"invitation" from inner voice to die

[Emerging]

I have posted this thread already seeking a general, mixed group of responses (both mental health and spiritual). However, it was moved to the mental health section, and so I am reposting it here in the interests of balance (as I would like to hear all points of view). I hope this is not against the rules (do not have time to read them before bed), and sincerely apologise if so.

This is to do with the inner voice. Not inner ?voices? as in schizophrenia, but that one clear, pure, true voice at the core of your soul that you can only hear when everything else in your mind is silent.

I had a major life event recently, when I gave birth to a baby (weeks ago) and something switched in my brain that had been building for a long time? to start just listening to that voice and following it. Keeping my mind quiet of all doubts and fears and just communicating quietly and honestly with that one small voice.

I quite quickly reached a point of what I can only describe as absolute stillness and contentment inside, with just my own ?outer? voice, and that small ?inner? voice quietly conversing like two old friends. I felt like I finally understood everything that life was about.

And then I received (days ago) what I can only describe as a gentle ?invitation?, to cross over. It wasn?t said in those words, but I knew the message in my heart, almost telepathically. It was an invitation to die, to step into ?the light?, to leave this world behind and be born into the world of the ?inner voice?, whatever that is. I don?t mean it was asking me to kill myself? I just knew that if I accepted I would die naturally right there and then.

It was the most REAL thing I have ever experienced, and the fear that welled up in me was too great. I wanted to accept so badly, but my life right now feels perfect and I found it so hard to imagine my loved ones coming home to find me dead and all the grief they would have to go through.

I couldn't say yes to the invitation, but I did say I would like to look in the outer world to see if many others are having this kind of experience, and to share my own if not (I also want to ground myself to make sure I'm not crazy), and my inner voice seemed happy with that? so here I am.

This is my experience. Are there others out there? If death really is a transition, then raising awareness of it would make the process (both for the dying and the left behind) so much easier.

I can't describe how torn I felt between really, really wanting to 'step into the light' and see what might be waiting there, and the pain of leaving everyone I loved behind. Not even just my own pain, but imagining their pain at finding me gone... at a time when everyone is so happy.

I am particularly interested in any similar experiences anyone has had, and points of view from people who may see this as a possible spiritual experience (as I have heard extensively from those who believe it is a mental health issue).

I sincerely wish to consider all points of view, and greatly appreciate all of them.

Dear Emerging,

I have posted again on your other thread - and I would encourage other posters here to read that one before posting here.

You seem to be searching for answers which is understandable; you want 'balance' and 'all points of view'. If you do wish to consider all points of view then you will, as suggested on the other thread, seek a qualified MEDICAL opinion as soon as possible. And indeed your husband's, since presumably he has a view you respect?

Having a baby is an enormously stressful and life-changing event, especially in the early weeks when we're surviving on little-to-no sleep, and erratic eating and sleeping patterns. We can hear and see things that we don't usually when we're run-down, over-tired, emotional and/or hormonally imbalanced.

Please go and talk to your HV and/or GP about this.

Many congratulations on your baby btw

Congratulations on the birth of your baby, Emerging.

This does, however, sound like a medical issue, and I would agree with the other posters that you need to seek urgent medical advice.

(Haven't seen your other thread, btw, but can't imagine anyone giving you different advice from this tbh.)

Emerging, although you believe your recent experiences feel like a logical moment of clarity, you know really that its not quite right. It must be confusing for you.
Please go and talk to your GP about how you are feeling, they will help you.

Hi Emerging, and congratulations on your baby. All I can say is please do have a chat to your GP about this. I know it 'feels' real, but it's just you inside, reasoning with yourself IMO. Please ask your GP or health visitor for some help, I hope you will be okay. Please look after yourself and your baby.

Hi Emerging.

I've read the other thread as well. I am in complete agreement with everyone who says you should go and see your gp. Part of the trouble with mental health issues can be that you feel that your thought process are entirely reasonable. It is only when you come through the other side that you see them for what they were. That is from experience.

I am loathe to address the spiritual aspect (as someone with spiritual beliefs) as i do not see that your situation is in anyway spiritual. Think about it. Why would anyone/anything on the other side think that taking you away from your wonderful new baby and your family would be a good thing? How would that be in your or your child's interests? I don't disagree that death is a transition, but i would strongly question why you would contemplate making that transition prematurely - it comes to us all soon enough. This voice is not coming from a good place. Please get some proper medical advice.

Emerging

I have read all your threads.

You are using many of the terms associated with postpartum psychosis.

To have felt 'a switch' being flicked post-birth is a term repeatedly used by women recalling the feelings of postpartum psychosis.

Psychotic episodes are also frequently expressed in terms of quasi-religious or spiritual experience.

It does not feel like a pyschotic episode. If people experiencing psychosis could objectively identify it as such, it would not be so dangerous.

You want to hear all angles: I understand. You must also therefore hear the angle of health professionals.

I hope you will listen to all the advice you have received here.

I haven't read your other thread as you wanted to keep it impartial so here goes.
I do believe in spirits and I do believe that some people are more in touch with their spiritual side than others.

But I also believe that we're all here for a fixed time and that there's no such thing as an "invitation to die" When it's time for you to die, you die, that's it. There's no messing about with "feelings". And there's no reason to suppose that a physically healthy young mother is anywhere near her time!

So whatever it is you're feeling or "hearing" it's not right and far more likely to be a mental health issue than a true spiritual feeling. I don't know anything about post-partum psychosis so won't presume to tell you that's what you have but you really do need to see your GP.

Thank you all, I am striving to be as unbiased as possible. I am mentally tired at the moment however and must focus elsewhere so I just wanted to post a little aknowledgement of thanks and I'll return. Some of you recognise this, yes?

Emerging, I'll have a gander at your other thread. I experienced psychotic episodes around the ages of 18 - 21 (fairly common in young women) and they were absolutely like spiritual experiences, as described by those of a less cynical nature than mine. I think post-partum psychosis would feel like a switch being flicked, as giving birth is supposed to suddenly alter your focus & perceptions. It only takes a couple of slightly misplaced hormones to affect the wrong bits of your mind, as it were.

I hope your replies are reassuring you and encouraging you to see your doctor. All the best :)

OP

If you want to raise awareness then please tell your family and friends.

Tell them you have had an "invitation" to step into the light or whatever.

Tell them you have unlocked the mysteries surrounding death and the afterlife.

They need to know.
Have you spoken anymore to your grandmother? Does your dh know how you're feeling?

You're looking for someone to validate your experience and so far no one really has, have they?

I'm not going to post anymore as I'm finding this quite triggering and upsetting.

I wish you all the very best. Please get some real life feedback from those who know and love you.

I posted several times in your other thread urging you to get an urgent medical assessment either from your gp or a&e.

I hope that the fact that posters on this thread, who might have been more inclined to view this as a spiritual experience if that was a possibility,agree unanimously that what you describe is potentially concerning, will lead to you getting that help.

Good luck

The other thing I will say, is that you actually dying won't enlighten anyone. On the contrary, it would leave your friends and family in despair and darkness for a very, very long time. And again, no spiritual voice would ever tell you to do that.

I've spoken in more detail to my grandmother. She agrees with the posters that it is very likely something triggered by the birth, and that perhaps it is as a result of becoming more aware of my own mortality as a result of the baby (birth being the polar opposite of death), and the traumatic birth, and is my mind's way of exploring and coming to terms with the idea.

This resonates to a degree, as does the post (I think by garlicnuts) about perhaps a part of the mind exploring and thinking about things for the future and me perceiving this wrongly as a dilemma I'm facing right now.

In these ways I think I can perhaps think of it as something going a bit wrong mentally. Perhaps the feelings/voice are something legitimate that is meant to happen/be experienced, but not at this time in life.

I've asked my grandma to keep an eye on me, and tell my DH (even against my will) if things look like they are starting to change or escalate. I did have some sleep and am feeling somewhat calmer at the moment.

accidentalchickenkeeper Thank you very much for your input, and I'm sorry if this upset you in any way, it certainly wasn't my intention.

Thank you to everyone who has posted here, and I will agree it is somewhat sobering to receive the same sorts of replies even from people who are agreeable with the idea of spiritual experiences.

As I do not intend to do anything actively to end my life in any way, shape, or form, I do wonder what the harm in this particular thought could be though, even if it is a delusion... as if it is a delusion and I accept the invitation, then surely nothing will happen?

Hi Emerging, it sounds like the "invitation" to die has interested you a lot. I have to be honest, and say that even as Christian who has a clear belief that on dying I'll go to a better place than here, the thought of leaving the life I have is quite disturbing. I'm not ready, I have a family to look after.

I'm interested in your question:

"as if it is a delusion and I accept the invitation, then surely nothing will happen?"

In what sense do you think you will be able to 'accept' the invitation, other than actively harming yourself? I think that there is a great danger that if you accept that this "invitation" is real, then you may feel that you should be participating in its fulfilment. The truth is, if you actively harm yourself to the extent that death is likely, then death will occur. I don't think that this will prove you weren't deluded

Let's spin this the other way:

If it isn't a delusion, then there isn't any harm in visiting your GP and explaining your recent thought patterns, or your experience, is there?

I think that somewhere, you know that nobody and no thing would be inviting you to leave your family with your best interests at heart.

If we can agree on that, why on earth would you accept an "invitation" to die, whether real or delusional, from someone/something that doesn't have your best interests at heart?

Go to your GP. Go to A&E if you really feel drawn to acceptance of this "invitation". There is nothing that anyone can do for you unless you allow them to.

Emerging, if people died just by thinking about it, I'd have died 10 months ago when my dd died. I wished for it enough then and have done several times since but luckily have good support from the other bereaved Mums here.

But a word of warning: I have seen situations in family members where they started off with mildly abnormal thinking which escalated to extremely abnormal thinking. What would worry me is the possibility that this "voice" could become more persistent and difficult to ignore and maybe tell you to do something silly.

I honestly feel that it might be best to nip this in the bud and see your GP sooner rather than later. It might not mean the GP feels treatment is necessary but at least they would know to be vigilant.

I'm so sorry chipmonkey

Thanks, Emerging. I miss her every day. And I also don't think mothers and babies should ever be separated by death, whichever way round it happens.
I really would feel a lot better if you would see your GP. Just in case.

just thought I'd add to this. I'm currently reading a book about Quantum Physics and consciousness. The author describes the human brain as a logical machine designed for survival. I think most people would probably agree with that definition, regardless of where you stand on spirituality and therefore would also agree that if survival is not desired then the brain must be malfunctioning in some way.