How to get a 4 year old to sit still at Mass.

[Pinkiemum]

I haven't been to church in a while as I felt the church we were going to quite unfriendly (not in England), my daughter was not even allowed to be in the church just sent to creche.

Last week I decided to try again and went to the English mass that they now have every week. I am getting my ds baptised in decemer when we visit my family in Australia and don't see the point of this if we don't go to church.

Last week it went quite well I was actually complimented on my daughters behaviour even though I thought she could have behaved better, she would not sit still and actually lay on the ground at one stage.

Today she misbehaved so much I took her out, I let her have something to eat as she said she was hungry, she promised to behave when we went back in, but did not.

I feel she takes advantage of the fact I cannot tell her off especially as I am holding my son. She says the pews are uncomfortable so that is why she won't sit.

Has any one got any advice.

Pick a church with lively worship and comfortable seats.

How long is Mass?
I think you may be unrealistic to expect a 4 year old to sit still for long.
I'd take a cushion and some quiet toys and non-rustling snacks and promise big rewards for afterwards if she is good

Go regularly. Bribe - but only give said bribe after entire church service.

Also, does your church have a 'little church'? If your DD is there for half an hour or so, it means that she won't have to sit still for so long.

Mas is about an hour, that is one of the reasons I stopped going to the Dutch one as it went for over an hour and a half and she hated being sent off especially as it was not the same person every week looking after her.

She did have a book and I do not expect her to sit completely still. It does not have little church as it especially for English speaking people and sometimes there is only ten or twelve people. ( I live in the Netherlands)

There are not that many Catholic churches to choose from.

I do not believe you should eat in church, when she was younger she used to have raisins, but I think she is old enough to sit for an hour without eating, my fault this evening as I should have given her a snack beforehand.

I know it is different but at the same age I sat still or was removed, definitely was not allowed to eat in church, play with toys or even read.

Fair enough, but there is no way I could have got my 4 year old to sit quietly for that long during something she would have found boring.

I think she just has to get used to the idea of sitting still- it takes practise! I used to arm myself with books and quiet toys and promise to go to the hall for cakes afterwards if they are good. I have never found a church with comfy seats ever!

My mum used to do a death grip on our legs. And a Stare, which was a Promise Of Punishment To Come.

We behaved immaculately. And are all atheists.

DD and I were in Mass the other week for her BFF's First Communion. DD told me off for fidgeting.

A 4 year old will fidget in church, always. It's not naturally the most exciting place for them to be.

My DS is now 7 and he still fidgets and faffs about. He takes a couple of books with him now to read during the sermon which seems to work. When he was younger - probably about 3 or 4 - I took a small bottle of water and 2 rice cakes, crayons, paper, toy tractors, picture books and a blanket. He would happily play on the floor of the pew for most of the service and would delight all the little old ladies with his dancing during the hymns. He also enjoyed "helping" the church warden - doing the collection, collecting hymn books at the end, snuffing out the candles etc. How about seeing if your DD could "help" while she was there, feeling all grown up and doing something useful might keep he amused and involved.

Not taking children to church is a good reason to be an atheist.

However, I have a CofE DH and DDs at a church school and thus we end up there on occasion.

DD1 picked up the mood and was quiet.
DD2 was vile, even at 11 she's useless.

In all honesty modern DC just don't know how to be bored and I don't know the answer, except finding a church like my friend goes to where they have toys in the corner and a Sunday school. They want young families to attend and accept DC will make a bit of noise, therefore they have a much more vibrant congregation than our lot.

Nintendo DS?

My kids are so bad with me at mass that I won't take them. I just can't face the embarrassment. They, of course, sit perfectly through school Mass My mother used to pinch us if we misbehaved in church and we sat through Mass without any toys books etc.

It is obviously down to my discipline (or lack of it).

I think Jeee has the right idea - go regularly and give a reward at the end if she is good.

I am going to leave my DS at home for a while so I can give her my full attention, plus bring colouring books, make sure she eats before hand and try a bit of bribery.

Thanks for all your advice. I know I can' expect her to siy completelt still, but I would like her to behave a bit better than she did on Saturday.

Go regularly, take toys. I've toughened up and I now ignore any looks our way if there's noise and tell myself that the oldies should be very glad I'm helping the church survive into the next generation. My 4.7 ds with speech delay and poss ASD is getting there - he definitely gets the being quiet bit. Also he's a runner so we normally sit in a pew with one end up against a wall so we only have to protect one end

Hi, I take my 5yo and 7 yo ds to mass most weeks. The have been going since they are little so I think getting them to sit still or at least behave to an ok standard is a gradual process.
I would suggest books that she can take, religious if possible, so she can look at them during Mass. I would also allow mine to take in a small and quiet toy to occupy themselves with.
Would she be interested in "looking out" for certain bits of Mass e.g Cnsecration, Our Father, bits with Bells ringing so she is starting to follow Mass?
I tell them before Mass that if they are well behaved then they will recieve a treat after Mass, usually its some chocolate.
If mine are really naughty I give them a warning, then they are taken out and punished - e.g favourite toy taken away. Usually the threat of no chocolate is enough.
I definately notice if we miss Mass for a couple of weeks the behaviour gets worse when we go back so I think consistency of attendance is key.

I take my almost 7 year old and 4 year old. The 4 year old isn't as enamoured with it, my elder daughter is going through a pious stage , not sure which is worse

My mass is only 45 mins so not as long - where we are the children can't go to the childrens club until they are in primary school so the mass is full of fidgety 3-4 year olds. Chocolate after definitely. Will she flick through the bulletin, doodle on a bit of paper? We bought "my first missal" books which helped. But the real difference I noticed was that my elder daughters behaviour at mass really improved when she realised one of her teachers went to the same mass

Lollipop?

I take toys and books and sit at the back. Quite a few families just come in for the consecration/ communion part as well.

When we take DS we bring religious coloring books and picture books, etc, so it feels like he's doing something "churchy" even if he's a bit fidgety.