dh wants our child baptised, I hate the priest!

[Chloe55]

I'd best give you some background:

I am a not a religious person and have never been brought up in any type of religion. DH is a catholic, his parents are devout catholic and go to church every Sunday and sometimes during the week. DH does not practise catholisism but his parents think he does.

I married in a catholic church but we did not have a catholic service as none of my family are catholic but for me to have not married in church would have been gutting for the in-laws (and also DH). But, on the lead up to the wedding both DH and I were required to attend a saturday with a few other couples to discuss marriage in the catholic faith. I agreed to this but the day that the priest suggested was very inconvenient with me as I was, at the time, working in a disability care home which was already understaffed and it would have been inappropriate for me to take the time off work. I rang the church and left a message on the answer phone asking if we could go on a different day (there were other sessions available). The priest rang DH at 10pm one night and was very rude with him saying that we were selfish and the people who ran the course were doing this out of their own goodwill and that if we could not go we could not marry at that church!

DH was very upset and I was raging, I wanted to ring the priest and give him a piece of my mind but DH pleaded with me not to knowing that we wouldn't be allowed to marry there if I did. I reluctantly took time off and attended the pointless meeting. As it turns out the priest wasn't available for our wedding (conveniently) and so another priest stepped forward and married us still at the same church, this nice priest has since left.

Now, my problem is that my baby is due in Feb and MIL is already talking baptism etc. I am not against my child getting baptised although I have told DH that at no point will religion be pushed on my child when he is old enough to make his own choices. But, we haven't been back to church since getting married and I know the priest will kick up a fuss and tbh I certainly don't want him going near my baby as he is such an arse! MIL is unaware of all our problems, as like I say, she still thinks DH goes to church regularly!

Sorry, didn't realise this would be so long. Please help, what do I do without upsetting anyone in the process?

Can you have the baptism at a different church?

I had a similiar situation - except i refused the church wedding. mil was dropping all sorts of hints about baptisms etc. i just refused which sounds harsh but unless you want to follow this up with religious education, holy communion, confirmation etc you should just nip it in the bud and say you are not doing that and have one upset now instead of lots more in the future. they will get over it and this is your baby.

I could have it at a different town but they are quite close knit so know each other.

It is not really that I have a problem with the religion. I don't believe in anything to do with God so as far as I'm concerned if they have such a strong believe then I will willingly go along with what makes them happy. DH would also be very upset if I said no to a baptism but I have already warned him that unless he finds a different priest then it isn't going to happen.

I do see where you are coming from Pesme. Part of me feels like you do but once my child can make up his own mind then I will not stand in his way. I have told DH that when the time comes and he asks me about God I will tell him what I believe, poor lad is gonna be soooo confused!

Pesme - You sound exactly like me! DH's family are Catholic. I'm not religious at all. We married in a Registry Office and I have refused to have the children christened. PIL keep asking when its going to happen, I keep telling them it'll happen when the kids are old enough to decide. It's not sinking in, but I won't budge! My children won't be raised as Catholics so I won't have them baptised. End of.

Its an awkward situation Chloe55.

You see I asked DH what a baptism was and the difference between that and confirmation and he explained that the parent can choose if they would like their child to follow the Catholic way from when they are baptised but that confirmation just 'confirms' the child is happy with this decision when they are old enough to decided themselves at about 10/11 yrs old, does that sound about right?

Why does your dh want your child baptised in the Catholic faith if you and he have no intention of bringing him/her up as a Catholic?

Chloe55 - No I don't think that it right. During the baptism you have to promise to raise the child in the Catholic faith!
I just couldn't promise that as I don't follow a religion and think Catholiscism is especially strict!

DH does intend on bringing him up catholic, he wants his child to believe in his views on God/Bible etc etc. DH does pray from time to time and will attend church when he feels he 'needs' to. I have said if he wants to bring the child up catholic then I will allow him this option but that I will not be involving myself in church trips etc etc as that would be hypicritical of me. Is this really wrong? Am I going to confuse everything? The more I have written, the more I think this isn't going to work, oh no.

Oops, some words missing from that post!

Raise the child in the Catholic faith!

It's hard to know what to suggest if you are adamant that the priest is not to go anywhere near your baby. If dh wants the baby baptised then there is no alternative but for the priest to do it or change parishes - I would swallow your pride and go and see the priest to discuss the way forward. As it is your dh that is the Catholic then he should be leading the way on this anyway - you will not really play much a part in the ceremony as you will not be able to make the necessary vows and promises.

I think I have to agree with you Roobie. I'm not gonna get funny about it and will say to DH that if it his decision to get our child baptised then he will have to organise it - that way he can decide whether to face the wrath of a priest who will go out of his way to be shitty with us or change parishes - he's not very confrontational so I know what he'll opt for. I think I will admit to PIL all the fuss created over the wedding and then hopefully they will see the reason I am not friendly with that particular priest and that DH will have to change parish. They are reasonable people and although, at first, were traumatised about my non-believing they also respect my opinion. Thanks guys.