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Original poster

How to stay on the straight and narrow :-D

22 replies

hiddenhome · 23/10/2011 22:25

Right, I am back from retreat Grin

I have resolved to be nice and stop being judgemental, irritable, annoyed and generally fed up with others Hmm

I am not watching Jeremy Kyle any more and have deleted Lady GaGa from my ipod Shock

Any other suggestions of stuff I should do/not do would be greatly appreciated Grin

OP posts:
nailak · 23/10/2011 22:34

every time you see something that you want to judge, try and make as many excuses as you can, attempt 70, its quite a good game actually, think of a scenario, and you snd friends each think up excuses.

Also avoid repeating conversations you had with someone to someone else, in order to stay well clear of backbiting and slander.

Original poster
hiddenhome · 23/10/2011 22:43

Thank you, that is helpful Smile

It's easy to be drawn into gossiping at work Sad and ridiculing others is an easy trap to fall into as well. I am just beginning to realise how awful the JK show really is and feel ashamed for watching others being judged and laughed at just to make myself feel better Sad

OP posts:
nailak · 23/10/2011 22:54

i am not aware about your retreat, but i would say that is good that you feel bad, if it makes you sorry and want to change for the better Smile

mariamagdalena · 23/10/2011 23:29

An old tip: Every time you do (or nearly do) something wrong, immediately take a minute to repent, say sorry and ask for help to stop.

For me the main difficulties putting it into practice are to
a)remember
b)actually do it
c)mean it and let God in

A self-help programme of mending my ways etc feels easier but never works.

madhairday · 24/10/2011 14:23

Have you read any of the books on spiritual disciplines, they are a great way to keep centred and more on the path you would want. This is a good synopsis celebration of discipline

Hope it all goes well!

Original poster
hiddenhome · 24/10/2011 18:53

Thank you mariamagdalena and madhairday for your posts Smile

I have been sorely tested by ds1 today because he's been truly awful, but I didn't lose my temper.

thank you for that thread, I shall take a look.

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 25/10/2011 12:38

learn to forgive yourself.
(eg, if you do lose your temper with DS1, it's not the end of the world!)

Vibrant · 25/10/2011 12:40

What helped me the most was working on myself and my internal dialogue. When I was busy judging others, it wasn't them I was actually judging - it was myself. I learnt to cut myself some slack and as I did that I found I became accepting of others and their differences/behaviour. Nowadays when I find a button is pressed the first thing I do is look at myself as to why.

RufousBartleby · 25/10/2011 19:56

If you don't already - avoid women's magazines - they are very judgey - person is: too thin, too fat, wearing horrible clothes etc.

PrimaBallerina · 26/10/2011 12:01

Hi OP. I don't usually post on here but am interested to know why you've deleted Lady GaGa in particular?

Original poster
hiddenhome · 26/10/2011 19:37

Because the lyrics are obscene.

All the other stuff on my ipod is totally boring harmless 60s and 70s stuff Grin

Songs these days seem to be full of swearing and I'm trying to give that up.

OP posts:
PrimaBallerina · 26/10/2011 21:51

Oh I see, thanks. I've only heard her singles and I guess they're the clean version. I've got some stuff I love that I probably shouldn't but I'd find it hard to delete.

I like your thread. Watching with interest.

Original poster
hiddenhome · 28/10/2011 19:56

Oh, ta PrimaBallerina I have pmt at the moment, so am being a total rotter unfortunately Sad

OP posts:
MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 29/10/2011 00:40

Separating from my husband has turned me into a HORRIBLE person Sad. Will watch this thread with interest.

Trying2bgd · 29/10/2011 00:47

Am intrigued , what happened at your retreat? I am also trying to cut out being judgemental. So will keep an eye on this thread

Tommy · 29/10/2011 01:03

I have tried to pull myself up recently about things like this.

I have hidden certain people from my FB
I try to go to bed early (and so less tired and therefore grumpy) - I have failed on that front today Blush
Eat healthily
Don't drink too much
Don't waste too much time on MN and FB

oops Blush
You have to keep trying!!!!

Original poster
hiddenhome · 29/10/2011 13:49

The retreat was held at a Passionist Monastery and we were guided through it by two of the sisters. It was lovely and relaxing and we were given different prayers to meditate upon and three different stories from the Gospels to meditate upon.

The things that I try to keep in mind are - Don't judge others or you will be judged by the same measure and God loves us all, no matter who or what we are, so we should be loving towards each other as brothers and sisters.

All the people there were absolutely lovely and totally non judgemental. They have all kinds of people going there and they're very welcoming and you felt really cared for. This is the kind of behaviour I try to model, but usually fall far short by losing my temper.

It's nice to set up somewhere in the house with some candles and perhaps an ornament or some natural bits like leaves, stones or acorns to look at whilst you're meditating. I know it sounds a bit daft, but it really does help you to focus.

It's really nice to see that others people here are trying to be better too Smile

OP posts:
thejaffacakesareonme · 29/10/2011 18:10

Really interesting thread and it's got me thinking. I probably spend too much time on AIBU and other parts of this site reading my way through some threads that are really quite judgemental.

eaglewings · 29/10/2011 18:24

Think of something nice to say before you go into a difficult situation, a complement etc

Agree about not repeating things you have been told about someone. Even more important, don't let others tell you things they would not say about somebody if that person was in the room (or if you could see Jesus sitting there)

Be thankful frequently, list all the things / people you are thankful for

Remember that you are human, that you will fail and shout at those you love the most, what is important is that you admit you were wrong and move on

And the hardest of all for me, is see the good in those you find the hardest to like, pray to see them with Gods eyes not your own.

Let go of hurts, forgive wrongs done against so that they lose the ability to hurt you any more

What a lovely thread, love the sound of your retreat ( but too scared to do one)

Original poster
hiddenhome · 29/10/2011 20:50

Great insights everyone Smile

One thing that I find really difficult is coping with gossip. It's okay at home because I largely avoid gossiping about the neighbours and they're a fairly mundane lot anyway and don't get up to much Grin However, work is a different matter and I often have to sit in the office hearing stuff which sometimes I do allow myself to get drawn into Sad I'm as guilty as the rest of 'em, but am aware that it's not right to be doing it.

thejaffacakesareonme know what you mean about AIBU Grin

eaglewings don't be afraid of going on a retreat, they're great and the people help you through it.

OP posts:
Original poster
hiddenhome · 29/10/2011 20:51

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep Don't be so hard on yourself Sad There are ways through the hurt, but it takes time and you need to treat yourself gently.

OP posts:
sarahtigh · 29/10/2011 21:36

regarding gossip an old saying my mother drummed into me

firstly is it true?, secondly if it is true is it kind,? thirdly if it is not kind is it necessary?

I find this useful but extremely hard to put into practice

how do we think OP should deal with hearing stuff in her office which she would rather not hear but is unlikely to be in a position to either vacate room or tell them to stop?

being judgmental is easy being discerning is much harder, because there are people you can legimately decide are not suitable as friends or DC friends or for relying on but without being judgey or anti-social or looking down on them

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