What did I 'promise' when I had my children baptised catholic?

[twinklingfairy]

I am lapsed catholic. Brought up in the faith by my parents. Had my children baptised there because it was 'the thing to do'
But recently am not too sure if I want to bring my children up in a faith I don't truly understand.
But my dad says 'You made promises.'
What exactly 'did' I promise?
It was 3 and 5 years ago.

I know! I should have thought about it before but I just went along with the flow of my parents and now they want them/us at church every week.
My own way of doing things is simply not enough for them

bump

In short, you promised to bring them up Catholic.

There's no come back if you choose not to, that's your decision. IMO, you can't really bring your kids up Catholic if you don't understand the faith yourself, the most you can do is bring them along to Mass, but when they get older and ask questions, you're not really in a position to be able to answer them so you'll have to do something...

As I see it, you have 3 options:

1. Say to your parents that you don't want to bring the children up Catholic and that you will not be doing so (you can't 'undo' the baptisms, but you can choose to live as non-Catholics if you want, see below).

2. Find out about the faith yourself so that you are able to teach it properly. Most parishes have RCIA programmes which are mainly for non-Catholic adults wanting to convert, but they usually also accept Catholics who want to learn more. Larger parishes may have a separate programme and/or offer individual instruction. There are plenty of accessible books and other resources you could look into too. Possibly when you research it, you'll find that you don't want to be Catholic, in which case go to 1 above; possibly you'll find that it's great, in which case, stick with it!

3. Say to your parents that you're not sure what you feel about the faith yourself, but you're happy for them to raise the children Catholic until they're old enough to make their own decision. If they want to take the kids to Mass, teach them about the faith etc, leave it to them.

N.B. - your children are considered by the Church to be baptised Catholics for life, whether or not they ever receive any instruction in the faith. This means little if they choose not to practise, but if they did decide to practise as adults without the catechesis as children they could potentially have some problems. For example all baptised Catholics are obliged to have the Church's permission to marry. If someone married outside the Church and then came back, they would have difficulties getting their marriage recognised (depending on the exact situation they might be surmountable or not). This is not in itself a reason to bring them up Catholic, but if you don't then it may be the kind of thing you should mention to them as adults.

You can be de-baptised. I'm planning on it. see here

Thanks Fink for your suggestions.
Going through them:

1. Hmm, not sure I have the guts to actually say 'sorry, I just don't want to continue being a Catholic', to my parents.

They would ask to many whys that I just couldn't answer. I tried to talk to my sis about it and I was on the phone for nearly 2 hours, with her incredulous that I hadn't fully understood what it all meant, despite being brought up in the faith. She spent a good portion of the time trying to convince me that I would be making a mistake leaving. For every argument I had against she had one for. My parents would be the same. I think I would feel that I would be talked round, certainly they won't give up until I am back in the fold, but I don't think I want to be.

1. There is no way that I would go anywhere near the current priest in our local church. He has a funny character, smug, condescending, judgemental 'Oh Twink, you are here! Gosh it's been, what, 3 months 2 weeks.....bla bla bla'

If anything is going to chase me away it is being monitored. I couldn't question my faith with him because I feel unable to talk to him for more than a few minutes. As do my parents. He visited the house recently, my mum left my dad to it whilst she hid in the living room. And yet, I am expected to bring my children into that because my father says 'I made Promises?'

1. Doubt I could get away with that. Doubt my parents would want to come out here (10 mile round trip) at 830 on a Sunday morning to collect them. Would have to be my dad, I am not even sure my mum goes on a Sunday anymore (since she retired she doesn't get up before half 9- 10. Fair enough eh, if you can, why not?) but to judge me and find me lacking on such double standards??

In the meantime, I thought I had bought myself some peace by explaining to my mum that we were going to the local church of Scotland, and that I am talking to the children about God, and our beliefs.
So they are not being brought up with nothing
But when I was telling my dad a story about DD and how she believes that 'God is with her' with pretty much everything that she does, and that she tries her best to do whatever she thinks would please him (a lot of this is coming from her school too. Not a faith school at all but their school assemblies are very good. The Free Church of Scotland minister gives a fantastic child oriented talk every friday)

I am happy with my decisions but it seems my father is not :(