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Original poster

Bible reading at a wedding..I'm atheist

53 replies

Ismeyes · 08/04/2012 21:59

What should I do? I've been asked to read at a wedding, which I am very happy to do. Except I have been given a passage from the Bible and I am atheist. I feel pressured to do it, but very uncomfortable. WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ismeyes · 08/04/2012 22:28

That is fair enough Lydia. I didn't realise it would be a passage from the bible at the time (because of the couple), but I think you do have a point.

OP posts:
tribpot · 08/04/2012 22:29

If you're worried about letting them down at short notice (I assume the wedding is next weekend or similar) - I got asked to do a reading at my grandfather's funeral, on the day of the funeral. Had no time to practice it out loud or anything, so that was nice. There is bound to be someone else to do the reading for them - and it seems very odd not to have consulted you beforehand on the reading itself, irrespective of whether you were religious or not (but especially as you are not).

LydiaWickham · 08/04/2012 22:29

Hmm, I would say you've left it a bit late to think about this, you agreed. So, you either have to suck it up, read it the best you can, possibly starting by saying "This reading is taken from Book Z , chapterY, verseX and was picked by[bride] and [groom] as having special meaning to them." or say you don't want to read it, but understand it's rather late to pull out of this, so offer to pay for reprinting of the orders of service.

stretchmummy · 08/04/2012 22:30

Depends what it is, just because you are an atheist you don't necessary have to disagree with what is being said, what passage is it? You can espouse "Christian" values without being a Christian. Being brought up in Britain (as I suppose you were) then you probably do. If you don't believe the bible is the word of God then it is just another book to you, if they are not requiring you to state things that you feel are lies I would just get on with it.

Original poster
Ismeyes · 08/04/2012 22:34

Exactly stretchmummy, I could get on with many many passages, but this particular one cites me as being worth less as a non-believer!

I do feel it is assumption to think I espouse "Christian" values just because I was raised in the UK.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 08/04/2012 22:34

Ismeyes do you want to read this?

tribpot · 08/04/2012 22:35

Ismeyes doesn't want to give specifics but has noted upthread this particular passage means me reading something which immediately cites me as a non-believer as being worth less in my marriage than them.

Ismeyes probably doesn't believe his or her marriage is worth less as a result of unbelief :) And also didn't realise initially this would be a Bible reading.

Original poster
Ismeyes · 08/04/2012 22:40

read what Dione Smile

OP posts:
ClaireAll · 08/04/2012 22:41

Tell them to find someone else.

DioneTheDiabolist · 08/04/2012 22:42

The reading.[bublush]

stretchmummy · 08/04/2012 22:43

The "Christian" was in italics deliberately...which passage are they asking you to read? Its a wedding not a full on revivalist meeting presumably?

DioneTheDiabolist · 08/04/2012 22:44

That you have been given I mean.

defineme · 08/04/2012 22:46

Can you not just be honest? I assume these are good friends? I would say that I felt happy to read most things from the bible, but a passage that specifically critisises my lack of belief feels very uncomfortable.I'd go on to say I was happy to swap with anyone else, was really not trying to be difficult and wouldn't be offended if you left me off the list altogether.

If you really can't do that then does it really matter what it's saying?Can't you jjust laugh about the smuggery of it all? My dh is an atheist, takes his godfather duties seriously but found renouncing the devil all a bit much to take seriously, but nobody could tell on the day.

Original poster
Ismeyes · 08/04/2012 22:51

I am happy to read the first bit, it is just the very last bit which I find uncomfortable Dione. ( I didn't think you meant the reading, but I thought I better check you didn't mean the thread!).

defineme, when I was 15 I agreed to be a godmother and I have, on reflection, felt very uncomfortable about this, partially because I no longer have contact with the godchild, but also because I felt a hypocrite then and I don't want to repeat the experience. I don't want to hurt anyone, but equally I do feel able to stand up for what I believe in at the age of 30.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 08/04/2012 22:51

"but this particular passage means me reading something which immediately cites me as a non-believer as being worth less in my marriage than them."
Have you pointed this out to them? Have they realised this? I would, and explain that you find it upsetting. If that passage is important to them they can ask someone else, if it isn't they can change it. I know they've printed the Order of Service, but is it really going to be that obvious to most of their guests if the passage differs?

stretchmummy · 08/04/2012 22:54

It does matter what its saying...don't insult everyone there and yourself by reading things you can't sign up to, best to ask them to ask somebody else.

joanofarchitrave · 08/04/2012 22:56

I do sympathise - I was once asked to read a passage in the Bible which I found very offensive, not for a wedding though. I don't think there's an easy way round it - they are not going to love you for this. But if you feel truly unhappy about the reading, you do need to ask them if they would mind asking someone else to do it. You don't have to make a huge deal of your reasons, focus on the practical issues for them.

Could you swap with another reader? That might be a simple answer if there's another reading that is more general?

DioneTheDiabolist · 08/04/2012 23:26

Ismeyes you should not have to do something that you feel so uncomfortable with. Can you speak to your friend and tell them that though you feel privileged to be ask to do this, you are uneasy about some of it. Therefore while you are overjoyed to be a part of their ceremony, you feel that this particular role should go to someone who believes wholeheartedly in the sentiments expressed?

GrimmaTheNome · 08/04/2012 23:50

I'd say exactly what Dione says. She is (I think) a Christian, I'm an atheist - you've got the same opinion from both POVs.

TBH either your friend is pretty insensitive or else s/he really hasn't paid sufficient attention to the meaning of the passage you've described.

There are some bible passages an atheist can happily read (most of the usual 1Cor13th) and some which many people including Christians might balk at (the CofE has Ephesians 5 v 21-33 on its recommended wedding readings list - you know, the one that starts 'Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord.'Hmm) - anyone asking someone to read a passage that is supposed to have meaning should consider if that person agrees with it.

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/04/2012 00:43

Grimma, how did you guess?[bugrin]

Threerogues · 09/04/2012 16:23

A lot depends on whether they actually practise or are getting married in a church because it looks pretty. I imagine if they've asked an atheist to read a bible reading haven't exactly thought through what the thing means, which doesn't exactly bode well. I'd decline, explain why and find an alternative victim who is suitable.

BerryCheesecake · 10/04/2012 08:49

What verses have they asked you to read?

lilbreeze · 10/04/2012 09:01

I'm atheist too and would feel reasonably happy with some bible readings but not others. Dh is Catholic and for our wedding and our dds' baptisms) we chose the readings very carefully so that they were more related to "love" than God (especially if the reader was not religious).

What do you think your friends' reaction would be if you told them how you feel (and how worried you are at the same time about letting them down?) Is your name printed in the order of service?

Sympathies - I would feel exactly the same.

sayjay · 10/04/2012 09:07

I'm struggling to work out which passage it is too. It's hard to decide really, without knowing which it is. I can't think of a passage which states believers or their marriages are worth more to God than non believers.
I understand if you don't want to post it though. Are you sure you've interpreted it correctly and not taken it out of context ? (sorry, not meant to be patronising).

DonInKillerHeels · 10/04/2012 09:11

"I don't want to go into details in case it identifies me."

No it won't; there aren't that many readings usually read at weddings, so chances are it will be read at billions this year. You are going to have to say, or we can't knowledgably comment.

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