I am not sure.

[ElectricSoftParade]

I really do not want to offend or cause upset but I would like to try to talk about how I am feeling atm.

In the past few days I have felt drawn towards, I really don't know/God/ church. I am, or have been, quite firm in my beliefs i.e. we are born, live for a good while (hopefully) and then we die. I have lost many members of my family and loved ones and have not found God. I have tried and wished for it but I have not found any faith.

I honestly don't know what I am asking. I have been to churches to attend funerals, weddings and Christenings but have always ended up feeling a bit "Well, that was nice but...". My DCs attend Boys' Brigade/Girls' Association which has a Christian foundation and they are listening to the end of session prayers and then come home to ask questions.

My questions are: what should I do? Where do I go with these questions?

Thank you if you have read this and any advice would be gratefully received.

TIA

Hello there!

I don't know that I can offer any advice but I do know how you feel as I have experienced the same. I was brought up Church of England and was a regular church goer from the age of 4. When I hit my teens I got involved with some born-again Christians - most of whom were pleasant. For a few years. As they became more involved with the church, they changed, and I felt my faith shrivel up and die. I kept putting questions out there and getting a great big nothing.

For years I disassociated myself with anything religious at all, but in more recent years I have befriended people of many different faiths. My friends include Jews, Muslims, Christians, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhists, Pagans and Witches.

Nowadays I consider myself pagan as the 'ethic' fits my attitude to life, lifestyle, moral stance and general attitude. I don't actually do very much at the moment to celebrate the changes during the year but I have participated in rituals with friends before and felt great satisfaction/energy/connection with the earth, universe and everyone (sounds a bit hippyish).

All I can say is that you have many choices ahead. You can 'disconnect' from the church; you can try to become more involved and perhaps discuss how you are feeling with a vicar/priest/someone there that you trust. Or you could read a little more into other faiths that interest you.

:)

You could see if there's an Alpha course nearby? I've not been to one myself, but have heard many positive reports by people who have. I think they meet in people's homes, usually over a meal, and they encourage questions - that's their reason for existence, to be somewhere where people can bring questions about faith and Christianity - and give some idea of the basic beliefs of Christianity. It's supposed to be quite unpressured.

Or if that doesn't sound good, you could always try praying...? Or get down a copy of the Bible and read a bit - maybe the gospel of Mark as a starting point.

Thank you both .

Off to do a bit more thinking.

Hi ESP...

I don't know if this is correct (forgive/ignore me if I'm wrong) but, reading your OP, it sounds as if you feel uncomfortable about going to church, despite your recent interest in doing so, because you still have doubts or don't feel as if you have enough faith (or 'the right kind of faith') to justify your being there. Would it help to feel that it's OK to go to church even without faith? To be reassured that no-one will pin you into a corner and question you about what you do or don't believe? To know that there will be others there who also have doubts? Because all those things are undoubtedly true.

You say that when you have been to church you have thought 'That was nice, but...'. Perhaps you could give yourself permission, for a while, to focus on the 'that was nice' bit, and not to try too hard to go behond that for now. If you go, and listen, and enjoy the experience, it's possible that you will then feel ready to explore some more or to take that leap of faith. (I should put my hand up and admit that this is kind of what happened for me - I went expecting nothing and received - what? I'm not sure... faith, hope, love...? - anyway.) Or it may not, but, if that's the case, what will you have lost? If nothing else, you gain some peaceful reflective time in a busy life.

Think of it like this. You wouldn't say 'Oh, I can't possibly go to evening classes to learn German, because I can't speak German...' - you'd go to the class precisely in order to learn. In the same way, it's fine to take your doubts and uncertainties to church and to see if you can find some answers.

Something like an Alpha Course (no experience personally) might also help, but it may be that in the first instance just going and having that experience is enough.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

Thank you Totally, you have given me more to think about!

I like your German analogy, it makes sense.

I don't have pat answers although I'd call myself a practising Catholic (or maybe that should be a 'clearly-needs-a-lot-more-practice' RC ) I do agree with Totally and lost's suggestions sound useful. Personally I find that telling God about my doubts helps me. Jesus's apostle St Thomas also had issues, as did Mother Teresa so you're in good company