Dual religion for children - is it possible?

[Bumbled]

Has anyone tried to bring their children up with 2 faiths? DH is Jewish and I'm C of E and finding it quite hard to imagine how I'm going to strike the balance. This hasn't been helped by people laughing at me when I've said I'm going to try to teach them both and let them choose....

They're too young at the moment for it to be an issue, but would be really interested to hear if it's worked for anyone else, and if so - how did you do it?!

Incidently I've been learning all about Judaism but don't really want to convert, currently...

snap, were the same but celebrate both ..they dont seem to mind and enjoy it..we do shabat candles etc on fri for example every week and they go to religion school at synagogue but we also do christmas , easter, etc and talk about all faiths not just ours...

TBH I don't think that it's possible. Not if you want your children to have a genuine faith. Most faiths are ultimately incompatible - even if they may have many similarities.

why did they laugh?

I'm doing the same with my kids, except dp is hindu, and we follow that more closely. I still feel I should teach them about christianity as a part of their heritage regardlss of my beliefs, and I want them to choose when they are older. Hinduism is pretty compatible with anything, but restrictions in christianity throws soem interesting perceptions on hinduism, so that is a bit awkward. However they don't have to deal with that yet. At the moment they are still young and so learn the basics of both.

I think they laughed because so many people try to do this and fail. I suppose the problem is that inherently the contradictions between the religions can undermine them and therefore make faith in general harder to have.

How do I tell them that Daddy believes that Jesus is 'only' a disciple whereas Mummy thinks that he's the son of God for instance? (Actually I'm not even sure that I do believe that, but that's a whole other conversation!)

Thanks so much for your responses though, I'm really concerned about this. Feel that there is so much responsibility to continue the Jewish faith after all they've been through. I hate the thought of waltzing in and diverting future generations away from their heritage and background IYSWIM.... That said, I really love going to church and celebrating the religion I found so important as a child

I try to play down differences really. my belief is that we should all do as we see fit, so at the end of the day differences are irrelevant. I hope I succeed in my children a respect for both sides and they can believe in what they want. How old are your los bumble?

my dd is 5 and already has a firm idea that some people have one god where as others have lots of Gods and for now she accepts that and doesn't ask why. I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes.

btw, should add that dd worked that one out for herself. She observes differences and accepts them.

ooh that is a good idea. I suppose I've been so worried about the differences and how to explain them I never stopped to think about the fact you could explain all the positive aspects of both religions....

They're tiny, 2 and 10 months, but religion has become a lot more important to me recently (since they've arrived) and so I've been wondering how to work the dual faith thing - hence all the research on Judaism in preparation.

I'd like to start having family traditions that are relevant to both sides

I know it's really wet but I hate the thought of them being teased for being circumcised in school, so really want to teach them all the wonderful reasons for being Jewish. I really remember how proud DH was of his faith and would love to instill that in them (alongside him of course, it's just that I'm around more ). That said, I do worry about the conflicts of the beliefs and whether that will undermine the credibility of both....

Bumbled, if you're not Jewish, then your children won't be, as Judaism is passed through the mother. That said, nothing to stop you teaching them about both faiths!

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I don't suppose any two faiths are completely compatible as such, and your children will make their own minds up eventually. If you don't have strong feelings either way then all you can do is teach them and let them make their own decisions. I guess you can bring them up dual religioned, but eventually they will choose one over the other.

dd at them moment is leaning more towards hinduism, probably because of more exposure to that in the home and visits to the mandir etc. I am quite pleased about that but I won't be bothered if she does swing back towards christianity as she grows up. We all make our own minds up at the end of the day.

I think it is great that you are making the effort to give your children the choices and learning early on.

Actually Tanzie the Rabbi we consulted before moving out from London said that the boys could go through a kind of confirmation service when they were about 10 or 11 and would therefore be Jewish even if I'm not.

That is of course if they wanted to be of course.

Do you think that there would be a feeling that they weren't somehow 'proper jews' because of me? Am I being optomistic to think that they can consider themselves Jewish?

There are three main groups of Jewish practice: Orthodox, Conservative and Reform/Liberal - and that's putting it very broadly. Orthodox and Conservative stick to the traditional attitude that religion passes through the mother, but the Reform/Liberal movement considers the upbringing of the child of more relevance, as long as they have at least one Jewish parent. Have you by any chance been talking to Rabbi Jonathan Romain of Maidenhead Reform Synagogue? He is probably one ofthe best people in the UK to consult over this matter. We've spoken to him many times!

This is an excellent book.

My gut feeling - and I'm in a similar situation to you, except I'm Jewish and dh is not - is that, unless they are involved with a Reform community, they will not feel Jewish. Also you will be made far more welcome and valued as an individual by a Reform community than by a more traditional community.

DH is Muslim and I am Christian, although neither of us are really that strong in our beliefs at present. DS is technically Muslim as the religion is passed down through the father but we tend to put more emphasis on the Christian festivels. I feel this will more than likely change as we are in the process of moving out to Egypt and my husbands family are devout Muslims. I really don't mind as the main principles are the same, but I do want him to be aware of the Christian beliefs.

Isn't faith all about believing the teachings wholeheartedly of that particular faith?? And believing that your religion is the only truth.... hence the word faith??

I don't follow any faith.... but IMHO would still see this as a bit hypocritical to pick and choose bits of 2 faiths to follow.

In my view, faith is about belief, not about following a particlular set of rules. Consider all the conflictions within any one faith. For example, you can call yourself christian and follow any of a multitude of forms. You can be hindu and worship certain gods over others and form rituals in certian ways. So why be restricted to the rules and boundaries of one partuicular religion over another. Look at the similarities between certain religions and you can see claer overlaps, so why put fences between them if you don't want to? I believe that faith is about believing in what you do wholeheartedly and I don't see why that had to be restricted to one set of rules.

Pretty Candles, I'd say more Liberal than Reform. Some Reform can still be a bit "sticky" over this.

Bumbled - have you read Julia Neuberger's book "On Being Jewish"? Excellent read. On whether your children would be considered "properly Jewish" - yes, by a Liberal congregation, no by anything more traditional, which might cause problems re schooling/marriage when they are older.

Pretty Candles - agree re Jonathan Romain!

My dp is Jewish but I am not. I was brought up nominally C of E but would not now regard myself as a Christian. Our dd is 4 and we didn't really begin to sort out the question until this year. What brought it to a head, was a visit to A&E, when we were asked about religion!

We have since joined a Liberal Synagogue and I feel very happy there. Everyone is very welcoming and I was even asked whether I felt comfortable there. Our daughter started religion school in September. This was because I felt that although we observed some festival at home, we were isolated as my dp's family are getting on and are no longer very observant. I feel that by doing this. my dd will have some knowledge of Judaism. I also felt that as the grand-daughter of a holocaust survivor, I want her to understand her heritage. It would have worried me if she had heard about the holocaust at some point in the future and not had a proper awareness of the connection.

Having said all this, I realise that although Liberal Jews would regard her as Jewish, she is certainly not Jewish in the eyes of mainstream Judaism. However I feel that if this was an issue in the future, she could make the decision to convert. I think that this has been made easier by my lack of religion, however I can see how you could show children from an early age that their parents had two different faiths, simply by taking them along to the relevant places of worship and explaining the differences as and when questions came up.