v upset by other christians in christian prayer group, wsid?

[weedsneedcutting]

I moved to a new area a year or so ago, and haven't yet managed to make (m)any friends. Then by chance I was through the friend of a friend put in touch with a woman in the village who has similar aged kids etc and we got on really well. Like her a lot.

She mentioned she goes to a prayer group once a fortnight with other mums in the village. I went along. I was the only Catholic and they all go to the same very evangelical waving arms in air and bursting into song type church, but while it's not my style I wasn't put off and enjoyed meeting s a few other women and Christians. They mentioned another member who wasn't there that day, and spoke of her drug abuse/addiction and her amazing life change and finding God and turning everything around etc etc

So, next meeting, Mondy, she was there, and her previous drug problems and amazing life change were again discussed, this time mainly by her. She is clearly a much loved and admired member of the group.

Anyway, she then proceeds to slag off Catholics, extensively on and on and on for ages. At first I couldn't believe my ears, the kept talking about 'they do this, they do that' I thought I'd misunderstood, so I asked who she meant by 'they' (cos I was also astonished she would rip to shreds another group when a member of that group was sat right there!) She told me she meant Catholics and continued. A couple of things I tried to put my pov about, but she went on and on. the others either agreed and joined in, one made a bit of an effort to say, "well, not all catholics....." answer yes but they.... and so it continued.

I then said I thought it was a shame, disharmony bwn christians, and I said imo our basic fundamentals are the same and that Christian unity was very important. That got a bit of a half hearted response. Then the carried on...

Some of the things I think she had a bit of a point on, but I fundamentally object to the sweeping "all Catholics", but lots of stuff, I guess come down to opinion/beliefs, and some I would say was just point blank wrong.

I am a couple of days later still pretty upset. Partly cos I didn't challenge the completely wrong/untrue bits. Partly cos in all my life I have never been attacked by another Christian, and now I'm not sure if I should go back (since I went, I have seen some of them about e.g. in nursery or in the street and people actually said hello to me!, so I loose my glimmer of friendship) do I have a word with my friend (but I still have only met her a few times) do I go and just politely try to defend Catholicism or ignore her comments, or just never go again?

Wow, that was long, sorry.

I think you feel the tell the person that you feel hurt by her comments. Use "I statements"

Ie. say "I feel hurt by your anti catholic comments. I would prefer to focus on what we have in common rather than our differences. Otherwise it makes friendship betwen us difficult."

As you say a lot of religous differences is simply a opinon. You can argue about opinons until the cows come home where as feeling are more definate. These christians might not realise that your feelings are hurt.

The only time I would see her is at this group, and they all know each other and go to church together, and I am an outsider and a newbie and I truly don't think I could say anything to her in front of all of the others.

thanks for your reply.

You'll find a great many people dislike the Catholic church, but then can't actually name a Catholic they don't like. They also don't know what goes on within the Catholic faith because they never go to Catholic church This is very insulting and ignorant of course, but it seems that Catholics are fair game these days

I think you need to tell these people just how they are hurting you and that they're not following their beliefs by attacking your faith in this way. Take this woman to one side if you're not feeling confident.

Also, try to find yourself a Catholic church and made some inroads there. Evangelicals are often extremely judgemental and uncompromising towards the beliefs of others and you may not get anywhere with these people.

Come on, hidden, if we're talking here about Christian unity and not slagging off other expressions of Christianity you can't make that kind of sweeping statement about evangelicals and 'these people.' Totally agree with your first paragraph though :)

Most evangelicals I know, and that's a lot, are not at all judgmental but fairly gentle and nice and friendly. I prefer the term post-evangelical for myself but that's a tangent I won 't go off on

OP that's hard. It does sound like the group have been nice and welcoming in the main and it would be a shame to leave because of this woman's ignorant comments. Perhaps she has a past which causes her to look upon catholicism in this way? Either way, if they are an open and friendly group it should be fine to say how you feel and that you'd like to discuss these issues a bit more. If they're closed to this then that is a shame.

I agree, we should be looking at our commonalities, not perceived differences and what is wrong with other denominations. :( Unfortunately the church is made up of very flawed people.

Hope the situation sorts out. If you feel unable to talk in the group how about approaching the friend who asked you there and asking her thoughts on it?

I wasn't sure about approaching friend, as I have only known her a very short while (though apparently she has been keen to meet me, as our 2 sons palled up last year, so she has known of me a while). I didn't want to put her on the spot, and am also a bit concerned the others also hate catholics! They all seemed to agree with some of the (outrageous) things she was saying!

Her mum is catholic, she said. Sort of in the same way people slag off other e.g. black people and say "I'm not racist cos I have a pint with the bloke 2 doors down and he's black and he's ok".

Most of the things she was accusing catholics of were exactly what she herself was doing, or else things I have only ever come across from other evangelicals, never a Catholic tbh.

Anyway, apart from feeling upset about her views, which I do, and attacked, which I do, I also see an opportunity for friendship dissolving.

I go to a Catholic church every week and feel very happy with my parish and community, but it's unfortunately not in my village and I don't know anybody local.

madhairday, of course I can make sweeping generalisations about evangelicals, I'm a Catholic

I totally understand about anti Catholic prejudice. My MIL told ds1 (who is having Catholic confirmation soon) that "Catholics worship Mary" I wasn't impressed with that and felt quite insulted.

I think you are going to have to say something to this woman and tell her that you value the friendship, but that she's being very hurtful and she needs to lay off and keep her thoughts to herself. Presumably she doesn't go around insulting other people over their life choices, so why this? She's being totally unreasonable.

Catholicism seems to be very misunderstood. However, Jesus did say that we would be attacked because of Him, so perhaps it's a test of faith I really hope you manage to resolve it and are able to continue the friendship, but don't feel that you have to just tolerate somebody being hurtful like that.

It really depends on what she was saying about Catholics, or rather the RCC. Perhaps some of it was true?

Hidden, I know some evangelical Catholics

Some of it was true, or rather, she had a valid pov about some things, as I said in my OP, but also some things were just plain wrong. (one of the true things, well, things that had some truth to it, were "CAtholics don't know the bible". I think many Catholics don't know the bible as well as many evangelical christians. But to say they don't know the bible, and to lump all catholics in this category, and to even be on an anti-catholic tirade with me sat there made me feel very :(

BUT, even it what she was saying were true, I think it is totally rude, ignorant and bad manners to sit there slagging a group off when a representative of that group was sat there. I don't even know why she was ranting . I mean I have only been twice, both times her drug past was much discussed, so maybe how much she hates Catholics is her second favourite topic.

I also object the sweeping evangelicals' comment.

I attend an evangelical church, having been bought up C of E. Dh was bought up in a brethren church (basically ultra protestant if you're not familiar). We know that there are people in our church and in his family church who do take the sort of view you are outlining. At a 'meeting new people' lunch at church dh had quite a 'firm' discussion with one such person who said some frankly apalling things about catholicism. However these are the exceptions. Some evangelicals take this view. They're wrong.

I think this is a moment for asking yourself 'what would Jesus do?'

Number 1 on the list would be don't be driven away from where you need to be spiritually and emotionally by one person's anger and prejudice. Go back, go in love and friendship and try and start again. If she says anything about your faith, just tell her plainly that you find that hurtful, you know Jesus Christ died to save you and you would like to talk about the study you're looking at. Oh and pray before you go - miracles happen!

I was going to say maybe it was the Catholic church she had a problem with, rather than individual Catholics. But it's still very insensitive to go on about it if she knew you were Catholic and new to the group. And actually from what you've said it does sound more 'personal' than being just about the church. Are they maybe trying to convert you or something?

They don't sound very nice tbh, I'd find somewhere else to go if it was me. Just because you don't know many people in the area yet it doesn't mean you have to put up with idiots who treat you badly.

Did she know you are a catholic? I hope she didn't - my guess is she will be very embarrassed when she finds out.

It's a tricky situation - i feel for you - but you are now living in a village and you'll have to find a way to get on. What she did was ignorant and must have been very painful and shocking for you.

Maybe you could approach your friend (not the one who unleashed the anti-catholic tirade!) and say that, as you are a catholic, you were hurt and upset by the sustained attack on your religion.

I second northernlurker's advice to pray about it first; and second that miracles happen. It could be that causing you so much offence is a chance for this woman to address her hideous blind spot. dazzling testimony or not, what she did was very rude and ignorant.

If you don't feel you can approach your friend about it, maybe leave off attending the meeting for a while until/if you feel strong enough to go again. Continue to be friendly to her when you see her, perhaps invite her over/out ie move the relationship/s on to more of a social footing?

She definitely knew I was Catholic. i had told the others last meetin ( they asked what church i went to), and then this time, it came up at the beginning. Then when she started on her first rant I asked who she meant, she said Catholics and I told her againt that i was one. Despite this she brought up several times realy anti- c stuff.

Ayway, you're right, all i can do is pray for her and the situation.i just need to work out if i do tis from afar or go and hope she doesnt do it again. If she does i'm not sure what to do.pray more i suppose!

Born-again Christians and 'happy clappies' generally dislike Catholics.
They're jealous.

how rude
I know 2 evangelical 'born again' christians and they've both been very rude to me about catholics

One of them is actually a good friend and the other my MIL, who took the opportunity to make a jibe while alone with me. I think it's weird.

You could also point out to her/them that the best way to bring about change in any church is through prayer and acting on God's word from within it - not neccessarily by just criticising it.

The church is the peopled, no denomination is perfect!

Fuming on your behalf and I'm not catholic - take her to visit a high church of england church (I didn't know these existed until about 10 years ago) that may make her shut up for a while

If she clearly knew but then went ahead with it, with the others' backing, then I am quite simply lost for words. I shouldn't be - I've been on the end of some appalling attitudes and behaviours within the church - but I am. Her behaviour really is gross ignorance imo.

I have recently had to tackle some people in my church about something along the 'gross ignorance' lines. It was very painful for me to do so, and the cost was high: I can no longer attend that church (so that's me, churchless). I have gone over it, with my decision to confront what was, in effect, slander on a shocking level: was I right to do it? I can't see I couldn't do something about it but I really don't know if I made the right decision. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do someting but in this case it was someone else's reputation that was at stake. I'm not sure what you can do about this incident OP. Pray about it, of course. you never know what will come of it or what your course of action could be. I am reminded of Joseph's 'you meant it for harm but God used it for good'. If this attitude is in the church, somebody somewhere has to challenge it?

re 'some people in my church' re people in leadership.

Weeds - please don't go to this church any more. These kind of christians are around in various places and they are very damaging groups to associate with imo.

I came across exactly this kind of group when I was at university (called Christian Union). They were not real christians imo - they were homophobic, judgemental bigots who would attack other churches in a boastful way - as they themselves were impossibly, pompously assured of their own salvation. They even felt they had 'control' over who went to heaven or hell.

I have no respect at all for people like this - they are best avoided. Ignore them.

But you get pockets of this kind of shit whatever church you go to perceptionreality

springydaffs I agree sadly.

No, you don't springydaffs - not at all, not in my experience. I went to a catholic school. We were never told by smug people that we were going to hell, nor was anything pushed on us. Other people's religions and faiths were never slagged off.

Same goes for my C of E church which I (infrequently) attend. Semons are food for thought about current affairs and how they relate to the NT and people are left to make up their own minds. No telling people they are inferior or going to hell, no slagging off other religions. No pressure.

Sermons not semons!

'Born-again Christians and 'happy clappies' generally dislike Catholics.'

Problem is, this thread is about tolerance and respect for other denominations. Comments like this simply show it doesn't work the other way round. Why are you tarring all evangelicals/'happy clappies' with the same brush? Just having a preference in worship style does not make somebody intolerant and judgmental. I'm getting tired of these kinds of comments - it hurts me as much as the catholic bashing hurts the OP. Why can we not just love each other and accept each others own preferences? I'm angry with the woman the OP talks about, what she has done is utterly unreasonable and frankly vile, but comments like this hurt people too. Come on!