anyone up for a discussion on forgiveness?

[Podmog]

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Pray

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Are you CofE? In the absolution our vicar always adds to 'who forgives all who truly repent' 'and are themselves forgiving'. I'm very glad he does because it's one of my typical sins, if you like, to be judgemental of others and get (innerly more than outwardly) het up over little things. It sounds like you have forgiven and done your best to resolve the situation, but you have not been forgiven by this person, which is her 'sin', I suppose, but not something you can carry. There is in fact nothing you can do other than move on. Be your usual self, deal with rumours calmly and factually, and I am sure you will win respect. If things are made impossible for you you may have to withdraw for a while.How would that affect you?

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tbh it sounds like she may be protesting too much about having forgiven. Either she is holding a grudge or there is some fundamental personality clash or problem she has with you which goes far beyond the original incident. Both these things are things only she can address and change.
Are there people in the church who see your 'side' (excuse the expression) of things, is your work valued and welcomed?

difficult to discuss without knowing what you did

but if she says she has forgiven you and your attempts at rekindling a relationship have failed might it just be that she does not wish to be friends

if she has forgiven you is there a way for her to announce this to your church

ps I am not a christian .. I do not know if that discounts me from this particular discussion or not

Agree with twiglett..it's rather cryptic without the details.
Also agree with the point re forgiving but not wanting to be friends anymore.
I have acouple of people I have forgiven for things in my life but I don't want to fraternise with them anymore.

Has your minister not been able to be of more help???

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Yes Pruni. This is my situation.

What was your relationship like before the incident?

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I was expecting something deeper and darker than this I wonder whether you have been behaving too defensively since the text incident? I would be inclined to hold my head up and say yes, I did it, I'm sorry it hurt you but it was my opinion. Obviously the group working situation was too intense and too much for your friendship, your working styles not compatible. It would be a shame if you lost your church community over this and I think the way forward is to live and let live, be pleasant but stop 'trying', and hope she eventually takes your cue.

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turn the other cheek

continue to be you and do what you enjoy doing

you have apologised, had it accepted and been forgiven

stop trying to be friends with her

if it's all about what jesus would do, let it go, don't hold any of these negative thoughts, get on with your life and she will come back to you if need be. Just be with your soul.

Young years do not automatically = immatuity but she sounds naive and immature.
My feeling is this situation is not something you need actively engage with any more. Be nice to her but don't analyse your relationship and accept the dynamics have changed.

I would guess that whilst she has "forgiven" you, she lives with the knowledge of your opinion of her (or so she might think).

It might be that you see the offence as being you (accidentally) gave her your opinion, whilst she sees the offence as having been judged at all in the first place.

What are your relative positions in respect of the group at present? Could you attend and submit yourself to her leadership for a while? I would look for some way that you can show preference for her, and respect her without necessariliy pursuing friendship at this stage.

to forgive means that you have judged .....

I never forgive people because that means that i have been judgemental towards them, and who am i to say that i was right, or they were wrong.

You should talk openly and LISTEN to others.

We have Two ears and one mouth, i try to use them in that ratio.

It helps me knowing that we are all made differently, others are allowed to express there thoughts and so am i , but i try not to be destructive, instead constructive..... xXx

POdmog - I think this is about a power struggle rather than forgiveness. She is power-mongering, and doesn't want to be undermined by you, so she is freezing you out.

I think you should stop apologising and acting as if you are the guilty party, tough it out, and if you feel strong and confident that what you have to offer is what the group members want, then serve their agenda, not hers!

(another non-chritian, who does nevertheless have a strong regard for the importance and power of firgiveness!)