So conflicted over churches...

[Jix]

I stopped going to my church about 2 years ago, because I just felt so out of the loop there. Even though everyone was very friendly, the children's groups were great, the preaching was excellent... I felt out of place because I hated the fact that they were essentially anti-gay. I know this is a big debate that is a problem for the CoE across the board, but it just made me feel like a fly in the ointment. I didn't belong there. I remember talking to the vicar and he just said a bit sadly, that maybe I should try somewhere else.
The problem has been that I haven't managed to find anywhere else. There is a liberal church quite close to where we live, but it's also catholic in style, and very formal with lots of incense. Not really much to speak of in the way of children's groups at all. Rather dark and depressing for me. But theologically it was like coming home. I talked to the vicar afterwards and all the things he said.. it felt like bright beautiful water washing over, after years of being in the desert. He said he felt that God loved all of us equally and that we were all made to be as we are.
There's also another church in the area, which I think is quite similar to the one I left. Bright and full of energy, but I suspect with a similar outlook on life. It has a partnership with Trinity College in bristol and they're all very strict and evangelical there.
Or there's another one, that's joint methodist that's ok and I've been there a few times.
I've got to decide where to go for Easter tomorrow and I feel so conflicted. I can't bear to go back to my own church... stopping going there was so painful.. like ending a relationship.
The liberal one might be good for me, but not for my children.
The one that 's similar.. won't I just be repeating the same pattern? Or maybe it's a good half way house? I'll be more forewarned and so won't get so involved, and at the same time it will be good for the kids?
No point going to a flat struggling church for any of us, as I am flat and struggling myself.
Ugh. Sorry .. have used this mainly to let off steam .. will understand if no one even gets to the end of this self-pitying rant.

I would start by enjoying Easter at whichever church you find most comfortable, and then after that start planning what you want to do.

If it were me, I'd try speaking to the liberal catholic church and see if they have any plans in the way of improving things for children. The one that is similar - there's no guarantee they'd be anti-gay, but again you could try asking the question before committing - you'd have to be prepared for any answer you get though... If you're happy with Methodist style of worship, then I would also consider going there.

Don't worry about the rant, don't think its at all self-pitying, you're just trying to worship God in a way that suits you AND your family. :)

Why don't you see tomorrow as a special occasion, and enjoy celebrating Easter with your dc at a church which they will enjoy, and then see the findingof a church home as a separate, and longer term thing?

IME churches that seem to be a bit lacking in Sunday school are often that way because there aren't any kids there. And the there aren't any kids there, because there's no SUnday schhol - etc etc etc....so it might be that by being part of the lib cath church you can offer something that will enable other young families to be part of that congregation. So as Mary says, it's worth talking it with them.

All the best!

Thanks guys ... I'm not sure what I'll do .. I've already spent a couple of years searching and these seem the best possibilities. If I put my children first then I guess I'd go for the one which would seem most familiar to them. But I'm worried I'd be investing time and energy in a place where I'd once again never feel fully part of the scene. Maybe you're right that I can get used to such a different style of worship and build up the children's stuff from within.. But tbh at the moment I don't have the enthusiasm or the energy.. Ho hum.

Well it seems to me you need to go in with an open mind, and not to seek for too much too soon. You don't need to think of worship in terms of investing time and energy, but perhaps just something you'd like to do for God?

Let us know how you get on anyhow... praying that you have a joyous Easter!

I would stick with the church that gives you the warm feeling for several months, at least.

No church is perfect.

Well I followed your advice HelleluiaScot, Clockface and MaryBS and went with my heart AND an open mind AND with the resolve to enjoy this Easter Sunday and do you know what? It all worked out brilliantly! Thank you all!
We went to the liberal high church one, and in fact it was much more lively than I'd imagined it would be, and the new vicar has arrived who gave a really good sermon. Unfortunately the next "family" service is going to be Harvest Festival (!) but they did say they want to get more family stuff going. I've left my details, and went away feeling really positive and encouraged.
Thank you again.. it really did help me follow my convictions and give that church another go with my family. Please think of me if you can, as I try to get the children interested in going to church again -- they're 7 and 10 years old and have a dad who's a confirmed atheist at home lounging around in front of the TV.. it's stiff competition!
But for me personally it does feel like a really positive new start. Thanks for all your support.
Happy Easter!!!!

Glad things went well, Jix, and long may it last.

Churches are at their most enthusiastic on Easter Sunday, so that might explain your observations. It is great that you have a super new vicar, and hopefully they will have a rethink about children's work.

What kind of midweek and children's ministries do they have?

Thats really good to hear :). And glad you had a wonderful Easter Day! :)

When I started going to our church, there was no provision for children, and over the past few years that has changed dramatically, with at one stage 20 children in Sunday school (about as many as they could cope with!). Some of those have now moved up to youth group, and we have both a junior AND youth choir as well :)

We are trying to get children into our traditional choir. We used to have children joining the choir, but when we split our congregation into a more traditional and more modern one, the children went with the modern congregation leaving the choir in the traditional one. We have special invites at Christmas and Easter which are generating interest. Our Cathedral has regular workshops which are popular.

I think that is always the problem with a split congregation. Our church tries to maintain a tricky balance between traditional and modern, and children get exposure to both.