Losing Faith

[essbee]

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Yes, I have lost my faith but still feel sad about it from time to time and think about resurrecting it. A Christian would say it was God still holding his arms out for me, but I guess I am not allowed to believe that anymore! I suppose it is just that religion is very comforting and takes a lot of responsibility and decision-making away from you, so when you lose that, you feel vulnerable and perhaps a bit scared and "on your own".

Does that makes sense to you?

I think it's natural to feel sad, just the same as you'd feel sad if anything else you rely on dissapears. You feel kind of unrooted, I think.

I lost my faith at the age of about 17 (it coincided with a period of mild depression - not sure if one caused the other or not). For a while I half heartedly filled the gap with all sorts of "new age" type nonsense and wrote poetry and stuff, but am now a resolute humanist (and stopped writing poetry).

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Just to have the safety blanket back! Or is it because it is real????? Who knows???

I used to know a priest who said you should carry on with religious observance (well I was catholic so he actually said going to Mass every Sunday) even when it meant nothing to you so that you remained open to God and one day it would all come back to you again. Sometimes I think if I go to Mass for a few weeks, I will suddenly get a blinding revelation that God exists and everything will be fine from then on. Sometimes, I think, who cares if it is real or not? Being a Christian made me a better person regardless, so I should keep up the appearance of it.

Intellectually though, I think it is all nonsense.

Well I certainly needed something to replace it.

info about humanism here if it helps

bishop michael ramsay, when he was archbishop of Canterbury [in the 80's] called himself a 'Christian Agnostic' far from being wishy washy i think this is just accepting that there is so much that is uncertain and 'in the dark' about Faith. It can come and go, it can go completely. For him it was living with that uncertainty but still following Christ's teachings. I think i feel the same way as him, and it helped me to read what he had said. I suppose you might feel sad because perhaps before you felt God's love and now you feel that was an illusion. Can you leave your mind open to the possibility that it might return, or that it was not illusory? I just mean there is so much out there that we don't understand, anything is possible. I don't mean to over simplify things, just to raise the possibilty of keeping an open mind. I think that is the way Faith can persist.

don't quite know which bit you think intellectually is nonsense LonelyMum, but i guess we could be here all night discussing that one! I'm not a big believer of blinding revelations though, rather small, subtle hints.

Aww don't take offence at my disbelief! Just, my mind says it is nonsense and my heart says it is lovely nonsense. Once I was as ardent a believer as you could wish for, now I am not. It was not a conscious decision. It seemed like a intellectual realisation.

I would be happy to discuss this all night with you. I am not sure I will ever stop searching for Faith, even if I can call it nonsense at the same time.

I liked what you said about Ramsey saying he lived with the uncertainty and still followed Christ's teachings. I try to do the latter certainly.

no, no, lonelymum, i don't take offence! i have had long periods of loss of faith myself. I have found a way of having an 'even keel' within myself, I think, tho i can;t guarantee the future, by reconciling all my uncertainties and fears with my own understanding of God and Christ. It seems to me that it is often the most ardent [often evangelical but i don't know your circumstances' ] believers who lose their faith. I think it is because, again this is not directed at you, often things like the alpha course de-intellectualize the bible and Christ's teachings, and take away the complexities and uncertainties within it, which i think takes away the real spirituality, as real spirituality cannot be separated from acknowledging true self. For example i met an evangelical vicar's son who had been repeatedly 'exorcised' as a teenager by his father and his parish, and it had damaged him beyond belief, and of course destroyed his faith. This kind of christianity shuts out certain parts of our humanity, and therefore cannot really last without burying its head in the sand. Anyway. I'm rambling now as i'm slightly distracted by my ds who should be in bed by now! Hope you get the gist!