I'm a Christian struggling with an unplanned pregnancy...

[3inABIRDsnest]

I have 2 small Dcs and have found we're expecting a 3rd. I'm struggling to see god's plan in all of this - I did not want another baby and we were using contraception. I'm struggling to see this baby as a gift rather than a burden, which makes me feel very guilty. I don't feel I have the strength to cope with another baby.

however you feel, the pregnancy is not unplanned to God. doesn't help much with your feelings though. don't feel guilty for feeling how you do feel either. you feel what you feel. you need time to get used to the idea. things may feel different when the news has sunk in a bit and you can work out how you are going to manage.

Hi love

I undersgatnd your situ, I have 3 and the 3rd was a definite surprise not long atall after the 2nd. I had 3 of 4 and under and had horrendous sections with them all and complications / depression.

Now they are up a littel the two youngest totally self amuse, playing with eachother 24/7 - I didnt think it was great at the time but now it couldnt be better so try to be kind to yourself, let yourself feel but know that despite your feelings, god does have a plan.

Maybe baby three is to be an important pastor or something in the future you never know

I would love to have a gift like the one you have just been given. I am a Christian and have been trying to conceive for 15 months without success.

I question whether God even exists at the moment because if he truly loved me then he would be giving me good gifts.

i have recently been through this 3inabirdsnest. i actually miscarried but i remember the total dispair i was feeling.
auntiedoris. it must just be so awful to be in your situation. God definitely does love you. keep praying. and pray for strenght to bear these tough tough days until something happens for you.

I have prayed and prayed and now I am prayed out. It doesn't seem to work and I just see other people getting the gifts I would most like to have. It's hard.

Auntiedoris, that is very sad. I thing pregnancy or lack of it is hard because it is so completely outside our control. I did everything not to get pregnant, you have done everything to get pregnant, and we are both struggling with the opposite of what we hoped for. God loves you though - whatever happens.

Noweare4 I would not feel devastated if I miscarried, which I would have done with my last 2 pregnancies. I just don't think we have the resources, in so many ways, to have another baby right now. But then I think it is so wrong to think that way, as it is a little person and it's not his/ her fault...

Oh 3inabirdsnest, I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed about this. I think my feelings would be similar to yours so I can see where you're coming from. And the only thing I would say is that you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

In my experience, we often only see God's plan with a lot of hindsight, so if you can let yourself relax on that front a bit and accept that you may not know it for some time, that might ease some of the pressure. And it might help you to pray if you're finding that hard.

The other thing I would say is that you need to ask for help. Don't feel guilty for being overwhelmed on this, it's an honest response to something huge that you thought was unlikely. Are you part of a church? Assuming it's pretty early days, are there people you are willing to tell about the pregnancy? Burdens become so much lighter if we can find people to share them with, and being pregnant with 2 small children is no picnic by anyone's standards. Take care.

AuntieDoris, I'm so sorry for your pain too. The desire for children is just so raw and visceral. Have you sought any advice from your GP? Without getting nearly so far as procedures that have ethical implications, there are often things they can do to help.

Auntiedoris - are you part of a church/fellowship? Would you be able to volunteer in children's ministry while you wait on God for your own child?
There are plenty of mothers desperate for a break and you'd get to snuggle with little ones.
You could also befriend some of the other mothers and offer your time to have a baby for a morning/ afternoon to give them a break.
It's such a huge blessing to others, and with the right attitude could be a massive blessing to you to.
I know it might sound hard, especially if you are feeling jealous of others who have been given children, but if you can release your jealousy and enjoy it you might be surprised.
I speak from experience of my own and friends.

Also, fifteen months isnt that long to wait medically or biblically. Pray for patience, God's answers are yes, no (it's not good for you) and not yet.

Agree that you need support with the feelings you have being pregnant. You don't have to be over Joyed just because other people would love to be pregnant.

Please talk this through with a close Christian friend who will not judge, your midwife and your doctor, they should all be there for you.

In a true Christian fellowship there should be full practical and financial help. I recognise we fall short of helping others, but sometimes we don't help because we don't know help is needed.

Are you part of a church family?

Good point angelswings - is there some kind of pastoral fund?

Could you speak to your elders or someone who works at the church about getting some help with specific costs?

Ps angels wings I assume, but when Ifirst read your name I thought it said angel swings

if it would be of any help I am sure my friend would be happy to talk to you. She runs a crisis pregnancy charity. She is a devoted Christian, and helps ladies work through how they are feeling about unplanned pregnancies, no matter what the perspective they come from. Unplanned doesn't always have to end up meaning unwanted.
Send me a PM if you would like me to pass her details to you.

I am on the waiting list to see the fertility specialists but that is a wait of 5 months which feels like forever. I would go for any intervention they might offer me which might increase my chance of conceiving.

Gracie I can't think of anything worse than volunteering to look after other people's children. I find it emotionally hard enough to look after my niece and nephew sometimes, even though I love them dearly.