please can anyone advise me re mum and dd getting baptised together?

[magbob]

DD is 8, I am much more (!) and neither of us are christened. She asked to join the local Sunday School and has been attending since end of Oct. I have been attending church whilst Sunday School is on and I feel at home and comfortable at the service, previously I have felt as if I have drifted into a club of which I am not a member. I have been attending regularly and have looked forward to the services. DD would like to be baptised and I feel I would like to as well. Reading up on the subject it seems adults tend to combine baptism with confirmation. I am not sure if I am ready for this. Does anyone know if the two of us could be baptised together? I obviously would not need godparents and I assume DD wouldn't need them either. I see the process as a private matter between us and the congregation (to be honest, preferably by ourselves). Has anyone experience of this situation? Am I missing the point by not wanting to celebrate and share baptism? I won't be offended by anyone who can point me in the right direction. To be honest I don't really want to be baptised alongside a 4 month old in a christening dress!

All that confirmation means is that you are taking the chance as an adult to confirm the things that were said on your behalf at your baptism, if you were baptised as a baby/small child. So you wouldn't be saying anything very different from what you would say as an adult being baptised anyway!

But if you're uncomfortable about it, do chat to the clergy or whoever else at your church is available to talk about such things. At 8 they would want your daughter to do some preparation anyway, but it will depend how they arrange classes etc for different age groups. They may well be able to do something which will suit both of you, and arrange the baptisms together - I think most churches would do older people's baptism separately from ones for babies anyway, but its really down to how your local church likes to do things!

Thank you. You are quite right. Best person to ask is the vicar at our church. Silly being intimidated at the thought of talking to such a nice, welcoming man.

It's always a bit scary because it's a one-off sort of conversation for you, but he'll have had similar conversations with plenty of people before, and I'm sure he'll be very welcoming of an adult who wants to make a committment to their faith!

Definitely ask the vicar.

Normally baptisms happen as part of the regular service, but it may depend on where you are whether they are done at certain times of the liturgical year only (this was what happened at the church I went to in America...) or just 'as and when' (which seems to be the norm in the UK). I'd have thought it was likely to be just you and your dd, though... not other people's babies as well, iyswim.

As AMIS points out, as an adult, confirmation and baptism come to mean pretty much the same thing (at least, as I understand it - disclaimer: I am not an expert!). But your vicar can best advise on this. My dd is 9 and has been going to church for about 18 months now and loves it. We've talked about baptism (she wasn't done as a baby as my dh is a vehement atheist and I was in a very long and protracted agnostic phase, though I was baptised as a baby and confirmed in my teens) but she's only seen it done to babies and isn't sure it's appropriate. She has decided she'll wait a couple more years and then be baptised and confirmed at the same time when she feels she's ready.

Good luck to you and congratulations... I'm so pleased that you and your dd want to take this step.

I was baptised at the same time as my DDs (18m and 3y) during the normal Sunday morning service. There was no christening gowns to be seen, just a nice frock. It was such a lovely meaningful service without a dry eye in the church. The DDs had godparents as normal and I had a nominated adult to fulfil the same role for myself- a lovely lady from church who was more than happy to do it. It was round the font as well not a full immersion which I was very happy about although my DM, SIL and MIL were VERY disappointed!

A few weeks later I was confirmed with the rest of the confirmation candidates from our church which was special too but not quite as personal as there were about 12 of us (children and adults). Plus I felt more relaxed as all eyes weren't just on me.

I had to be baptised separately as there were so many of us being confirmed that day, usually it's done during the same ceremony I think. Being confirmed means that you're making the promises yourself rather than them being made for you by your parents. As an adult then really baptism and confirmation go hand in hand and does require some preparation. Talk to your vicar, they may be doing classes soon or may offer you one on one time to prepare.

Good luck with it all

Thank you so much for all your advise and reassurance. I feel very excited about my future relationship with the church. I am glad to hear adult baptism and confirmation can be separated as I would like the two of us to have a ceremony together. Confirmation classes have been announced at my church but they have been brought forward to Feb and March with the confirmation being at the Cathedral. This feels too close and 'grand' to me. I will discuss with the vicar and my friends within the church and progress at the correct pace for DD and myself. I have to say this Philosophy/religion/spirituality topic within Mumsnet is a pleasure to read. Everyone seems so supportive and non-judgemental.

I have just annoyed myself by seeing I used 'advise' instead of 'advice'!!

In the last year 3 mums have been baptised at the same time as their kids. It's wonderful to welcome these families into our fellowship, so selfishly I'm glad it's part of the normal service.
Your vicar will be happy to talk, it certainly is something worth celebrating

Yay, Magbob! I am excited for you too (and I do love a pedant! I always have to post to apologise for typos too!)

Don't necessarily write off the cathedral (unless you've been there and hate it of course!). It may not be grand at all. I choose to go to our local cathedral because our local church is not my style at all, and the services (especially anything involving children - and I've been to about three baptisms there in the last year) are really relaxed. And it would feel really 'special'... (Maybe?).

Good luck. Come back and tell us about it.

Thank you for your encouragement. It is Manchester Cathedral and I've only been there for 1 service which my son sang at which made it extremely special. I think it is the thought of a mass confirmation which makes that option unnerving! I'll definitely update following Sunday's service when I can hopefully talk to the vicar - as long as he doesn't have to dash to a service at another church!