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Philosophy/religion

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Feeling lost.

8 replies

CatPower · 22/04/2012 12:55

Hello everyone,

I've been lurking this board for a while, more so lately, and now I'm finally biting the bullet and posting.

I've been trying to deal with some serious depression for many years, since my teens. It took until last year to finally go to my GP and explain just how lost and empty I'd been feeling, and she's been helping me with medication etc, and I have a psychiatrist and group therapy which helps as well. However, I always feel as though something is missing, like there's an emptiness in my chest if that makes any sense at all.

I was brought up a Catholic but haven't been to church for a long time, and I am opposed to a lot of the RCC's beliefs so I know I wouldn't be happy to go back there. I have always had leanings towards Eastern and earth-based beliefs, bookshelves laden with the likes of Buddhism and paganism and there is definitely something in each that resonates in me... I just can't put my finger on what.

I'm not sure what I'm expecting by posting. Reassurance maybe? I just know that there is something out there and I wish I could really, truly feel it.

Thanks for reading my rambling post!

OP posts:
SillyBeardyDaddyman · 22/04/2012 13:03

Have you tried finding a Buddhist temple near you? Speak to the monks about whatever is troubling you and see if they can offer you some guidance or advice on meditation. This would help you discover if it's what you're looking for.

blobtobetter · 22/04/2012 16:41

I wasn't brought up a Christian and my family are not believers at all. When I was in my late teens I started to notice a lost feeling - like part of my heart was missing. It felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells and I didn't know why. I never expected to find faith - I didn't even realise that that was what I was looking for! I just assumed I was the only one with this issue and that everyone had figured it all out and I was trailing behind and just not getting it.

What I am saying is that I thought I was the only one feeling lost - everyone else just seemed so together but behind that public face they had struggles too.

I went through a time of searching through different religions from Quakers to Druids to Mennonites to Celtic Paganism. I guess I was looking for a purpose and a faith that just felt right - like that was where I was meant to be.

FlamingoBingo · 23/04/2012 20:42

Hi CatPower

Apart from the Catholic upbringing, I could have written that post. I have healed myself from life-long depression through exploring my spirituality (and other things as well, of course) - that regular connection with the Divine has brought me so much peace and ability to love myself and others.

I found myself reading about Hinduism the other day and kept thinking 'Wow! I'm a Hindu!' Grin

I spent years dipping my toe in the waters of Buddhism and Paganism, but it's really only since I had a horrible crisis at the end of last year when I found that I needed to pay real attention to exploring my spirituality, and I am finding it is in a belief and love of the Divine in everything, including in myself. And the daily practice of connecting with the Divine, through yoga and the creation of altars or shrines. Also things like walking barefoot on the earth and singing songs that remind me of all that is.

I've started going along to a quarterly chanting group called 'honouring the divine feminine', and am lucky enough to have a few friends along a similar path to mine - some a little way ahead, some a long way ahead - with whom I can talk about these things.

I was given some Oracle cards for Christmas, and I find them to be a huge source of support and guidance. I've read books by Lynne McTaggart about quantum physics and why such a lot of spiritual traditions believe what they do (ie. because it's actually true - energy does have a memory (aka. spirits); focussed intention does work (aka. prayer); and we really are all connected (aka The Divine).

I think open your mind and heart to this path and just see where it takes you. I resisted it for years and years just thinking that, although I was drawn to it all, it was all just a bit too 'way out' for me...and then I got the Oracle cards and was told to throw myself into the changes in my life, so I did...and now I'm more well than I've been my entire life. I'm off my anti-depressants and I feel more whole and light than ever. And people keep telling me I look beautiful! Although I've changed nothing about my appearance Smile

I think what I love about Hinduism is that they believe that The Divine is both a higher power, and something within us, and something that connects us, and something that creates and resides in nature, and something that can be 'embodied' in various idols and statues, and within the idea of Gods and Goddesses...ie. what you want it to be, and what touches your heart.

FlamingoBingo · 23/04/2012 20:43

ps. Have you read anything by Ekhart Tolle? I found A New Earth was a really good awakening book that is not specific to any one religion, but more about finding the Divine/whatever-you-want-to-call-it within yourself.

CatPower · 23/04/2012 21:34

Oh Flamingo, I think you might be me, further down the path, if that makes any sense at all! I think you're finding what it is that I feel I'm lacking, it's really encouraging to see someone on a path I can hopefully follow, in time.

I need to find that spark, that connection to God(dess)/Divine... knowing it's out there but not feeling it (yet!) is both frustrating and exciting at the same time! What kind of Oracle cards do you use? I'm always drawn to tarot cards but never sure which ones to use...

SillyBeardyDaddyman - I really should try to find a Buddhist temple or group that's open to observers/nosey folk like me!

blobtobetter - how's your search going? Did you ever find what you were looking for?

OP posts:
FlamingoBingo · 23/04/2012 22:11

I have Doreen Virtue's Goddess pack and her Angel pack as well now, but it's the Goddess pack I feel most drawn to. I'm not sure what I feel about the existence of angels.

I read a lovely quote on Pinterest today, although I don't know where it comes from, that says 'everything you need will come to you at the perfect time', and I really, truly believe this. Although I can be very impatient, and impetuous at times, I have learned to be still and listen and the path is always, always shown to me clearly when I'm in the right place to see and hear it.

I'm aware that this is me wanting someone else to experience the joy my path has brought me, but may I tentatively suggest that you try to do the same - don't do, just be. The answers will fall into your lap, I'm tempted to promise you!

The more I 'sought' things, the more they remained just out of my reach. As soon as I accepted that I would be shown my path, and that I just needed to learn to 'be' where I am right now, things just kept appearing. I was invited out of the blue to attend a moon group (Shamanic women's meeting at the time of the full moon, held by a Medicine Woman), which was a real eye-opener to me, and a test of my ability to open my mind and heart to other ideas.

Then a friend gave me a piece of rose quartz and invited me to try her Oracle cards, which showed me amazing insight. Again, this was for no particular reason. In February, my own cards said that in three months time, I would do something to do with singing. I noted it and then forgot about it. Two months later another friend sent me a flyer for the Honouring the Divine Feminine chanting workshop, which I felt really drawn to. I went along, loved it, felt full and joyous, and came home and remembered that the cards had told me that singing would become an important part of my life.

And just when I want to start honouring the wheel of the year with my family, I hear about a local woman who is starting to hold events for families doing just that.

The best insight comes through moments of stillness. I really recommend learning either yoga (especially the pranayama) or meditation, to bring that stillness into your life. And do things to ground yourself - go and stand barefoot in the garden and just 'be' - feel the earth beneath your feet without judgement, just feel it. Feel the air and sun on your skin - or drizzle, or whatever - without judgement. The more you do this, the more you'll find you're connecting with whatever will bring you the guidance you need - but don't seek it, let it find you.

x

RedMolly · 24/04/2012 11:30

Hi there

Just wanted to second what flamingo has said really, only I think she's put it all far more eloquently than I can. I think i'm on much the same path. I've had quite a convoluted journey including through catholicism and various pagan paths. I always end up feeling that the structure of a church, any kind of authoritative heirarchy or set rituals have ended up being barriers rather than aids to understanding, although they have maybe helped me get further down the road.

I am currently practicing yoga and meditation and find it has opened me up spiritually far more than any other kind of practice I have ever undertaken. I did practice yoga for years without finding this happening but wonder if this was because at the time I identified strongly with other belief patterns.

Of course yoga doesn't require any belief in any religion, but now I am more open minded I too feel more and more drawn to eastern traditions. So weird what you said about hinduism flamingo - I had the exact same experience last week! I expected more of an affinity with buddhism but that hasn't been the case. As it stands though i'm quite happy to not be labelled and to just find my own truths, whatever tradition they come from. My advice would be enjoy the journey and don't worry too much about the destination!

blobtobetter · 24/04/2012 15:22

CatPower I am still on the search but am a Christian. Never thought that would happen as RS lessons at school were awful. Now on with learning more, developing my faith and hopefully finding a church to join.

I don't think you ever stop searching!

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