Struggling with faith at the moment

[practicallyimperfect]

I am part of a small group with people from church that meets, discusses, prays worships etc. We have been doing loads of stuff on identity for the past year, dreams etc, being what God made us etc.

The thing is am feeling a bit bitter and down at the moment. I really don't enjoy my job (secondary teacher), but don't feel there is any way out. I have loads of "dreams" but none of them are a reality because of money, mortgage, debt etc.

The others in the group have quit jobs to follow dreams, set up businesses etc. But I just can't do that. If I quit my job, the very next month we wouldn't be able to pay mortgage. There is a lot of "God will provide" but I struggle with that. There are plenty of people without, why doesn't he provide them? I feel like such a misery compared to them, but I am so resentful of them all following dreams while I am stuck in a job I hate.

I'll be honest, a lot of them come from quite privileged backgrounds, and I can't help feeling that that has something to do with it.

I want to have faith, but I just can't believe that if I quit my job somehow the mortgage will get paid.

I struggle with anybody claiming that God will provide, at least in a material sense.

Sometimes I think that God has a plan for us all, but sometimes I think that its really up to us what we decide to do with our lives, and belief in God just guides you into what you do with it. Eg - you have to pay the mortgage, so you go to a job you may not love, but you try to be kind to people while you are doing that job, and make moral decisions based on your belief. You might decide that some of your spare time coukd be spent helping others etc.

To me, believing in God is more about how you can help make life better for others, not just following your own dream as such.

Thanks. That makes me feel better. It is sort of how I feel. I feel actually, that it is a bit irresponsible for people to quit jobs that pay, in a way as there are plenty of people in world who have to do very miserable jobs for no money. What about their dreams etc.

I do try and be kind, but teenagers can be very testing :)

Mmm, I think 'following your dreams' in a literal sense is not always what God wants for everyone all the time. Sometimes he gives us the strength to stick out tough, miserable situations, because in the grand scheme of things, he knows that will be best in some way - maybe for us, or maybe because he wants us to be in those situations to be a blessing to others.

But I also think that being trapped in a practical sense (in a job, with debt etc) does not mean you are trapped spiritually. You can grow and learn, and go 'deeper' in your faith, and sometimes challenging practical situations can even help you in that, to lean on Him, have faith, and become more like the person you were made to be. The thing about faith is that when the world around you seems narrow and hard, you can see the truth - that God loves you, is for you, and you are part of an eternal amazing wonderful plan that he has. You can see that the 'real' world is only part of the story - there is a lot more going on than we can ever imagine. So you are where you are, and it may be you cannot change that. But where you are is in the hand of God, in his love, and part of his plan for humankind. Which is kinda cool.

I'm not a Christian any more, but I would have thought that 'following God's call' was more of a Christian concept than 'following your dreams'?

I have toddlers - I spend half my day thinking 'i must be more patient'. Bet I'll wish I was back here when they are teenagers though!

I am uncomfortable too with a slight sense of entitlement to living the dream - exactly as you say - I don't believe that God loves people in the developing world less than us.

I'm not always een sure that I believe in God to be honest. I do really like the Christian Aid slogan of - we believe in Life before death- though. I think if you are unhappy with life you should make changes rather than just put up with it, and some people believe that praying will make things clearer to them, eg we moved to an area that not everyone would choose, becuase we wanted me to be able tostay at home for the first few years with the children, and because dh actually works for a church, and had been working in the area for quite a long time, so we knew it wasnt as bad an area as some people think.

But that was just luck that our house sold, and this one came up at the right time. Other houses that we looked at, I would have had to stay at work.

Mind you - some might say that God was oroviding for us by the house sale etc going through att he right time - hee hee - I've just talked myself round to the other side.

Nah - I think we had it right the first time .

Sorry reading that back - i missed out the whole point of the Christian Aid slogan - was going to say it reminds me of why I think its important to be thinking of others all the time.

Abirdinthehand that makes sense. I am just struggling with that at the moment. I suppose I am angry and being in a job I don;t like, working stupid long hours, seeing my son (2.4) for an hour a day etc.

Joan I guess they would say that if God has put a dream on your heart you should follow it. But if it's a dream of a bigger house and nicer car, maybe it's not from God . I think it's just a terminology thing.

Hmm. I think you sound unhappy with your situation. That might be nothing to do with 'following your dreams' but just the normal stresses of being a working parent in a tough job.

I would say that that as Christians, we maybe should weigh up what's importnat using criteria that reflect our faith. So obviously money is one factor, but if we follow Jesus' example it's a pretty unimportnat one. That does NOT mean you should quit your job and get evicted, but perhaps it does mean re-evaluating your life (because you are unhappy) could be easier. Could you drop 1 day per week and still pay the mortgage, even if it meant no consumer stuff? Or move to a cheaper house?

But - it may be there is nothing you can do to change things. In which case God WILL give you the strength you need to get through this difficult time in your life, and has good plans for your future.

Do you pray about work much?

No not really. Work won't let me. I was part time for a year, but I have a responsibility (Head of department) so they I have to be full time. And they won't let me drop the Head of Department either (I have tried). I am pregnant with dc2, so will see what happens. Maybe then they will let me be 4 days a week.

Sorry, I realise I sound like a right misery! I never used to be like this. I am so sick of working 8-5, coming home spending an hour with ds, then working 7-10pm and then bed.

And we can't even afford a holiday. We only have one car, shop at Aldi. We made some bad decisions sohave debt. Own fault.

On the point about earning your living people often quote the lilies of the field which never fails to irritate me. So i try to focus on st Paul being a tent maker instead and not expecting people to support him. Doesn't sound like a very interesting job imo.

Its v frustrating having a tiring job that you don't much enjoy and I would guess you are v tired. Is there a way you could cherish yourself for an hour or so? Julian of Nordic basically told us to regard ourselves as dearworthy and worth loving and cherishing and I think she was a wise and balanced woman .i

Norwich not Nordic!

Mmm, that's good advice spendthrift.

Well I am going to have a bath and listen to some music to help lift my mood!

I agree with the tent builder!

Have a lovely bath.
I will pray for you.