Slightly uneasy about a promise my DS2 wants to make

[saveus]

Both my DSs have been attending church and children's clubs at the Salvation Army. Although DH and I are not particularly religious, we felt Sunday School etc was an important part of their upbringing and would enable them to make their own decisions. I fully support the work of the Salvation Army and am involved myself with fundraising etc.

DS1 has never really "believed" but DS2 does (8yo) and wants to become a junior soldier. I support this as part of him exploring all things spiritual, but it will mean him making this promise

I do genuinely think he understands the first part about Jesus, but I don't see how he can pledge now never to touch alcohol etc, when he's never experienced it.

Does it matter if he makes the promise anyway? I'm concerned that I might be setting him up for a life of guilt when (realistically) he does start drinking. We do drink in moderation occasionally at home and have no plans to change that.

Could you talk to him about this being a temporary promise, while he is a "junior soldier" (from what I see in that website, up to age 14), and that when he gets older he can think about whether he will want to promise the same as an adult, because things can seem different as we get older. You can assure him that you respect his choice to make this promise for now, and will respect whatever choices he makes when he's 14, and that if they are the same or if they are different, that is all fine.

If you push the junior/temporary part of it, then I don't think he should be overcome with guilt if he changes his mind later.

Yes, I was wondering that. If it's a promise for a Junior Soldier, then it's a fair enough promise to be making.

My dad promised never to touch alcohol in the SA as a child. He's now an alcoholic. I don't think he feels guilty :)

That's interesting marmite. IS he from a SA family - i.e. was he brought up in a teetotal home? We've tried to show that in moderation alcohol ca be enjoyed, but DC do know that some people are unable to drink moderately and that for them drinking is a very bad idea etc.

I do wonder how much influence we can have and how much is just going to happen anyway.

Good idea about a "temporary" promise.

Temporary temperance! :o

Reinforce the harmful effects of drugs and cigarettes, but explain to him when he's old enough that alcohol doesn't necessarily lead to addiction or problems.

If I were you I'd be more concerned about this from the Salvation Army website:

The Army recognises that same-sex friendships can be enriching, Christ-honouring relationships, bringing joy through mutual companionship and sharing. However, same-sex relationships which are genitally expressed are unacceptable according to the teaching of Scripture. Attempts to establish or promote such relationships as viable alternatives to heterosexually-based family life do not conform to God?s will for society.

Rather than worry about his consumption of alcohol in the future (I can pretty much guarantee he'll not be taking this promise so seriously that he'll never experiment with alcohol), worry about what being associated with this organisation may do to him if it transpires he is gay.

I don't think they'll be teaching 8Yos about genital exposure?

I don't know if it will be any comfort or help to you but my nanna is 94 in June, and she still has the beautiful illuminated manuscript type certificate she got when she "Signed the Pledge" with the Temperance Society in 1926 --when she was 8. She has has one alcoholic drink in her life - a glass of champagne at her Silver Wedding party. She has never regretted it, or felt she missed out or anything. Admittedly, attitudes towards drinking today are very different, but she signed as a child and has stuck to it all these years without feeling like she's lost anything by it.