I stopped going to my church about 2 years ago, because I just felt so out of the loop there. Even though everyone was very friendly, the children's groups were great, the preaching was excellent... I felt out of place because I hated the fact that they were essentially anti-gay. I know this is a big debate that is a problem for the CoE across the board, but it just made me feel like a fly in the ointment. I didn't belong there. I remember talking to the vicar and he just said a bit sadly, that maybe I should try somewhere else.
The problem has been that I haven't managed to find anywhere else. There is a liberal church quite close to where we live, but it's also catholic in style, and very formal with lots of incense. Not really much to speak of in the way of children's groups at all. Rather dark and depressing for me. But theologically it was like coming home. I talked to the vicar afterwards and all the things he said.. it felt like bright beautiful water washing over, after years of being in the desert. He said he felt that God loved all of us equally and that we were all made to be as we are.
There's also another church in the area, which I think is quite similar to the one I left. Bright and full of energy, but I suspect with a similar outlook on life. It has a partnership with Trinity College in bristol and they're all very strict and evangelical there.
Or there's another one, that's joint methodist that's ok and I've been there a few times.
I've got to decide where to go for Easter tomorrow and I feel so conflicted. I can't bear to go back to my own church... stopping going there was so painful.. like ending a relationship.
The liberal one might be good for me, but not for my children.
The one that 's similar.. won't I just be repeating the same pattern? Or maybe it's a good half way house? I'll be more forewarned and so won't get so involved, and at the same time it will be good for the kids?
No point going to a flat struggling church for any of us, as I am flat and struggling myself.
Ugh. Sorry .. have used this mainly to let off steam .. will understand if no one even gets to the end of this self-pitying rant.