Any ex Christians in here

[googlenut]

Just wondered if anyone on here had been a fervent Christian but had gradually lost their faith. I've been a very passionate Christian in the past and would still long to believe but have been ground down by lack of any answers to prayer and by the utter diabolical behaviour of so called Christians ( so much worse then the kindness of non Christians I've received ). Anyone else in the same boat ?

Hi google,

I used to be a Christian. Brought up Church of England - my mum was a believer, my Dad's an agnostic (or possibly an atheist). I used to attend church regularly from 4-12 years old. Then when I went to secondary school I lost interest a bit, until around 16 or 17 when I got involved with a bunch of born-again Christians. All was great for a couple of years, but then there was a lot of pressure to go to retreats, go to various rallies, to get ever-more involved in the church (attending meetings almost daily), to get baptised, and to speak in tongues. As I began to distance myself a little I too found people behaving very badly. Their values didn't reflect what I thought they did, and nor did their lifestyles. What was written in 'the book' didn't seem to be reality. And the arguments about what things meant....aargh!

One of my main issues with any organised religion is the whole concept of having your faith tested

I didn't bother with anything for years but now, much later in my life I find I am what I'd class a pagan. To me it makes sense, but when I say I am pagan, I don't worship a particular goddess or god, I consider them all one and the same 'force' out there. I respect other people and accept that they have different opinions to me. I don't consider they are wrong and I am right, or the other way around, just consider that they are different viewpoints.

I like the fellowship that churches can offer, but I dislike the 'ranking' of power, the frequent black and white viewpoints of people, and the way that so many faiths condemn one another. I honestly don't understand the mentality behind that at all.

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. Is there anyone within your church that you feel you can talk to? Do you need to perhaps try looking at other churches in the area? Or are you more interested now in seeing what other faiths have?
I think you'll find this a good forum to air and exchange views. :)

Thanks for the reply red. I'm not going to any church now. I just keep trying to have faith, and would love to go back to the fervent faith I had before. But it's like I constantly have faith that God will hear prayers and yet there is never any answers. And everything good that's happened to me recently has all been because I have made it happen myself.

"And everything good that's happened to me recently has all been because I have made it happen myself"

• why do think God acts externally from you? I am a Christian but I don't believe in an interventionist God - just that you work with the spirit inside you to bring about change and move forward - does that make sense?

And obviously there are lots of people who act like arseholes in the world - lots of them will be Christians

Google,

Have you read any books on prayer? Have you thought about keeping a prayer diary? Do you belong to a home group/prayer partnership?

God does hear prayer, and answers them. You maybe are not listening well enough?

Are you praying for Godly things?

Are you expecting an answer on your timings or on God's?

Perhaps God is answering, but it is not the answer you are looking for.

Do not put God to the test.

'God does hear prayer, and answers them. You maybe are not listening well enough?'

That always reminds me of a friend who was telling us that she'd never had an orgasm. Another friend said she thought that the first friend probably had had them, but had never noticed. I just feel that if you have orgasms you can't feel, there's not a lot of point in calling them orgasms. Likewise, if the nature and timing of your prayer make no difference to God's answer, then why pray at all?

I do believe that prayer makes a difference to the person who prays, and in that sense is worth doing, like meditation.

Without knowing what the OP is praying about, it is hard to give specific guidance, but I do believe that meditating over small pieces of scripture is very useful. God speaks through the bible as well as through creation. That is perhaps where the answer is to be found.

Hi google

I became at Christian at about 9 years old and used to be quite full on into Christianity at least on and off until my 30's anyway. Since then I have slowly been a lot more questioning about the whole God thing.

I think I really started to analyse my beliefs around the time of the Boxing day tsunami. It's no secret that human suffering is a subject that is often hard to reconcile with a belief in a supposedly loving god and I think with me it's a headache I can't shift to the point that I just can't see that there is a god that is interested in humanity.

I can't reconcile this all loving god with the world. I know all the usual angles like 'god is not the god of this world' then why pray? Jesus says clearly in the NT to pray and ask for things but I can see no proof of divine intervention anywhere on earth. I hear Christians saying things along the lines of god giving them money for a new car, what about starving children, children being raped every night, children with no parents who have to beg on streets, and worse, to feed themselves and their siblings. How the heck does that tie in with god giving you the money for a car? I mean really. I can't swallow it anymore.

When I first realised I was going down a intellectual path that was probably going to cost me a belief in god I sort of went through a period of mental grieving in a way and I knew that there was no one I could talk to. It the ultimate 'thinking for yourself' exercise. Talking to a pastor was pointless because he/she would naturally want to recover my faith and likewise an atheisit would want to show me why they felt a loving god was extremely unlikely. I knew I had to do the thinking myself.

Since then I've taught myself a (very) little about evolution and cosmology etc, enough to see that the beauty of creation doesn't need the Christian god or any sort of supernatural realm as an eplanation. Ouch. I still can't believe I am saying these things sometimes but the only way I can/could believe the bible would be to unthink and not think. And to gloss over chasmic contradictions and hypocricies. I can't do it, I can't.

I will just finish off by saying that now I've actually started to take the responsibility of my beliefs myself it's actually opening up all sorts of fascinating interests such as astronomy and a new found respect for life and love and personal responsibility that fits inside me without having to ignore certain aspects or kidding myself abou having a 'peace' about something that I clearly dont.

I really don't think it's helpful to tell the OP that 'maybe she isn't listening enough.' This is quite possibly the sort of attitude she is referring to when she talks about some christians' behaviour not matching up to the values of being a Christian.

I think we all go through times when God seems to be silent, a blank wall, and sometimes people gradually lose faith, sometimes they find that the silence was in the end a strengthening factor. But saying that someone is not listening well enough is akin to telling someone they don't have enough faith when they are not healed. It's wrong on many levels.

OP, I am sad that you have felt this loss of faith. It sounds to me like you almost long for what you had. I can empathise with this, there are times I've been through when I wonder where God is, if God is there at all, and it's been a slog, but something in me has inspired me to keep going, keep choosing each day to believe - an act of will rather than a feeling. I've been experiencing something of this in the past few weeks, in fact, and just beginning to come out of the black hole and experience something of God's presence again. I have no idea why this happens, there could be all kinds of theories - tests of faith, us not praying enough, etc etc, but I actually don't go with any of these. I think it just happens, sometimes, and then there is a cold hard choice to make.

I do fervently believe there is a God who loves us passionately and it has been my experience that again and again God somehow brings it all together, makes it all make sense in a way that is undefinable. I hope you can find your way back to something that sustains you. When I have had these times of faith seeming to ebb away life feels suddenly very cold, but then I find warmth again in God and God's love.

So sorry you've had bad experiences with christians. People get it wrong, all the time, but it's no excuse I know.

It was only a suggestion, madhairday.

Sorry google. Realise I went off on one rather than responding to your post. Never really typed out my journey before and got a bit carried away.

Playing devils advocate here, are you possibly letting your experience of a few people colour your take on Christianity?

Sorry davida. Was having a monumentally bad week. No excuse for not wording things more nicely. :)

I can relate to this. I dip in and out of church but I always read the bible and believe that God is there in my life. Sometimes it is so crap though with things beyond your control happening.

God's timing isn't always what we want and we want instant solutions to problems. Well i do anyway.

I find the christians I know to be kind and friendly but I don't always like the cliqueness at my church and tend to hold back.

I used to be a Christian but I too found non-Christians less judgy, kinder and more fun. The other thing about Christianity is that God is locked in an ancient Bible with ancient rules, making god more and more outdated. My perception of God now is more a description of the positive energy that flows between us and everything. Really not some stuffy old man who thinks being homosexual is wrong. Christians' condemnation of that shows me their religion is flawed.

I also think Jesus was a wonderful spiritual messenger who only tried to get us to love each other, so were the other prophets, Mohammed, Gandhi, anyone who preaches love basically! The biblical 'rules' were the law of the land back then, relevant to them. Now we have the legal system. The only spiritual law is love!
I do sometimes want to find a kind of gathering that caters for non judgemental general spiritualness but I haven't heard of one!

Google,

I have never had faith (well, I can not remember a time when I had faith). You say that you "still long to believe" but felt I should add some balance to the advice you have been given so far. Basically, I wanted to say that it is completely OK not to have faith, and maybe this is a possible route from you.

If you are surrounded by a group of good friends and family (of any religion or of no religion, it doesn't matter), and get all your support you need from them, then perhaps you can just accept that it is highly unlikely that a god exists and move on from that part of your life.

Have you thought about replacing the part of your life that you used to spend at church with doing voluntary work in the community or becoming a parish councillor (or anything else that interests you)?

Just a thought

Ex-Christian now Muslim so if you want to spit your rage then feel free. I was never a comfortable Catholic and funnily enough it was investigating the comments of one fateful Church sermon that put me on the way.

I'm the type of guy who WILL check references and found many errors and lies in the ones used in the sermon. Gradually started uncovering the duplicity and false doctrine of Christianity and how it is actually a religion created by the apostle Paul rather than the prophet Jesus.

It was the books: Misquoting Jesus: The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why By Bart Ehrman, and Jesus Wars: How Four Patriarchs, Three Queens, and Two Emperors Decided What Christians Would Believe for the Next 1,500 years by John Philip Jenkins that nailed it for me (pun not intended).

It was probably the book: Three Faiths, One God: The Formative Faith and Practice of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam by Bruce Chilton that got me transitioning towards Islam.

Anyway, the main point is that you should never just be a blind a follower of a faith or just a "cultural follower" like Dawkins believes himself to be. Read, understand and seek answers whatever religion you choose.

I did lose my faith at one point. Actually for a long time. I hope I'm not being tiresome by posting on your thread, because i came back, was born again again.

I lost my faith because I was SO angry I could have powered my own universe. Something terrible happened to me and also, like most of us, I had been so badly damaged by people in the church. There is tremendous kindness, humility and mercy in some people who have no faith, are not believers, in a way that puts believers to shame. I still find christians revolting I'm afraid, but I'm working on it (or God is). I think God got his kindness to me through anyone who showed willing, and those people were exclusively not in the church.

What I would say - and what I wish someone had said to me - is keep talking to God. Set aside a time when you talk to him, even if it is a stream of expletives. On my way back to him our convos were almost exclusively me pouring venom at him - I simply couldn't do anything else and, here's the thing, it was honest. I genuinely felt like that towards him. I was intensely angry that he had not protected me and full of hate and bile towards the church. I didn't try to be 'good' and forgiving (I wouldn't have been able to even if I'd tried which, thankfully, I didn't).

Read the bible too - the psalms are good for times when you are feeling disillusioned. Whatever, have a look, even if it's a few verses, or just one. It may provoke another torrent of rage but at least it's authentic.

I have to say that my second christian tranche bears no relation, or very little, to the first: it is so different. More real tbh. He is totally stunning, very real and realistic.

I used to be Christian. My faith diminished the more I travelled. I came to the realisation that my beliefs were an accident of birth, and that if I had been born somewhere else and raised differently I would believe just as fervently in something completely different.

@ spring daffs, you arent actually me are you???? I could have written that about my journey, word for word. Re-engaging again with church again now but with a guarded heart. Still occasionally expletive rants upwards but the lines are open.

OP it's not about being good enough, praying right, being right.... It's about being who you are, being real about it. For me at my lowest I thought... Do I want to go through this hard time keeping the bits I knew (I somehow knew he was real, but didn't feel, experience, or have anything back) or did I want to choose to reject it. I chose the former. The book "when bad things happen to good people" (Jewish book) helped me work that out. I am a small Christian now, but what's left is real to me.

I love that phrase: I'm a small christian now.

I met a christian the other day - in a counselling/prayer situation (me being prayed for). I'm facing a very shit situation at the mo and, mindful that one needs to spread the load somewhat, I do go for prayer and try to outline it as succinctly as possible (nigh impossible), whilst trying to keep myself safe..

The woman who prayed for me was a big christian sorry to judge : full of gung and ho. I wearily put up with her. At the end, she asked me how long I've been a christian. When I said 30 years, she BLUSHED. hahaha!

I did feel a bit guilty afterwards - people like to think that the longer you're in this game, the higher you get. ime it doesn't work like that. No matter, she probably thinks I haven't 'been doing it properly' whereas I think I've met myself on the way back.