Looking for Peace

[butterflyexperience]

Lots of hurts through life have left me feeling angry and negative.

Not sure if I can forgive, but I'm desperate fir peace, which I find in by being compassionate and caring for others.

It makes me happy

Could religion also help me find peace?

And is there a difference between religion and spirituality?

I think religion/spirituality brings peace to some people. It certainly does for me. :)

The difference is, I guess, that spirituality is a bit more vague, whereas religions have a certain set of guidelines/traditions? Like Catholics do this, Baptists do this, etc.

What sort of answers do you need? I'd be happy to help.

Not sure

Think I'm thinking out loud if that makes sense?

I feel disheartened by religions as I feel for me to follow one it has to be perfect and so far I have not found one

Yet I long to belong, to feel devoted and connected to teachings that I can live my life by

Anyone else ever feel like this?

Yes, I have!

Which have you tried?

I think its possible to try to be perfect, but not possible to achieve perfection. As a Christian I believe only one has done that - Jesus. The bible says that too, that we all "fall short". A perfect person would be difficult to relate to I guess. I've had a few tough things happen in my life, and its given me the empathy to be able to relate to others in that situation. If I were perfect and had a perfect life, people would be perfectly justified in turning to me and saying "What do YOU know about it?".

Having said all that, churches consist of people, sinners as well as saints, and attending church won't necessarily restore your faith in human nature, as much as I hate to say it. But you can often find comfort there even if you don't believe, and if you do believe, its good to believe together, if you know what I mean.

Hello ButterflyExperience

I am finding myself to be very anti-organised religion nowadays, but I do think that a lot of the worlds ills, especially mental illness, would be non-existent if we all honoured our own spirituality a bit more!

I think you may find that reading what spiritual books you can, about all sorts of different paths, may help you on your own spiritual journey to find out what you believe in.

Personally, I believe in interconnectedness, and a Divine that is within us all, beyond judgement, and which also guides and supports us. I do not believe in a higher power, or in evil, really, either. I believe that our egos (what covers up our true spirits) make us do evil things, thanks to the things it experiences and the influences it receives from its culture (including, in some cases, organised religion e.g. the Crusaders or Islamic fundamentalists), but that essentially we are all just love and light and if we can dig beneath our egos deep enough to connect with that Divine-ness, then we can transcend our egos, including the unhappiness that comes with them.

The first book I read that really made me think about spirituality was A New Earth by Ekhart Tolle, which is really hard going and I wasn't really in the right place in my life to accept its wisdom. That was years ago, and it took a major psychological break-down towards the end of last year for me to really take a deep, profound look at my life and it's shallow-ness. Now I do yoga and meditate every day, I ask the Divine for guidance by reading oracle cards, which I trust are influenced by my own energy, and which have so far proven to be incredibly accurate and helpful. I pray and notice that my prayers have results - read The Intention Experiment by Lynne McTaggart for why prayer (or intention) works.

I love the feeling of peace that comes over me when I burn smudge (sacred herbs) or incense, and how easy it has become to quell negative, angry feelings by reminding myself to connect with my higher self, the bit of me that is not my ego, and that is, in fact, true and light.

Wishing you love and light on your spiritual journey

hi butterfly

im so sorry to hear about the negative experiences and hurt and anger that you feel - its so hard sometimes! we all go through this to some degree, some i think more than others. i am a christian, i spent a lot of time of my life not actively in a relationship with God (ie not talking to Him, not reading the bible or fellowshipping with other christians, not trying to put him first in my decisions etc) and i had no peace at all. i knew deep in my heart that Jesus was the way the truth and the life - because i had an upbringing that taught me about who Jesus Christ was , how he was the son of God, and how he died on the cross for me and could give me the power to change my life, give me peace, and give me a new life - new joy, the ability to love God, myself and others. i went back to Jesus, back to the church and its been the only way i have found peace. the bible says all else is sinking sand. everything else in this world can be moved, can change, people can let you down - but God will never change, can be relied upon, is always there for comfort, reassurance, and even when you don't know whats happening next or how to deal with something and don't have an answer - you can just trust that everything is in his control and is going to be ok.
He can also help you think differently about those whove hurt you and give you power to move on.
If you believe in a God, please pray God help me to know the truth about who you are. Guide me into the truth. if you are real, show me. and he will... He knows how hurt you are, he understands every one of your feelings even better than you do yourself if he is the one who made you. so he knows how to help you deal with them and heal them. thinking of you

Life's lessons can not all be taught and some have to be learned the hard way - so don't feel angry and negative. The important thing is to learn from them and understand them.

One of my former girlfriends always managed to find and date a drink loving women beating lover. She considered suicide, lesbianism and all sorts of other crazy ideas. A mutual friend got us together and she was really crying her heart out in gratitude at the end of the week. All her previous boyfriends had either raped her, beat her or treated her like crap.

I dated her more out of pity to be honest but it was a challenge to make her give up her bad habits which attracted the wrong sort of guys. I also paid for and forced her into a college course to get her life on track. She met another decent guy in college and we split up amicably. Last I heard she was a practising prosecution lawyer in Scotland.

The main point is that things can sometimes start bad but as long as you persevere and trudge on, things will work out.

Religion is the art of correct actions and patience. It's not simply something you can just read a book about and jump into two footed. You need to build your life up and around it but first you have to stabilize your social life.

Sorry you?re feeling like that, Butterfly,

To answer your question about spirituality and religion, I would say that religion gives you a framework for your spirituality.

Religion and spirituality do bring peace for many people of many different faiths. I can?t speak for other faiths, but Christianity is (or should be) heavily rooted in forgiveness and compassion. These can be hard to achieve, but can also bring peace. It will always be hard to find a perfect religion, because most of us that follow a religion are far from perfect, and often fail to live up to the ideals of the religion. I don?t think that means that people shouldn?t try though.

I hope you find an answer.

butterflyexperience I am so sorry to hear about your experiences and I really hope you can find peace. I believe that Jesus can give you that peace. I know it is not easy and sometimes things happen quickly, sometimes not. I agree with what jan2011 has written above.

Religion is not perfect but Jesus is! churches are full of imperfect people but I do believe Jesus is perfect and I think asking Jesus if he is real to reveal himself to you in a loving way, to give you some peace and lead you, would be a really good start.

Churches are funny old places, some are groups of people meeting in old ancient buildings, some are groups of people meeting in schools. They are ordinary people and they are not perfect, however they are made up of people who have encountered God, and also people who are searching for him. If you feel able to join in the search you may wish to visit a church locally and join in on a Sunday service, an enquirers service, or some other type of meeting/event where you can find out more. If (as we are on mumsnet!) you have young children you may find they have a group for mums/parents/kids, if you are at home during the day or the evening etc they may have a small group that meets at a time that can be convenient for you.

When choosing which to visit, if you wish to visit one, I would just find out a bit of info and see what you think. Most have websites now so you can get an idea of what they do/when they meet.

Personally, I greatly enjoyed doing an alpha course in my thirties, I was already a Christian but I have heard of many others who have become Christians through doing an Alpha course (which is a weekly evening course of chatting sessions around a talk given by someone in the church BUT don't feel I am suggesting this straight off, I am just telling you what I enjoyed!). If you want to find a church that is a bit vibrant, lively, outward looking etc it can be useful to see whether they run an Alpha course (or have a while ago) or what else they offer for enquirers etc.

I don't suggest that this will answer all your questions and at the end of the day meeting with God personally is the really key thing to finding healing (i believe, in my humble opinion) and hopefully churches have people in them who are also on this journey of life and are also looking to walk alongside God.

Having suffered anxiety attacks in the past and having got help through CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) I am a big fan of talking to people when things need help, and counselling for me was wonderful when I had my anxiety. No idea if counselling would also help you with any issues and with finding resoluton for some things. I don't think it is either or, I mean I found counselling helpful but I also asked for prayer when I experienced my anxiety attacks many years ago.

PHEW long reply, sorry to go on, I really wish you every blessing on your journey.

Butterfly - sorry to hear about all hurts you've suffered so far.
Perhaps you may find the Quakers a helpful stepping stone on your journey. ALthough Christian in tradition you don't have to be a Christian to attend their meetings. In a Quaker meeting you sit in silence for up to an hour, which I find really helpful for trying to get some inner peace, in the meeting sometimes people feel moved to speak about something they've thought of. I'm not a Quaker but I've always found their meetings incredibly restful. Their strong commitment to peace may be of particular interest to you.
Their website is: www.quaker.org.uk/
Enjoy your journey.

Personally, I found CBT to be more effective than religion as such.

butterflyexperience how are things going?