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Original poster

Time to come out as an athiest

32 replies

comingoutasasathiest · 06/08/2012 15:11

I'm a regular, just name changed for anonimity purposes.
Well, as the name says really. I've been a catholic for years, married in the church, kids baptised and at faith school, teach sunday school, blah blah. But I don't believe anymore. ANd I hate a lot of what the CHurch stands for. Not the congregation - my friends do a lot of good work around justice and peace and ccaring for the community.
But I feel there is nothing - no god, no spiritual life. In a really good, really freeing way.
How do I tell my 2 good pals? What do I do about school? the dses love their school and I don't want them to go through the upheaval of moing schools when they are so settled and happy.

OP posts:
noisytoys · 06/08/2012 15:25

Be true to yourself. My DH came out las month as an atheist after introducing me to Christianity 9 years ago. I still very much believe, but I don't think any less of him for not believing. It was like a massive weight was lifted off his shoulders when he told me. I'm sure your friends will still support you don't worry

alexpolismum · 06/08/2012 15:26

leave the children where they are - I went to a faith school and I am an atheist. It hardly made me want to believe! Just let them know how you feel about it all in an age-appropriate way.

I don't know about your friends - that depends on them. With my closest friend, one day I just said "Look, I just don't believe in all this stuff" and to my surprise she said "Neither do I. I've been meaning to have this conversation for ages" and we had a good long chat about the absurdities of it all.

Original poster
comingoutasasathiest · 06/08/2012 22:12

Thanks for the replies. Smile

My friends are very very lovely and have been around for a long time. They have friends from all and no faith backgrounds.

School - yeah, I really want to leave them there. I guess we'll cross the various bridges when we get to them.

OP posts:
TheFogHorn · 06/08/2012 23:34

Welcome to the truly liberated club in which there's no fear of the dark, no fear of ghosts, no fear of demons, no fear of the lake of fire and no feelings of being superior or inferior due to faith or uncertain lack of.

My advice would be to explain to your kids that you no longer believe in God and maybe then they can stay in the school and let the lake of fire worries float off their backs. If that stuff was presented in a non-religious way it would be deemed child abuse.

This article might be of interest to you.......new.exchristian.net/2011/12/volcano-made-my-faith-drain-away.html

Original poster
comingoutasasathiest · 07/08/2012 20:45

Thanks foghorn Smile

I shall put me feet up and have a read.

OP posts:
TheFogHorn · 07/08/2012 21:04

It's not War and Peace! ;)

Hope it made you feel better :)

headinhands · 07/08/2012 21:54

Hi comingout. Bet that felt good didn't it? :). Like absolute clear self-honesty. I would do/say what you think is best for you and your family. I've not faced similar issues with the schooling so sorry I can't be anymore help than that but just wanted to say hello.

solidgoldbrass · 07/08/2012 21:56

Schools are not supposed to select or discriminate, so if your DCs' school wanted them to leave because you don't want to pay lipservice to superstition any more they might have a legal battle on their hands Wink.

Good on you BTW. I have never understood how any rational adult could take any of that shit seriously.

LaurieFairyCake · 07/08/2012 22:00

Don't move your children, there's no need - school is about more than religion.

You don't have to leave your congregation either obviously, if you enjoy doing good in the community that's a great reason on it's own. I'm guessing your friends will be fine with it, most people have varying degrees of belief.

KickTheGuru · 07/08/2012 22:00

Welcome to the light :)

As someone else said, it's a liberating place to be

technodad · 07/08/2012 22:43

Congratulations.

Why the name change? Is it that bad to be seen as a rational thinker?

Kasbaah · 07/08/2012 22:55

It can be confusing and scary for children who believe in god to have a parent who doesn't, so being sensitive is really important. My two have always known that I am definitely not a believer and I hope they appreciate that you can be "good without God" to coin a humanist phrase (tried that too, but not one of those either!)

KickTheGuru · 07/08/2012 23:04

I think it's so very wrong to make children scared in the first place.

Religion and hell and burning should be reserved for stories when you get older and realise its all shit

Kasbaah · 07/08/2012 23:12

Totally agree. My DD was devastated to "realise" we weren't going to end up in the same "after life". Hard to have the conversation with children (let alone adults) when you are speaking different languages.

KickTheGuru · 07/08/2012 23:15

And kids take it so bloody literally! I don't understand how any religious person can say that they are teaching their kids something "good" when the reason many people ARE religious is pure fear.

They take the unknown and the preach TERROR.

I would be very, very angry if anyone said anything about religion to my children. Very angry. Wrath of the guru type stuff.

TheFogHorn · 08/08/2012 01:10

I agree with you KTG. I am even dead against any New Age propoganda being pushed in the school. I definately want to make sure my child doesn't find out about the lake of fire. I can still remember learning about that and finding it very hard to come to terms with. I found it awful that my parents were not able to reasure me that I was definately not going to end up there. Kids have enough to deal with without that. I would keep older kids away from the internet too because it's full of 2012 doomsday fraudsters (plus other bad things of course!).

Imagine a child who grows up with no knowledge of the god idea, 'heathens', witches, ghosts, lakes of fire, hell, etc. Probably very innocent and positive.

KickTheGuru · 08/08/2012 10:31

Although, how on EARTH do you discipline your child as an atheist

"Well, if you don't eat your carrots...erm....only I will be angry. You erm...won't go anywhere really because there is no after life and erm....I guess I can tell your dad. The one who actually LIVES though. Not the made-up one"

Original poster
comingoutasasathiest · 08/08/2012 13:17

Wow, thanks for all the replies. Really appreciate it. I am really enjoying the lack of mental gymnastics now I no longer believe!

The school is delighted to have anyone of any/no faith so there won't be any issues there thankfully. It is about 70/30 faith/non faith kids and ditto the teaching staff. They tend to focus on the being-good-to-each-other aspect rather than hell fire and damnatiion, and it is easy to opt out of religious ed and a number of kids do so.

Name change is just till I have spoken to my rl friends as they know me on here too!

Thanks Smile

OP posts:
TheFogHorn · 10/08/2012 03:25

'how on EARTH do you discipline your child as an atheist'

I find the positive, encouraging, praising, inspiring, enthusiatic, rewarding, honest, no bullshit approach works really well. I don't need any props, be they lakes of fire or third party men in the sky. I do, however, sometimes say, 'Because it's the law' when it's not....and that's the extent of my lying when disciplining....or being the boss....with my daughter.

Years ago, I did used to make up stories about The Wizard of Oolabaloo and make up a voice and pretend he could suddenly appear out of nowhere (my hand doing a puppet impression) and give words of wisdom to fit the night's tale in a very low and slow voice. I stopped doing it though as I felt it was too frightening.

AnitaBlake · 12/08/2012 22:30

I'm gonna tell them about the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the teapot in the rings of Saturn :) once they know His Noodliness has His meatball eye on them.......

Don't hide it love, well done for joining us.

AMumInScotland · 13/08/2012 09:43

I think the important thing in life is to be honest with yourself about what you do or don't believe in, and to avoid hypocrisy with other people. But I'd also say it's important to be reasonably sensitive to other people's beliefs, specially your children and the children you've been teaching at Sunday School, and not suddenly turn round and say "I've changed my mind, it's all a crock of shit". That may be a conclusion you've reached after months or years of careful thought, but if you go from publicly saying you believe the lot one week to believing none of it the next then you risk making them feel very shaken up for no real benefit. Better to approach it carefully and deal with issues as they come up, broadening out to "Well there are different views about that" and then moving to "I've been thinking about this and I don't really believe X any more". That way they are more likely to work through the complexities with you and learn to think about their own beliefs, rather than worrying that you were lying to them, or that you might equally suddenly change your mind about other important things. Of course that's assuming your children are quite young yet - older ones are more likely to have faced questions and doubts about faith already so it won't seem such a big deal.

technodad · 27/08/2012 08:55

OP. are you able to reveal your normal MN name yet? How did your friends in RL take the news?

garlicnuts · 27/08/2012 15:32

I am really enjoying the lack of mental gymnastics now I no longer believe!
Yes, indeed :) Welcome!

Love that link, FogHorn. I've always thought god sounded remarkably like a volcano! Does anybody else think that guy's quite hot?

headinhands · 27/08/2012 16:45

I was totally diggin' the pony tail and specs combo. I'd do a bible study with him no messing.