Do you get emotional support from your church? What form does it take? And how can I get some?

[Mamamamoose]

I am a regular C of E churchgoer, but there is no opportunity to talk to anyone about problems I might be struggling with. Sorry if I seem naive, but how would that kind of need be met at a C of E church? I'm too embarrassed to ask the clergy for any kind of special audience, which seems to be the only way to do it at the church I currently attend. I'm thinking of switching to a church that maybe has more of a community feel to it? Would that work, do you think?

Oh no - I posted a long response and it got lost when MN went offline. Gah.

Basically I am in a group, but it's not very personal, and it's certainly not confidential, so I wouldn't say anything personal. Not sure how it would help for the vicar to know what demons I'm struggling with (to coin a phrase) - what could he then do with the info?

It's more that I'm looking for people to know my circs and be supportive. But not the whole neighbourhood.

Could you seek out a couple of people to make a prayer triplet? Groups (even home group type things) are often a bit too large to really feel comfortable sharing in. I was part of a prayer triplet that I found really helpful. We just used to meet eat cake talk over issues that were on our minds (some longer term, some immediate concerns) and then after we'd talked it out, pray for each other.

Other than that, does the church have any kind of person in charge of pastoral issues/eldership team etc or even a prayer ministry team as they might well be the person to seek out.

Prayer triplets sound like a great idea. Had never heard of them. Especially the cake bit.

The pastoral people, I'm afraid, I would not trust.

If you don't feel happy with talking to the pastoral team, then the vicar is your best bet. Its what he/she is there for. Sometimes just knowing that someone will listen and not judge you can help. Alternatively you could go elsewhere where you are not known and speak to a pastor there. Our local Cathedral has a pastoral team and also an 'on-duty' priest, for instance. If you would like ongoing support, then you might like to consider spiritual accompaniment.

We have a pastoral team in our church. This is about 7 or 8 lay people who have done a 3-year diocesan training course. Their job is to pray with you, listen, and give practical help.

We also have degree level Christian counsellors.

For everyday support, everyone is encouraged to be in a home group (pastorate), and to have one or two prayer/accountability partners.

Hallelujah, what is spiritual accompaniment please?

Honisoit, I would love love love to be at your church. Is that very rare? I'm in London, so surely I could find a church like that within travelling distance of me? How do I find out which churches have that kind of provision?

My church is just outside London. I think it is very typical of churches on the evangelical wing of the Church of England. There are lots and lots of these in London.

If you go to htb.org.uk - this is the website of Holy Trinity Brompton in Knighhtsbridge. They list all their church plants, which are churches with a similar theology and ministry value. They have many church plants in the suburbs and ordinary neighbourhoods.

Similar churches are All Souls Langham Place and St Mary's Bryanston Square.

Another thing to do is to look at the websites of the churches near you acny.org.uk and see what they say about home groups and pastoral care. Also get an impression of whether they operate 7 days a week. That is usually very telling.

I have toyed with travelling to HTB, honisoit, only it's a tiny bit far for regular visits.

I will look into its plants, though; I didn't know they had any.

Oh yay, there's a pastorate in my area!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Any idea how the pastorates work?

Or....... one of their churches not a million miles away. Hmmmmm.

Thank you so much for those leads. Just what I was looking for.

HTB is fab!

However, it is a big church, and its idea of 'church' includes building fairly intimate relationships as well as coming together for worship. They have developed a system of pastorates, which are groups of about 50 people, typically centred on where they live. A group of 50 is quite biblical and is a good size for getting to know people and for building relationships while,being able to find people you are comfortable with. Even if you don't want the commitment and intimacy of a home group (of say a dozen people), you can still be a full member of a pastorate.

If you want to visit HTB, be open-minded. They have many services on a Sunday, and some are 'out there'. If you are looking for formal and liturgical, go early in the morning. If you want a community church, pick one of their church plants.

Spiritual accompaniment or direction is when you meet regularly with someone who you can share stuff with, and look at building and sustaining your life spiritually. A favourite question I get from mine is "where is God in all of this" when I discuss things that are bothering me.

That sounds ideal, Hallelujah. So how can one tell if a church offers that? I could conceivably go to our diocesan cathedral - would I be able to have it there?

Spiritual accompaniment is good but in my experience you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the right person for you. I know this makes it sound like shopping around but you have to find a person whom you can relate to and who 'gets' you.

Sometimes finding a 'soul friend' from your immediate community can address some needs, but not all.

Our diocese maintains a list of spiritual directors. I went on personal recommendation, which worked out very well. Check the web page for your diocese?

The webpage for my diocese doesn't seem to have info on pastoral support.

Can anyone recommend a contact in the diocese of Southwark I might contact for guidance on this? I've been an active church member for 17 years. I'm a bit concerned about joining up to a new church in my hour of need as it were - when I've not got much to give - but I'm increasingly sure my existing church isn't the right place to look for help.

Is this any use?

www.southwark.anglican.org/spidir/

Thanks, Hallelujah, will have a read of that.

Thanks, again, Hallelujah, have now read that and will give them a ring. I think a spiritual director might also be able to help me think through which church I should seek out to attend in the long term/how to choose one. I am a bit nervous about going to one some distance away, because I think I would fail to go. (Flesh is weak, sadly.)

Hope you find what you are looking for. The right spiritual director should be able to help you work through what you need to.

This is a fantastic church in the Southwark Diocese that would defintely have the kind of help that you are looking for. It's in Battersea.

Oh yes, that looks good, Honisoit. Battersea is certainly do-able, I go there a fair bit.