Is forgiveness (Christian) conditional on the other person saying sorry or not?

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Is forgiveness only possible if the other person who has cause the hurt says sorry? in other words if they dont say sorry (ever), don't appear to be sorry and just continues the behaviour is forgiveness (i) possible (ii) required?

In some cases it is easier to forgive someone if you dont have to have as much / any contact with them going forward - if this is impossible and you continue to have close contact with them is forgiveness even an option if there is no question (verbalised or in their behaviour) that they have done anything which might require forgiveness?

Its something I've thought a lot about, and read a lot about too. RT Kendall has written a couple (or maybe more) books on forgiveness. One of the things that struck me was something he said about "wrongdoing" in that only 1 in 10 people think they've done any wrong. And this is something I've experienced myself, when I've sought reconciliation with someone I'd thought had wronged me, but who refused to reconcile on the grounds they hadn't done anything, it seems!

So, I try to forgive wherever possible. Sometimes it requires me to forgive the same thing more than once. If I don't forgive then it causes me hurt, and it continues to do so, sometimes more than the original hurt did.

When the prodigal son sought forgiveness, his father didn't even wait for him to say sorry, before he welcomed him with open arms.

HTH

No forgiveness is not conditional on the person saying sorry or even remotely repenting. You are even expected to forgive the person if they are proud of the wrong doing they have done. Ie. Jesus forgave those who crufied him.

Its why forgiveness is so difficult.

No, forgiveness is not conditional. Luckily, or us humans would be in big trouble!

There is no tit-for-tat forgiveness, and saying sorry should not have conditions either. Forgiveness is not sacramental. It is something anyone can do and is powerful immediately.

However, forgiving others is wrapped up in being forgiven by God, according to the Lord's Prayer - forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Confession - saying sorry - is also integral to the Christian life.

If someone has done something wrong and hurt you, be bold and forgive them. Don't wait for them to say sorry.

If forgiveness means restoring warmth between two people, then perhaps it has to be reciprocal. I can make a little headway towards forgiveness, however, by acknolwedging that probably they did not mean to injure me; it was an honest mistake made in the service of some other good purpose. Only rarely will the offender have actively meant to injure me-- tho that leaves room for self-deception, of course.

Forgiveness is when you resolve not call someone to account in your mind. You put whatever they did to the back of your mind. You don't have to be friends with them. You choose not to seek revenge.

Forgiving is not forgetting.

It is really difficult to do, but no forgiveness is not conditional. Jesus demonstrates this best on the cross when he says 'forgive them, they know not what they do'.

I think that it is particularly difficult to forgive when the person keeps doing the same thing over and over and doesn't show remorse. Although this is exactly how we treat God! I think its reasonable to forgive someone but not forget and perhaps to lovingly but not naively perservere in your relationship with them. This is not something I find easy to understand though so please correct me if you think i'm wrong

The wrong/hurt doesn't go away. That is why Jesus died on the cross for us - so that we wouldn't have to pay the penalty.

If you drink and drive, and kill someone as a result, that death is always there. You can't bring the person back, no matter how sorry you are and how much the person's loved one forgives you. What you do have is a restored relationship between you, the loved one, and God.

You reap what you sow.

What about Matt 18:15-17? If someone sins against you tell them once privately, tell them again publicly, and if they still won't listen, "treat them as you would a tax collector". And the "forgive them 70x7" thing is talking about someone who keeps wronging you and repenting.

God's forgiveness of us isn't unconditional either, it is dependent on us recognising that we have sinned and asking his forgiveness through Jesus, isn't it? I know we don't have to list every thing we've done wrong every time but the general principle is that we repent and believe and are forgiven.

This is a great article on the subject - John Piper (scroll down a bit)

He says "the difference is that when a person who wronged us does not repent ..., he cuts off the full work of forgiveness. We can still lay down our ill will; we can hand over our anger to God; we can seek to do him good; but we cannot carry through reconciliation or intimacy. "

OP sometimes I think it might actually be wrong to forgive (in the sense of acting like there is no problem and allowing them to carry on doing it to you!). The person who is hurting you needs to understand that they're doing wrong, and if you let them off and keep acting like everything is ok, they're never going to get there - until they meet their maker and He tells them, of course. The bible is very clear that we are supposed to 'rebuke sinners', we are supposed to tell people if they hurt us.

If the other person is unrepentant and and you are not allowing yourself to get angry at what they are doing, if you are downplaying what they do, then there is a big chance that you're not actually 'forgiving', you're simply 'forgetting', 'overlooking' or 'pretending they didn?t do anything so very bad'. I think that acknowledging the need for forgiveness is an integral part of it.

Hmm.

Our being forgiven is somewhat dependent on our being able to forgive.

I don't think that forgiveness is particularly tied to confession.

Although confession is good and should be done!

For me, forgiveness isn't saying that what they did was right or that it didn't hurt or effect you. It isn't saying that you will forget or pretend it didn't happen. It doesn't mean you have to hear sorry, see remorse or tell them you forgive them although sometimes this may happen. I believe you may need to forgive people who have died or you may never see again because forgiveness isn't about them, it's about you.
I believe that Jesus wants us to forgive because it is what is best for us. If we hold back forgiveness, it will rarely have any impact on the wrong doer. If we hold on to the pain, anger, injustice etc, it will eat away at US. It will become a bitterness that hardens us and leads us to a place where the good things in life can't penetrate us fully. We live tainted by the wrong doer's action again and again and again.
When it comes to forgiving people whom we still have to deal with, like family members, sometimes you need to be very careful with boundaries so that the damage they can do is limited in the future. There is nothing wrong with this.
For me forgiveness is a process that I try to keep on top of, keeping short accounts but there are things that I have had to work through, where I chip away a bit each time I think about it. A bit like grief. I can be very aware of it some days more than others. I might not think about it and then I'll have to hand it all over again. I know I am better off. That I, not them, are better off because of it.

I don't think forgiveness is conditional at all. Yes, God forgives us when we ask, but also Jesus says 'if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly father will forgive you' - so we need to forgive others, no mention of 'when they repent' - only that we should forgive.

I always see it a different way round as well. For me forgiveness is about setting ourselves and the other person free, cutting off the chains between us. If we don't forgive we hold on to the hurt and bitterness and it can cause untold problems in our lives and pain that goes on for years. Forgiving someone who has not repented can be incredibly difficult but I believe that it is something we are asked to do and something healthy for us. I do realise that this is counter cultural and runs against the argument that forgiveness should be earned but the freedom in it can be substantial.

Back later - need to rush - but will think on it.