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Philosophy/religion

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Original poster

Atheist/ humanist parents - what do you tell your kids?

12 replies

CrunchyFrog · 29/02/2012 10:46

My 8 year old is tripping me up all the time!

I have always said that I will present all options, and they can make up their own minds.

DD is at an Integrated School (peculiar to NI, still Christian in ethos as all schools here are required to be by law.) Lots of her friends will be making first communion this year, and several are "doing Lent," as she puts it. She's withdrawn from RE (as it is purely Christian instruction here.)

She asked about Lent, so I did the "some people believe that Jesus went into the desert..." gubbins.

I asked if she wanted to go to church to find out about it, she said no because her friends say it's boring.

She doesn't know what she believes and is a bit sad-seeming about it.

I can't help. I can't tell her what to think! At Christmas she was telling people she thought Jesus was just a story, and I know some of her friends were terribly shocked.

She knows I don't believe in any sort of god, and she also knows that she can go to any church she likes, any time she likes. What more can I actually do?

OP posts:

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 29/02/2012 10:48

Nothing!

I think around 7/8 they do get curious about faith and so on, and I remember answering lots of queries around that time. It's also (IME) the time when the children who do have a faith get quite vociferous about it - dd has two Christian friends who used to get angry with her for saying 'oh god', and make comments about heaven and being christened and stuff. I think it's a bit of a phase.

Original poster

CrunchyFrog · 29/02/2012 10:57

Phase is good!

I have visions of her joining the Brethren or similar in a couple of years, and me begging her to go and get a tattoo or drink buckfast in the park.

OP posts:

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 29/02/2012 11:00

When dd2 was 7 she went through a very odd phase (especially for the child of atheist parents) of invoking the Lord all the time.

'I wonder what's for tea.... hmm the Lord says.... sausages!'
and
'I am having a nice time - thanks Mummy, thank you sunshine and thank you The Lord'

Original poster

CrunchyFrog · 29/02/2012 11:05

ROFPMSL!

Oh, I love it.

OP posts:

startail · 29/02/2012 11:09

Answer questions honestly, that's all you can do.
My DDs know they have to make up their own minds, (very atheist Mother, quietly CofE Father and a CofE school).

Lovely to hear from some one at an integrated NI school. I know the headmistress of, I think, the first interdenominational secondary school. Amazing lady and incredibly brave parents.

WyrdMother · 29/02/2012 11:13

My DD is at a C of E primary and they have a sort of club, almost Sunday Schoolish on a Wednesday lunchtime, DD started going at age 6 and I got some questions about my beliefs around then. I just said that I didn't believe in God myself but she should make up her own mind. As a result I now go to Church once a month for the family service with her which is actually strangely enjoyable. We have a very achademic and endlessly cheerfull Vicar (never any mention of hellfire and damnation) surrounded by his posse of older and also endlessly cheerfull ladies who seem to do all the organising as the Vicar is a trifle vague.

They all know I'm an Athiest, have never tried to convert me and in return I don't shout "what a load of crap" while sitting in the Pews. Worked well so far.

In my opinion it does DD no harm whatsoever, maybe there might be something similar in your area?

technodad · 29/02/2012 19:52

CrunchyFrog

My kids are you younger than your DD and I have always just treated them as mini adults in this respect and just discuss events as they occur and explain what I personally think and then often discuss what other people "believe" too.

As an example, when their great grandmother died, my eldest asked "what has happened" and we told him that she had died and that her brain had stopped working and that her body would be put into the ground and feed the plants. We then went on to discuss that some people think that she has gone to heaven, but we (DP and I) didn't believe that because no one can prove that heaven exists. At christmas time we discuss why we celebrate christmas and what it means to an atheist, as well as what other religions celebrate (also why christmas was celebrated before jesus was actually born etc).

He goes to a C of E school and they are well into their praying, which has caused some issues (he doesn't "believe", but is scared to admit it to his peer group because he doesn't want to look different). And we have always told him that what he believes is his own choice.

We talk a lot about science and they love listening to music by "They might be giants" who do great songs that explain the world in very catchy and easy to understand ways. This means that they understand what "experiments" are and why there is no scientific proof of gods existence.

I highly recommend looking up They Might Be Giants on youtube by the way.

and

technodad · 29/02/2012 19:53

Oh, and I forgot to say. The most important message I try to give them is that people can choose what they like as a religion and that he should never treat someone differently because they look different, are religious etc etc.

Original poster

CrunchyFrog · 01/03/2012 10:09

Thanks all. techno that's pretty much how we do it, deal with stuff as and when. They attend funerals etc (Irish, de rigeur here.)

I love They Might Be Giants!

OP posts:

Diamondback · 14/03/2012 00:22

I too love They Might Be Giants!

On a more 'relevant to the thread' note though, I wouldn't worry too much about your DDs 'seeming sadness'. We can't and shouldn't protect our kids from all sadness, questioning or awkward feelings. It's part of her working out how she feels and what she thinks.

Not exactly the same, but my DHs neice went through a time of wishing she had a dad (hers is very much absent) and feeling 'different'. Then some of her friends parents started getting divorced and she saw all the crap they were going through and figured her situation wasn't that bad and, after all, she had a great grandad and uncle.

So, she had some sadness and some questions, but she worked it out for herself, is what I'm saying. Your DD will too.

HTH and that it makes sense.

Now sing, 'The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, like a giant nuclear furnace...'

LineRunner · 14/03/2012 00:30

I was brought up as a Christian, so I tell them about that. (And why I am no longer a practising Christian.)

I did Religious Studies A level, so I tell them about that.

I tell them about the history of religions, and I love history anyway.

The evidence for the existence of Jesus is an interesting discussion. The synoptic gospels' sources are fascinating.

How many kids even know what language the New Testament was first written in?

As for their need to believe, in something, we do talk about that too. The need for compassion might make us yearn for a compassionate god, for example.

ElBurroSinNombre · 23/03/2012 10:23

Tell them the truth - what you believe in.

When my son was about four we had a conversation about death where I told him that dying is probably like going to sleep for ever. He was a lttle upset by this at the time but I felt it was better to be truthful than to make something up. I also did the same with my other children.

Nearly 10 years on, I have a healthy, articulate, inquisitive boy (and the other two are fine as well) of whom I am very proud. He is certainly not fixated on death or anything like that. We do have talks about religion and it's place in the world and he has formed his own views. To me the greatest gift a parent can give is to allow their children to think for themselves.

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