Anyone have a 'spiritual father' or know how I should ask if 'he' would be?

[Godmum]

I'm part of a evangelical/charismatic church and neither of my parents are Christians and they have both been abusive in the past. So I don't have much to do with them generally but we are on speaking terms to keep the peace.

I rely quite a bit on my church family, they are awesome and I know that ultimately God is my heavenly father and that He loves me.

Basically, there is someone in my church family who I have felt has taken on a fatherly role in my life (neither of us have acknowledged it) but I feel I need his guidance and that God is moving me forward and working through things so I can be who God made me to be. The man is an elder, I have known him for a while but I have no idea how or if I should ask him to be my spiritual mentor/father, I guess I'm very scared of rejection?

Please help if you can, thank you and sorry if I've used any Christian pretentious language, I don't know how else to explain

I wonder whether you need to 'formalise' it in quite the way you seem to be suggesting. If he already takes an interest, is approachable and helpful, what more do you want from him? That sounds more adversarial than I want it to, but I think you could actually frighten him off by asking him - it comes across as a bit intense.

I think the relationship you describe sounds great already. Over time, he may become the man you introduce to others as 'like a father to me' - whereby you acknowledge his support, but don't put a burden of responsibility on him.

Does that make sense?

Absolutely, purpleturtletoise I wish it could be like that too but i remember him speaking about having to ask as being a spiritual father is an active role with responsibilities on both sides. I have people who are mother/father type figures but it's more about challenging and encouraging being a spiritual parent (he himself had one when he was my age) so I would need to ask him.

He will probably run a mile! or say ok and his first piece of advice would be to stop over-thinking things

Thank you for responding, I know this might be coming across a bit

Ok. That does change things. In which case, assuming you've prayed about doing it, and are expecting him to pray about his response, you just ask him. Maybe remind him of the time you heard him say that you should ask/invite somebody to take on the role.

FWIW I've spent my life in charismatic/evangelical churches and have never come across this in such a formalised way. It's always been something a bit more organic.

I have seen more formal mentoring set-ups, but they wouldn't be called 'spiritual father'. And actually, mentoring would usually (but not always) be same-sex.

I think I will spend some more time praying about it, when I know that I can trust my instinct and be fine with a yes or a no, I'll talk to him.