I was never Christened when I was a baby, my mother wasn't Christened and I grew up in a family that was soley Athiest, although I was always Agnostic.
I had always felt that there could be something there, and used to pray to God for him to do something to prove himself to me, but he never did, I felt convinced that he couldn't be true, otherwise why would he deal me all the stuff I have dealt with?
My nan who I lived with for a while died at a young age, I was very close to her, then I had a rough time at school, was bullied, I dropped out of school and hung around with an undesirable crowd and got into drugs and doing things that I would now rather forget. After this I was a victim of DV for several years, which I managed to escape, eventually.
Me and my DS were housed so that his D(?)F couldn't find us.
Knock after Knock got me down, I couldn't find work and piled on weight, I felt used by the few friends I had, Life was bad, I used to regularly cry myself to sleep and the only thing that kept me from taking my own life is the impact it would have on DS.
One week I decided I was going to take myself to church, so on the Sunday I got dressed in a nice dress, DS in a nice shirt and trousers and we wondered down to the local church. We were welcome with open arms into the Sunday school, and went to the service and got a blessing, this is when my life began to change.
I met all the people from the village, it was lovely, forming relationships with the people that live the closest to me, I have never had friends that have wanted to help me be a better person. I have gotten close to the vicar and requested a baptism. I had never felt so sure that I wanted to be 'part' of something.
I got baptised by total immersion, it was the best day of my life, since going to church I had found myself a job, had cut contact with all my using 'friends', I developed some great relationships with people and met someone lovely. Life was good, I had never felt happier or more settled.
Until something happened to my DS, I don't know why it happened but in my head I think it may have been a punishment for sleeping with my DP when I should have held out. The thing that happened (I don't really want to go into it) involved another member of the parish (indirectly) and I stopped going to church.
After stopping going to church, I lost my job, my boyfriend, had to go onto benefits which didnt seem to want to give me any money, I had an STD scare when I got checked out after XP, I fell out with some friends, life was a struggle and I would fall asleep on the sofa because I didn't want to go to bed (it made me think of XP) I would find myself in tears a lot.
Anyway, I got a call from the vicar asking how I am and if I was still going to attend my confirmation classes, I looked over the timings and realised that my life was going downhill because I wasn't going to church. And it made me realise that God does prove himself, but he's not going to make your life better if you doubt in him.
I went to church on Sunday and my confirmation class, and this week I have found out that I am getting a new kitchen (My XP left me without even a kitchen sink) and today I got a tax rebate of over £700! Easing many financial worries. I don't need any more proof than this.