jumping through hoops to get a child christened?

[mommie]

i mentioned to my local vicar that i wanted our one yr old christened. he sent me a pack of stuff saying i should be a regular church attender, and i have been for the last 3 months. then we were invited to 'baptism classes' and i went last week. he said some parents should go on the alpha course, others would be better with a thanksgiving service rather than a baptism etc and could he see parents (there were 3 of us) individually to establish our faith. he wouldn't put any dates in the diary re christenings. Is this normal?

this is liek the " church schools my god they make them say prayers" type of thread
parp

But if the godparents are supposed to promise to bring the child up in the Christian faith, should some people not be godparents? And I don't mean non-Christians here because to me it is obvious they shouldn't take on a godparent's role. I am thinking of Christian people who have moved about during their lives and now no longer live near the friends who asked them to be godparents to their children (I am thinking of me in other words!) I have a godson I see about once a year. I send him birthday and Christmas presents and I would send presents with a religious theme if I could find any appropriate to his age, but I don't do anything else towards his welfare, let alone his Christian upbringing. If his parents died, I wouldn't expect to have to look after him as there is a wider family. Frankly, I wouldn't take on such a commitment if I thought I would have to adopt anybody's child (my own are enough!) Just how does that tie in with what the godparents vow to do for the child being christened?

Sorry last sentence is very sloppy. Meant to say, how can I keep the vows made at my godson's christening given that I no longer live near him, let alone in the same parish? (And anyway, he is C of E and I am RC so I wouldn't be raising him in the right church anyway.

taking on the role of Godparent does not automatically mean you may have to adopt in times of trouble! it is more a sense of how far you are prepared to accept the role of guide and mentor, but of course it means different things to different people.
But you are right lonelymum - some people shpuld not be godparents. Besides the church requires that prospective godparents should at the very least have been baptised themselves.
But you sound like a very nice one to me!

Hm not very. I would seriously consider long and hard before becoming a godparent again. Not that it is arduous, but I don't feel I can give to other children than my own.

The thing is the CofE is the established church. That means it has a legal, as well as a moral, duty to welcome all comers. If your vicar doesn't like that, tough, he should go off and form his own sect.

Tbh I think there are cultural reasons for wanting your child christened and those are perfectly legitimate. The CofE is embedded in and has shaped our culture for 400 years and more.

absolutely edam. I couldn't agree more.
while the CofE is still the established church in this country then the clergy should remember that they are in a privileged position, with a responsibility to their communities. (to be fair, most CofE clergy in my experience do have a strong sense of community and do a good job.) This kind of behaviour (saying you "should" go on an alpha course for example, and making intrusive enquiries about faith) would be perfectly acceptable for any other church, but not the CofE.
otherwise, when they give up their wholly anachronistic power and influence (especially those discriminatory and state-funded faith schools) and stand in equivalence to every other church in this country, and then they can make whatever rules they like.
sorry >parp< or what....

i think anyone who has gone on an Alpha Course should not be allowed to have their children christened. . No actually, they have a right to have their children christened too, because as some have said here, it is about the child, not the parents. my dad is a priest, and though he has got a bit fatigued over the years of people turning up to have their children christened and then never seeing them again, he would certainly never deny them that right. I think the problem is the church has got christianity so misrepresented, and has got so caught up in its self and driven its self so far from a spiritual centre that it needs to address that before demanding people attend services. about which they feel nothing. The Alpha Course is the very nemesis of true Christian Spirituality in my opinion.

mommie, have you checked out what the thanksgiving service would be like? it might be just what you want, and i personally think it's nice that the vicar offers this. went to my nephew's christening this w/e and was struck again by the enormity of the vows that the godparents were taking. we had a baby blessing in maidenhead synagogue and it was lovely, i felt it had everything that i would have liked in a baptism if i'd married a christian. also because it wasn't a christening we weren't expected to organise a big party - in judaism the big party seems to be more at the circumcision but we didn't have a party then either

This is all very interesting.We attend the same church that generations of our family attended,but the current vicar will not baptise my dd's or my cousins dd.The reason he gives is that he will not baptise any child unless both parents are confirmed.DH is,I'm not.The vicar of the church I used to attend & still go to sometimes,says that he will baptise the dd's at our 'family' church if our vicar gives permission and the churchwardens have said that they will put a bit of pressure on the vicar if I really want him to baptise them.It's nice of people to try & help,but I don't want the vicar to baptise them begrudgingly-it doesn't seem right.

DH says that if I'm that worried I should be confirmed & that would be the end of it,but I am of the opinion that it shouldn't matter whether I'm confirmed or not,what I've done or not done bears no reflection on my children & their beliefs.

The vicar is very unpopular & a lot of people have stopped attending church altogether because of his odd attitude,most of my friends have had their children baptised at neighbouring churches instead,so his congregation is dwindling fast.

Luckily he retires next year.I hope we get someone a little more understanding next.

not surprised he is unpopular mirage - as you say, it should be about the child, not you, and it does seem as if he is on a bit of an ego trip. To me at least. i would maybe wait till he retires next year?

Mirage, that seems very wrong to me. Dh and I are both confirmed, but dh does not believe in God any more (I think he just did it to please his mum at the time). He is happy for our children to be brought up in the church and for them to be baptised , but does not feel comfortable with standing up and affirming his faith when he does not believe.

According to your vicar then, we could get ds baptised at your church if dh was prepared to be a hypocrite! As it is, ds will be baptised at my church, with just myself in attendance (dh is in charge of the food afterwards!). We are inviting the congregation back to our house for a buffet to welcome him into the church community - dh is happy with that.

hypocrisy within the church? Never!

quick update - we now have a date! no discussion abt my faith. nothing. i spoke to the church and mentioned that my parents are elderly (true) and i wanted them to be at the christening (true) and we were just given a date. am delighted.

"I would guess that as the Alpha course was mentioned this is a rather evangelical church."

LOL - we did an alpha course years ago with the local CoE church (we were methodists back then) and they were BOTH the most "un"evangelical churches I've ever been too - congregation at the Methodists - about 20 (average age about 84), congregation at the Anglican about 35 - average age about 60