnet?

[Galvanise]

Hello/Salaam,

I know mumsnet has a wide and diverse population and I tend to recognise some MN usernames as regulars. Just intrigued to know how big/small a community it may be.

Of course, I respect that there may be those who do not wish to even identify themselves for various reasons - which is fine too.

I am not asking for 'religiousness' levels or any vital stats! Nor is this a muslim-only thread or an 'no non-muslims' thread.
If you really wish to tell me that you are not a muslim, that is fine too :)

:)

Wow crescent lol, sounds crazy with all those people!! The English tend to invite nearest and dearest generally, which actually is the best way to go IMO as I've been to these weddings where the bride and groom barely know the people they're paying for to eat lol. Do you think its worth getting married legally as well as nikah?

My walima (nikah was done 3 months prior in a mosque, with whovever happened to be there!) was just DHs family and mine (maybe about 30 people all in all), outside on top of a mountain (mountains have always featured in our relationship for some reason). Was dreading it as I had no idea what to expect but it was lovely, the only problem was when I had to mount a horse in my huge dress. Also my mum cried with happiness when she saw where it was and how lovely it looked and that was nice as I thought it would all be really alien to her. On the downside my DH was so late that my mum thought he'd changed his mind!

Can ANYONE help me convince dh that we should marry legally??!! Anyone??!! Hardly. Your wedding sounds amazing mashaallah! Yep crescent that's normal in Pakistani or Asian weddings for the bride to look sad.worstbpart is the rukhsati at the end of the wedding where the bride cries and is led away by her husband to signal her new life with him. My mil was very unimpressed with this ceremony when my sil and bil married lol.

Crescent did you hear about that story where a Muslim revert woman got married and unfortunately died a while after her wedding, and because her and the husband weren't legally married, her body rights were passed on to her family and against islam, they actually went and had her cremated. My mils friend told me this and I felt so shocked

Waynetta, what are your husband's reasons for not wanting you to legalize your marriage?

Well he says we've been married for years now, have kids, basically what's the point? We don't own our house and have no joint assets either so he says why do it if there's no financial obligations. We don't have joint account or anything and have our own jobs. Tbh I don't think he has read up on the benefits of legal marriage, he says because we are already man and wife in the eyes of god that's the most important thing.

I would like to do it though, as I don't like to be seen as a cohabiting couple...plus since I never had a wedding party..what better excuse is there than registry lol

Waynetta- I want to tell you a cautionary tale of something that happened to my sister. She was engaged when her fiance died. Because they weren't married she was not legally his next of kin. The circumstances of his death meant that his next of kin (which was his mother) made the decision with Doctors to turn of his life support. My sister was not involved with this decision AT ALL. This was devastating to her. Grief can make otherwise good people behave in unexpected and strange ways. The day he died his family came to their home and started to remove 'his' belongings from their joint home. Even though between my sister and her fiance they had talked about what they/he wanted upon death, by not being the next of kin she had virtually no say in the matter. I would hate to see anyone go through the torment she went through for the sake of a legal document. Could you present that scenario to your husband?

Sparkling. That is absolutely horrific. I haven't heard anything as awful as that in a long time :(. Will def be mentioning this to dh. Thankyou for your perspective. Crescent. I agree in the sense that leaving a marriage without any legal power is like going back to jahiliyah, it's just so many dont think its needed. It obviously is as I'm starting to find out. Problem is also mil in a way, as she thinks its totally unnecessary, but if I had her support hubs might pay a bit more attention.

Is your mother in law legally married to her husband?
If she is then she has no say in stopping you getting the same legal footing in your relationship.

This may sound mercenary, but in the event of a split, you would have better financial recourse legally than if you split without being married.

I'd be wanting my name on property, pensions & all parties should have proper wills drawn up naming you as next of kin etc.

For me I do not think it is needed, because of financial situation etc, everything is bought and paid with out of my account and everything including dhs wages goes in to my account. He doesn't have a bank account.

Polygyny is one of the reasons I don't want registry.

Can you explain the financial recourse? I wouldn't want spousal maintenance as it is not from Islam. But child support is the same married or not?

Nailak are you a co wife or is your dh planning in marrying again? I have quite a few friends who are co wives and I think this is one of the reasons they are not legally married. My dh isn't interested in marrying again although we did have a convo about it. He says its not for him so I said fair enough. I do think registry is good especially depending on what job the dh has. Mine is in a profession with a substantial pension when he retires, and unless I marry him legally I will prob have no rights to that...which doesn't matter unless he dies, god forbid. That's what freaks me out. I'm going to have to weigh it all up before broaching the subject with him.

We are not legally married either. I don't want to be (so very different from your situation) I think dh would prefer to but is overall not too bothered. I tick 'married' on the vast majority of forms as I see myself as that. My MIL was surprised when she found out and wanted to us to do it to ensure she could see kids if dh dies, unfortunatley in uk law grandparents hve no visitation rights (so i guess she better keep being nice to me )

I prefer that we could get divorced cheaply and quickly (not that I am planning on it!)

Both our families were at our wedding and view us as married, we are listed as each other NOK and beneficeries of wills. I don't think we would have any problems with that kind of thing.

The only thing we would not get is the benefit you receive if your married partner dies (widows allowance?) but I dont really want that and we have made financial arrangements instead.

Don't forget if we were married and divorced it could go either way-I could end up 'loosing' money to dh as much as he could 'gain' money from me. We keep our finances pretty seperate to be honest and I dont want to change that, as islamically my money is mine.

but you dont need registry marriage to sort out inheritance? you can use a will?

or joint account?

in my situation all his money goes in to my account so i dont think inlaws will be entitled to money in my account! lol

and there are no assets, maybe a few debts though!

personally i think i have said before, if i booked ghe registry my husband would come, he says that he is not interested in marrying again, however, we never know what is in our future, there may be a time where he is able to and for whatever reason, be it a widow, divorcee or whatever he wants to marry again, and I do not want to close that option to him if in the future he marries from abroad.

if my husband changes the locks and told me to get out i would call the landlord and get him evicted, and call the hb and get them to stop paying lol

some men are shameless, but i dont believe my husband is.
At the end of the day a husband who does that will be held accountable for it before Allah, and that is more important then the law of the land.
Rizq is in the hands of Allah as well. What will come to you will come to you no matter what.

How lovely Saudi is I will be going there for my Hajj inshallah and Umrah, but will never in a billion years wish to make hijrah there. Corruption, greed, extremism and misogyny at its worst.