questions about C of E from a clueless one

[vezzie]

Hi,
I was brought up Catholic but am not any more. For various reasons I have been thinking about going to a c of e church with my dcs but realise I don't want to put my foot in it and don't know how it works. Please can someone help with these questions?

Communion - I have a vague feeling that you don't have communion in the C of E unless you are confirmed (in the C of E) - is that right?

What is the difference between "holy communion" and "parish communion" (2 different services timetabled on the parish calendar)?

Once a month is their family service. Is it bad form to take children to other services?

Sunday school is listed as being for children aged 3 - 12, at the same time as one of the services. So if you are going to the service as an adult, are you expected to put your dcs of that age into sunday school instead, or is it a choice, and might you keep them with you? And if your dcs are younger (mine are a baby and 2.9) does that mean I should be leaving them with someone rather than having them in the church at all? And when dc1 turns 3, would it be the done thing just to tip her into sunday school on her own where she doesn't know anyone and expect all concerned to deal with it, or should a parent accompany her?

Sorry about the very silly questions - in the tradition I was from the church was always full of children at all masses and having specific provision for children and families makes me nervous of making a horrible faux pas.

Thanks!

Hi Vezzie... I can't answer all your questions, I'm afraid, but I can make a few suggestions, and others will be along (maybe not till tomorrow - it tends to be busier on this bit of the site during the day... except for me: I'm the token night owl!) who can tell you more later...

Communion - I think that you're OK to take communion as a Catholic in an Anglican church (but not vice versa), but it would be fine to have a word with the vicar first to check.

Is 'Holy Communion' an 8 a.m. service? Or at some other out-of-the-way hour? Sometimes churches have a communion service (probably without music) every week, but at a less 'popular' time, and then the main Sunday service might only have communion every other week or even once a month. I suspect that that one is the 'Parish Communion'. But I don't know for sure. (I like to take communion every week, so I choose to go to our local cathedral where I can do that - even in the 'family' service.)

I am guessing that the 'family' service has, maybe, a sermon aimed at children or different songs or some other way in which children can take part in the service. But I can't imagine that it would be bad form to take children at other times... that would seem a bit odd.

I started going to church when my dds were already 8 and 10, so not sure about Sunday School, but, no, it's not compulsory. When I rocked up at the cathedral for the first time with dd2, they asked her if she wanted to go to their 'Junior Church' or if she wanted to stay with me, and offered her colouring books etc if that was what she preferred. I have heard some bad stories about people tutting at children making noise, but I have never seen it myself... I would say that if people tut your children you should maybe look for a more welcoming church, rather than feeling bad about it or that your children shouldn't be there... (WWJD and all that...!)

Even within the CofE churches vary massively, so don't worry that everyone else knows the 'right' way to do it and that they are looking at you or judging you for 'doing it wrong'. They may only have come from the Anglican church down the road but be equally confused!

Good luck with everything, and I am sure that others will be along soon who know more than I do.

Hi vezzie,

TUO has said a lot of sensible things, especially about C of E's varying hugely, so I'm just adding a bit...

I have taken communion for years in Anglican churches and have never been confirmed. (I was baptised at the age of 15 and joined a Baptist church then; don't want to be specifically Anglican, just a Christian who sometimes happens to attend Anglican churches.) So that's fine. Whether you receive communion or not seems to be left to personal conscience. Some churches will invite "all who love the Lord and have witnessed to their faith in baptism" to the communion rail, as part of the words of the service, I mean.

Sunday school: if I went to a new church, my older 2 dcs would go to Sunday school as long as the teachers and other kids looked friendly. If they hesitated, I'd probably go out with them and then wave goodbye and leave them. The younger 2 (who are 4 and 1) would definitely come back into the service with me. Having said that, the older 2 are used to churches, unfamiliar churches, Sunday schools and the whole set-up - if they weren't, I would probably go out with them. In the past, I've stayed in Sunday school for the rest of the service with them for a week or two till they feel more confident.

Basically, it's up to you. Do what you feel comfortable with - and just as importantly what your dcs will be most comfortable with.

As far as services go, I'm not sure what the difference between Holy Communion and Parish Communion is, but TUO's sounds a good guess. I'd go for a service at 10 or 11ish which has Sunday school listed. That's your best chance of seeing a family-friendly congregation.

Family service is probably a bit different, so I don't think I'd go for that first time.

There, look, I said I'd just say a bit and I end up writing an essay! I have specific difficulties with brevity...

There are as many different forms of C of E services as there are churches

Family service or All Age service is generally once a month. I tend to avoid that week as my DD is unable to sit still for longer than 2 seconds and I get fed up with her squirming and talking. Our last church had a huge box of toys and lots of children, so it was much easier (we moved). Usually Junior Church runs on the weeks that aren't Family Service - it doesn't mean they aren't expecting children those weeks.

Junior Church isn't compulsory. Mine has been going since we moved. Luckily there is another girl her age so she goes in with no problem. Some parents choose to go in with them - it's entirely up to you. Under 3s stay with you.

They'll be delighted to see you! And wrt communion, they usually say from the front something like 'if you love the Lord Jesus, you are welcome to share with us at the Lord's table' or something - baptism and confirmation are just outward rituals after all, what matters is what is in your heart. If you can honestly say the words in the liturgy before communion, then it is right for you to share it.

Some churches have a creche for little ones, Sunday school is not compulsory, and it took me a couple of weeks to get my DD settled and she was very clingy, but she loves it now.

And if you don't know, ask, as this thread has shown people actually love to be asked about what they do or did and why things are as they are. I hope you do go and get a lovely caring welcome.

Technically, parish communion means that children are present throughout the whole service, or at least go to their groups and return for communion (although the former may be called family communion). Holy communion, you would expect children to go to their groups early in the service and not take part in communion.

The other questions...

You can't always tell from service names - you have to just go and see.

At my church, we would call a child-focused service "all-age" worship. Most of our services are called family worship and children (0 -14) go to their groups after the first 20 minutes or so.

We only have children's groups in one service per Sunday, so that is the one to take children to. Some children go to the other services, but their parents usually load them with toys and snacks.

In our church, it is OK to stay with your child when they start their own group, but you'd be expected to join the teaching team if you were going to stay for more than a few sessions. I think our safeguarding policy kicks in at some point. Most parents are eager to drop and run, so they can get back to the service.

You are always able to keep your children in the service, but neither of you may get the most out of it.

Our church (which is a large very family friendly one) has a creche for under 3's every week and parents can either stay or go back into the service. For Sunday school I stayed with mine the first few mins then went back into the service when they were settled. My 3 yr old is always wandering round at the front of the church during the service and the vicar is very tolerant and tells me not to worry and he'd rather children felt comfortable in the church :). If I was going to a new church I'd probably just take one of the children the first time so it wasn't too stressful and I'd feel less self-conscious than if I was either on my own or strugging with two.

Communion - if you would take communion in your usual church /old church, then you'll be welcome to take communion in CofE. The RC church will officially disapprove of the fact that you've done it, but if you've left them you won't be worried about that I'm sure!

For your first visit, I'd say go with a service at 10 or 11 or so, the one with the Sunday school provided, as that will be the most geared to families. Just take your small DC in with you - there will almost certainly be other parents with small ones around. You might find there is a part of the church with toys and stuff, or not, it really just depends what they are like.

If you start going regularly, then you can chat to whoever about how the Sunday School works - most places will be happy for you to stay with younger DC the first few times, to get them used to the people/place. But they don't have to go to Sunday school if they are happy in church - it just most Dc are happier with suitable things to do and find a whole service a bit dull.

Okay as I often go to the Cathdedral (and also a on the fringes of another Anglican church).
Communion - if you would take it at your own church you can take it at an Anglican one, you don't have to be an Anglican to do so (the wording on the service sheet and of invitation usually state this). Oftn if you don't want to take communion you can go for a blessing instead. It is perfectly okay to ask the clergy or the person who welcomes you/gives you your hymn book about this. In both the Cathedral and other Church, children come up and have a prayer of blessing.
Sunday school is not compulsary, and often children don't want to go for the first time. My youngest is not forced to go, but is warned she then has to sit quietly.
There is usually one of: a creche, a toy bag, or a place to take noisy children out to. This is usually pointed out to you when you arrive, and you can use it or not as necessary.
Family services are often noisy and chaotic (and we always preferred not to be there), but some churches do make them more all inclusive, that is not just child centred.
You should be made to feel very welcome. Anglican churches often have sizable parts of their congregations from other church backgrounds.

Hi vezzie - not silly questions at all. I think the pp have given all the answers really - but just to say, go along and see what it feels like - see what the welcome is like for you and the dc. C of E churces vary so much it is impossible to say what any given one will be like, it's a case of testing them out - some are far more family friendly than others.

The whole parish/Holy communion thing - it's as honsoit says. Daft imo, but I'm only a vicar's wife I'm of the belief that children should be included in communion at all times, but that's another thread....

At the service I go to, the children gather separately at the start of the service and stay in their groups till the Peace. Then they come back in for the Eucharistic Prayer and are always included in Holy Communion. I like it this way around. It also means that if children are a bit unsettled, parents can go and stay with them till they're happy and still not miss any of the service.

(I think - but am not sure, not having LOs that young - that the pre-schoolers go out a bit later [before the Gospel?] and are thus basically just out for the Sermon and Intercessions... but still come back for communion.)