Anyone else host a home group and find it makes them..

[poshme]

turn into a screaming banshee beforehand trying to tidy the house/ have enough chairs out/ clean the kitchen/ get out enough tea/coffee/fruit tea/ cups/biscuits etc!?
We host ours every 2 weeks, and the people who come are lovely. And I know that they probably wouldnt mind a bit of mess. But I feel I should tidy up and hoover and clean (I'm a bit of a slattern) cos they're coming.
And I have 3 under 6. So there are piles of kids crap toys everywhere, and stuff everywhere, and shoes & coats all over the hall.

And my DH wont get in until 5 minutes before they come (and some members of our groupr helpfully turn up 25 minutes early most times). And no-one else has kids of that age any more. In fact, only 2 other people in the group have children - both sets of people have 1 child, and they're teenagers. And I feel like theyve forgotten what its like.
so I have to sort out the house, and get the kids to bed, and cook for me and DH ready for people to arrive at 700 730.

And EVERY time I end up screaming at the kids cos they've got toys out. Or made a mess in the kitchen, or something.
And then I feel horrible.
And I resent it.
And I shouldnt.
Sorry its a big rant. My DH thinks I shouldnt get so worked up cos "its not a big deal"
We host because its hard to get babysitters...

when I say they helpfully turn up early - sadly its not the helpful people so actually its a total pain them coming early.

Need to read before posting - we also host cos not many people have a room big enough - there are 14 of us altogether, so I put out enough chairs and then our leader arrives and says "oh x & x cant come" and it just makes me more cross.

Could you push back the time of the group? Sounds like it's far too stressful for you as it stands. You also need to be clear with those coming early that they need to arrive at the arrival time, as you are putting dc to bed etc - just don't answer the door

I think you are taking too much on yourself getting it clean etc - people should take you as you are, a mum of young dc - toys being left around etc is par for the course. In some ways it's good to have it in your home as it means you and dh can both go, but in others causes more stress. I've led home groups/alpha groups etc for years including when my dc were v tiny so understand. I also felt pressure for the place to look reasonable, but often failed, and people really didn't seem to care too much.

Can you eat with the dc on home group nights and dh eat later? So you're not cooking on top of it all? Or make it easy on yourself and get pizza/takeaway that night?

Say - can I ask that people arrive on time and no earlier because of the disruption to my children's evening routine... with a smile and serve cake.

Or if that seems too assertive say... If ever I don't answer the door before 7:30, I'm sorry but I'm bathing the children. Bedtimes are sooooooooo busy. I make sure we are (just about) ready for 7:30.... and then DON'T answer the door

Talk to the group leader and explain the situation. Get the group leader to then explain to the group that they should not turn up early. It would also be nice if the group leader could ring you with expected numbers earlier on.
He/she is probably not a mind reader so you are going to have to tell him/her.

This is why we've hardly ever hosted. I think we did it maybe twice?

Ok - first of all - no more 7/7.30 start. Tell the leader that this is becoming impossible and you want people to come no earlier than 7.30 with a view to 7.45 start.

The group need to take it in turns to make tea and bring biscuits. Whoever is doing it that week can come for 7.30 and not before and go in to the kitchen and use their common sense. When it's your turn that's what you'll be doing

You need to tell your dh that it may not be a big deal to him. That's because he ISN'T THERE in the run up. That's fine but it means he loses the right to an opinion

It's not helpful for Christians to be so (justifiably) irritated with your brethren that you can't concentrate on the study. Be clear that things must change and smile as you say it.

Oh and pot calling the kettle here because I forget this all the time but have you tried praying before the event? It's amazing how much more smoothly things can go if you've found a minute or two to pray through it first. Time and time again as I wade through sloughs of crapness I find myself thinking 'should have prayed about this....'

Agree with the other posters, but would also like to add my two ha'pence worth - 14 sounds like too many for a home group to me. Couldn't it be split into 2? Also, If I'm hosting, guests bring the nibbles.

Thank you so much for your replies.
They have all just gone- and we did have a lovely evening. Somehow perhaps helped by the fact that I got behind due to answering an email about Sunday school just before they arrived, so wasn't at all ready with chairs/tea etc - and when I apologised they got the chairs out and made tea...
So clearly I just need to do less and let them do more! It just feels inhospitable if I'm not asking people what they want to drink..
Sorry can't see on phone who said to pray more- but yes must do that too.

Sometimes they do bring nibbles/cake but it's not organised, so often there is lots or none. I think I need to be more assertive about it. Our leaders (it's a couple) are lovely, just quite relaxed about organisation (I'm not).
And no-one was early!

Thanks again- I'll re-read this thread in just under 2 weeks and try and act on all tips!

Just a thought about the cakes/biscuits poshme - would it be possible for them to be brought ahead of time 'for the next homegroup'? That way you could have them on hand in the cupboard (wouldn't work for homemade cakes perhaps, but was thinking minirolls etc which are packaged with a considerable useby date). Would save the crisis thoughts of what would happen if the one who was due to bring the snacks was unable to make it last minute.
I used to run a support group and found it was pointless relying on others as they'd forget easier to do it myself and had to anyway, as I was using a hall and not easy to run to the nearest shop for milk and biscuits when they weren't forthcoming!

I never host our fortnightly house group, partly due to having an unsociable dog, partly due to working very uncertain hours, so sometimes I dont get home in time for the group anyway. I've aways been really appreciative of those people who do host, and offered to bring biscuits/cake, wash up afterwards.

The regular host of our group had a word with a non-host who introduced the suggestion that offering the house to meet was generous enough, and could anyone 'chip in' with some support? - our group now have a 'rota', so that we all take a turn at supplying refreshments, and those people who can host, take turns too, plus everyone shares the setting up and tidying afterwards, if you could talk to someone in the group you trust, and ask them to make suggestions re.sharing roles and being sensitive to times, the group may well sort out the problems without you having to. Most people are just so relieved they aren'y hosting, they'll offer any support they can.