If you had a fraught childhood does adult life seem dull?

[Skifit]

I worry for my 2 older children who are now grown up. As children they lived with me and after leaving their Dad at the ages of 3 and 5 yrs ended up in 2 awful relationships. One with a violent/controlling man and the next one who was mentally and then finally physically abusive. I fell so guilty for what i put them through but tried so hard to be the loving caring parent they needed. I am constantly there for them now and let them know love them and want to hel in any way I can.
My older DS (22yrs) in particular finds his life dull, and depressing. He has a job, lives with his girlfriend and he is fit and well. He says he expects life to be better than this and is thinking of getting a commission in the army and going to Sandhurst. He is always broke but smokes and drinks every day.

My DD (20yrs) finds life dull too and wanst for more. She hates her nurse training and wants to leave. She spends money like there is no tomorrow and gets totally plastered most weekends.
I know with young people its not unusual to be always wanting for more. More wealth, more happiness etc.
Do you think this is because their childhood was somewhat of a trauma and rather stressful that things seem so dull.

Please dont be harsh on me mnetters, I really need support about this, not any flamings and criticism.
Thanks in anticipation.. . . .

I had a fraught childhood, acted out through most of my twenties. I have now learnt to live my life without creating as much drama.

If they are unhappy with their chosen professions then they should change direction,or maybe adopt Buddhism?

Seeking direction is commen to many young adults and teenagers, lots of love should help

Perhaps they are experiencing depression as a result of having a fraught childhood. One of the main effects that I've felt, having had something similar on and off throughout my adult life, is that life seems very dull but I can't work out what I need to do to make things change.

Hallo
First thing I would remove from your daily breath and your immediate mind is this

To doubt the amount of enjoyment life and its opportunites is to be dead before you are even alive

You can only change these things in yourself first and lead by example to your son and daughter. Show them unconditional love, kindness. Show them that life is full of fun, that fraught and drama is an illusion that holds us back. They sound more stuck in a rut than tramatised. It is so very hard to find the key to unlock, more often than not, unlocking your own key is the start of this journey. Recognising to yourself and to them that yes Life when they were children was difficult. But Now life is stable. Own the Past and take control of Now and the Future.

I only hope to inspire you to change your mind, for thoughts will hold back anyone regardless of how good or bad their childhood was.

:)

That's strange because I had an extremely fraught/abusive childhood and I'm just relieved to be having a quiet life now

I don't know how nurse training can be boring, you don't have time to get bored.

I had a disrupted childhood and struggled to cope with early adult life because I expected it to be the same.

I was in control but felt I had to create drama because that's how life is.

In my 30s I realised it isn't and learned to accept steady, mundane ordinary-ness.

Now in my 40s I've made it. It might be dull, but it's mine and it's brilliant.

My childhood was less than stable but the effects of it never really hot me hard til adulthood and still bother me to the point where I'm in therapy.

I don't think your son is bored, I think he needs help to come to terms with his past.

"That's strange because I had an extremely fraught/abusive childhood and I'm just relieved to be having a quiet life now".

I feel like this too to a large extent. The only area of my life I'm not satisfied with is a career, although I'm planning to take a few years out now I'm pregnant and then retrain. Otherwise I'm really enjoying my fairly quiet life in the burbs after a completely crap 'Jeremy Kyle' childhood. But I've met alot of people in the 20s from all kinds of backgrounds who are disappointed with their lives. I think alot of it has to do with expectations. Advertising and the media put across a completely unrealistic idea of 'normal' (perfect body image, amazing houses with flawless interiors, designer gear as standard etc etc) and encourage ordinary people to measure their lifestyles against those of celebs. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but maybe some time volunteering here or in a developing country would help. When I volunteered with the homeless/people with mental disabilities I met so many people who longed for a 'boring' wife'n' two kids suburban life.

Maybe they could become volunteers and help others who are going through what they did. Then what happened to them will not seem as an injustice, it will be a way to help others and in a way heal themselves.

Or volunteer overseas and maybe meet others who are going through hardship and helping them in some way.