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Original poster

Ok whats the basis for choosing godparents?

39 replies

Mosschops30 · 04/02/2006 12:09

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Hulababy · 04/02/2006 12:13

DD has 4 godparents - 2 female, 2 male.

We (me and DH) choose friends. We didn't want to use family, as we saw godparents as being a way to extend DD's family. IMO family members already have their role - uncle, auntie, cousin, etc. Whereas this gave friends a more active role in our family.

We had to have one catholic godparent, and all had to be baptised themselves.

We actually chose two couples, two sets of good friends.

We don't see godparents as being potential guardians of our child though. That, for us, is dealt with through our wills and it is totally seperate from the godparent issue.

MerlinsBeard · 04/02/2006 12:14

we based ours on quite a lot of things....our first "set" are ppl who we would hope would look after our children should we both die (to stop grandparents arguing ), they are religious, not overly and we aren't so they could, if they wanted to, have access to religion there.
They are hugely importnat to me and i wanted to repay them somehow and this felt right.

The other godfather is creative and a tremendous friend to dp. he is a musician so we also have the opportunity to expose our children to the kind oif things that dp and i were both involved in b4 children

Socci · 04/02/2006 12:16

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Original poster
Mosschops30 · 04/02/2006 12:26

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Bethron · 04/02/2006 13:06

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scienceteacher · 04/02/2006 13:18

The job of Godparents is to pray for the child and uphold the promises they make in the baptism service.

Twiga · 04/02/2006 13:34

We chose dd's Godparents because like us they are committed Christians who we know will strive hard to pray for dd as she grows and will always be there for her, ans also set a good example for her as she grows. She has 2 Godmothers and 1 Godfather (a single friend and a couple), all of whom we're extremely close to, like Hulababy it was a way to extend the circle of people around dd who would be specially close to her like family. We wouldn't expect any to take on parental responsibility should the worst happen, although we know they would keep in contact - partly because we just don't know who we would want to take over from us and trust our families to take that descision - dd's is only just approaching 5 months!

fruitful · 04/02/2006 14:41

Agree with Hulababy. Uncles etc already have a role. Godparents are a way to give each child a special adult that they don't have to share. Three or four godparents in the hope that some of them will still be seeing the child in 15 years time! So its good if you can pick people that you see a lot of.

We chose Christians cos we want the godparents to pray for the child too. We had a dedication rather than a baptism and got to write the service ourselves so we didn't ask them to make any promises.

But we don't expect them to be potential guardians (thats where the family come in).

Chloe55 · 04/02/2006 15:20

Sorry to crash but question for Hulababy - why did you HAVE to have one godparent as a catholic? Was that your decision or the catholic church - same for the baptisms. The reason I ask is DH is catholic and he has asked his sis (also catholic) I have actually asked my brother (non-catholic) do you think this might be an issue in the eyes of the church?

I do not know the full history behind godparents as I am non-religious but I have chosen my brother for the reason that if anything happened to DH or myself then I would want him to look after our child. Not sure if this is the right reason or not but it is my reason.

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 04/02/2006 15:46

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cull · 04/02/2006 16:13

That was a big thing for us - who to choose for godparents. We ended up with BIL (who has been a problem person and we're hoping this will help him grow up!!) and my cousin (which was a HUGE thing because I didn't choose my older sister who I don't particularily get along with. long story...) But if, god forbid, something were to happen to my husband and I, I have no idea who I would want to raise my son.

cull · 04/02/2006 16:14

And neither of the godparents were in the country for the baptism and we had to have stand-ins!!

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 04/02/2006 17:09

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Hulababy · 04/02/2006 22:22

Chloe55 - DD was baptised catholic and the chhurch said that one godparent at least needed to be Catholic themselves, although not necessarily practising. If your church is the same - then the fact that DH's sister is catholic, then you have met the quota okay.

Aloha · 04/02/2006 22:44

My dd's secular 'fairy godmother' was chosen because I've known her for more than 30 years, so I know she won't duck out of my life. She loves children but has none of her own, so I know she will love being a godmother and really want to be involved, and she has a lot of love to give. I would also trust her to babysit, look after my kids if I was ill etc. Haven't chosen any other godparents.

Tommy · 04/02/2006 23:02

DS1's Godparents are very dear friends of ours - a married couple. The woman is very committed Christian and her DH is an agnostic - my DH particularly like that as we thought DS1 would have someone to chat to if he decided he was an agnostic too! More importantly though they both adore both the DSs and have a fantastic relationship with both of them (and often babysit )
DS2's godparents are my nephews (hoped it would make then a bit more regular church goers - it hasn't) and the midwife who delivered him (also dear friend from church whom I have known for 35 years )

DominiConnor · 11/02/2006 15:56

I'm a godfather to some random number of kids, and it's fair to say that for each of the parents I was the least religious person they knew.

What we might call "modern" godparenting is a sort of stand by role if something really bad happens. That means if any of my GCs parents die or become incapacitated I take charge of sorting things out, includuing taking them in if that is appropriate.

It means giving objective advice, and occasionally unthanked role as intermediary in disputes.

As for it being an issue in the eyes of the church, I understand that in general you are supposed to at least be some sort of baptised christian. As it happens I was baptised catholic, but no one has ever asked, and of course it's hard to check. The attitude of catholic priests is based upon the notion that it is saving the child's soul, so unless your turn up wearing a star of david or a turban, I would doubt they'd press you on this.
Quite different to marriage, where I observe the degree of christianity required to use the facilities is a function of the prettyness of the church.
At the most recent baptism we godparented at, became clear that only the grandmother, priest and us out of about 40 people had any real idea of what was going on.

foundintranslation · 12/02/2006 18:15

ds (being baptised next Sunday ) has 5 godparents:

  • 2 couples who are close friends of ours (the main friendship is between us three women, but all 6 of us have become close) and who both have dses who are a few months older than our ds.
  • from dh's 'side' (he's actually an atheist and will be at the baptism but taking no active part in it) his brother's MIL. It was important to me that all godparents are actually practising committed Christians (which made it a bit hard choosing someone from dh's 'side' - his family and most of his close friends come from the former E Germany which institutionalised atheism). dh turned down being a godfather to his niece for this reason.
mousiemousie · 12/02/2006 18:24

everyone has their own reasons for choosing godparents and I think they are all valid. I don't see that godparents have to be the ones who would bring up your child if you died, that seems a bit of an artificial constraint to me.

Do what you want to do!

DominiConnor · 18/02/2006 13:16

Indeed you don't have to constrain yourself that way at all. However it's a good point to review quite what you'd do if the worst happened, especially if you are single parent. Maybe you want a formalisation, maybe not.

Also a non-judgemental adult is sometimes useful. Priests usually are trained to be good at this, but christians in general are not.

ermintrude13 · 18/02/2006 14:21

If you're a Catholic, you will want Catholic godparents. If you are an evangelical Christian, you will want evangelical Christian godparents. Etc. If you don't go to any church you will not want any godparents unless it's for some tenuous sentimental reason or 'for tradition' - in whose name so many silly customs are continued. And if you have no religious beliefs you won't even have to consider these archaic matters.
Godparents are supposed to care for your child's spiritual wellbeing (whatever that means); they're not a chance for you to namecheck your best mates regardless of their beliefs.
Hilarious post from someone who's glad one godparent is an agnostic 'in case the child decides he's an agnostic'. Hope she's got jewish, islamic, sikh, hindu, pagan and satanists lined up too, 'just in case'.

tweeni · 18/02/2006 16:19

anyone had more than 5 god parents?

CarolinaMoon · 18/02/2006 16:42

Damian Hurley possibly ?

it's a bit less of an honour if you give it to so many people IMHO. And will your LO have such a special relationship with the gps if there are that many of them?

tweeni · 18/02/2006 16:46

well iv got 4 as a definite and i had my own godmother as a maybe but now my sister is kickin up a fuss about not being included.

CarolinaMoon · 18/02/2006 16:50

but she's an aunty. That's prob more special imo.

Like someone else said, I don't get this thing of making aunties, cousins etc gps - they have a special relationship with the child already.