Any Jews out there?

[Kendodd]

Hi, I wanted some advice.

My DH's dad was born Jewish, married a Christian (English, church once a year sort) and now has no religion as such. Celebrates Christmas, eats pork etc. He is now in his seventies and has lived just about all his adult life like this. DH was not raised Jewish in any way. DH's dad had one brother and this side of the family are 'proper' Jews. We don't really see them ever though, no falling out or anything just don't live close and have not been close.

Anyway I would quite like our three DCs age 5,3 and 2 to know a bit of their Jewish heritage. Although I don't want to become Jewish (their choice if they want to when they are older) I would like to celebrate/acknowledge Jewish holidays food etc. I don't know any Jews locally and don't know how to go about this.

I'm not Jewish, or have any Jewish blood, English Christian, like DH's mum.

Any advice?

What does DH say - is he ok with this? By the way the religion passes through the maternal line so if DH's dad is Jewish then the DC's aren't going to be considered Jewish (I think.... )

Here are some suggestions:
look at BBC website for basic info:
www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/judaism/
Good summary on the basics
www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/Homework/religion/jewish.htm

Contact your local synagogue? A Reform synagogue may be useful.

Read anything by Rabbi Lionel Blue - as everything he writes is full of wisdom, wit and humour. I read his autobiography and found it really interesting. He writes how even if you're not Jewish - spend time on Friday night as a family and welcome friends for supper.

BTW these are just the thoughts of a non-Jew so I'm sure you'll get some better answers from someone in the know and after Shabbat.
WW.

Oh of course, why did I post on a Friday

I recommend Aish.com and Chabad.org. They both have great sections on food and holidays with step-by-step details and activities for kids. They also have great history section and Chabad.org has an event calendar to help find public events during holidays. They also have great history sections.

Thanks I will look them up. The sun is down so others may be about now?

Anyone know of any UK based sites that they would recommend?

Wisteria's correct - your DCs and DH wouldn't be considered Jewish by many Jewish authorities (as Halachically - by Jewish Oral Law - being Jewish is matrilineal), but, may be considered Jewish by Reform/Liberal synagogues (and the state of Israel).

Whereabouts do you live? Is it likely that you could go and talk to a local Rabbi? The United Synagogue is kind of the organisation of Orthodox Synagogues and does have information on local communities (or else try googling Reform or Liberal synagogues - sorry, I mostly know about Orthodox stuff). Otherwise, the Chabad website is good, or else you could try Torah.org.

And yeah, it was shabbat info here. I was offline. (Lesson 1)

Abs, I thought the State of Israel went by the matrilineal line as well? Am I wrong in that?

I do know that my brother's children were not considered Jewish by even their very Reform Synagogue until they converted as my SIL is Catholic. So it really depends on where they want to worship and how the Rabbi feels about it.

How does your DH feel about it? Would he mind if your children decided to be Jewish? You do realize this means they will have to be circumcised, if they are boys and aren't already.

The Israeli state hasn't defined who they consider Jewish (too complicated), but if you have one Jewish grandparent (either matrilineal or patrilineal) then you can make Aliyah. This is VERY controversial, as it is related to the Nazi definition of a Jew. One side saying - if it was enough to get you killed for being Jewish, then it's enough to get you into Israel. The other side (normally more religious) saying - the Nazis shouldn't decide who's Jewish. We should. It's also caused issues as so many individuals who have a Jewish grandparent have become Israelis (particularly from the former Soviet Union), but have no knowledge or personal connection to Judaism.

I would suggest, maybe look into things as they come up. The next festival is the Fast of Esther, closely followed by Purim, which will be in March.

But, I would talk to your DP about this. It can be a very difficult topic/area depending on what happened with his parents. E.g. his father's family may have cut off contact because he married out, or his mother's side might have done so (a Christian family may not have been overjoyed with their daughter marrying a Jew).

Sorry, DH, not DP.

They don't have to be 'officially' Jewish to take part in Judaism - Judaism has an equal path for Gentiles as well, and they certainly don't have to be Jewish just to learn about their heritage.

Most sites on Judaism are international and based in the US or Israel. The only UK sites I know are either stores or for Noachides (the Gentile path in Judaism) which may interest you - Noachide.org.uk. Akhlah.com is a site that is solely directed at children (though Chabad and Aish have children's sections).

not related to the OP, but since this thread exists, an anyone enlighten me re 'kosher washing up liquid'? Was at a youth hostel recently and they had this, alongside bog standard stuff. What would be non kosher about washing up liquid?

Hm

It could be that it was kosher for passover (so wouldn't contain anything that was chametz or mezanot - too complicated to explain here, but basically grain based and other foods that you can't eat at Passover, no matter how small the amount.

I used to work for a Jewish firm and all the plates and cutlery at client dinners had to be specially packed in plasic and blessed and certified kosher before they could be eaten off. We also had a kitchen with kosher appliances which we were asked not to use for non kosher food.

Oddly, I found out years later my mother is Jewish and therefore I am along the maternal line although I was brought up Christian and do not want to bcome a practicing Jew.

Hello, it's great that you want to know more and teach your children about Judaism.

Aish, Chabad and United Synagogue are all bodies with which I have had some involvement. I would say that they are on the stricter side of the spectrum and certainly would not consider your DH or your children to be Jewish. They have a very specific philosophy which is difficult to explain concisely. My point is that you may not get a balanced view. They are likely to deal with any direct approaches politely, but will keep you at arm's length.

My suggestion would be to look at Liberal sites too. The St John's Wood Synagogue might be a good starting point: www.ljs.org/

I hope this is of some help. Whereabouts do you live?

Abs, the washing up liquid would be certified hametz free, you're right. I bought some kosher toothpaste last Pesach.

I think it's a bit of a scam tbh, trying to fleece the extra holy.

Agreed

Thanks for all the replies.

I'm in Devon near Honiton/Exeter.

No falling out with DH's dads family we do see them at weddings etc It's just that we don't have very many of those, DH's dad is 80 now, his brother a few years older so I expect the next time we see them will be funerals. I would like to try to get in touch with DH's two cousins though as we both have very small families, I'm sure they would be fine with this. They all live in London.

DH is fine/indifferent about it all. The children have all been christened (as has DH when he was a baby) as I said though we are all 'English' Christians, church at Christmas if we feel like it. I think it unlikely the children would want to convert when older, just because I can't imagine them wanting to give up Christmas, very shallow I know.

So, if I find a synagogue locally can I just go along for one of the festive services? Would we be welcome? Does it even work like that?

I would recommend maybe calling first and seeing you could speak to the rabbi, tell them what you're up to. Then, they may invite you to some services, or even for a Friday night, but I would strongly recommend doing that rather than just going for a service.

Unfortunately, synagogues have to be very very careful about who they let in and can be wary/suspicious of people just turning up, particularly at festival times and particularly if they're not Jewish.

Also, if you get in touch with your DH's cousins, and tell them that you would like your DCs to know more about their Jewish heritage, I am sure they would be more than willing to oblige.

There is a Reform Jewish group in Totnes. They don't have their own synagogue building, meet in rented premises. More info here.

I have never been to the one in Totnes, but belong to a similar small Jewish community. If you wanted to come along to one of our services or events, you would certainly be welcome.

Thanks sparks, where about are you? I have contacted Exeter synagogue who have said I would be welcome to come along. I'm a bit nervous/shy though.

Abs is right re Israel not defining who is Jewish. But if you do qualify under the Law of return, and your father/grandfather is Jewish - ie you are not halachically Jewish, you won't have "Jewish" as your ethnicity (?) on your id card, but rather your original nationality.

I would go for a liberal synagogue rather than Orthodox.

A word of encouragement from a non-Jew here - I have attended some events at a Reform Synagogue, quite liberal, with Jewish friends and found it a most welcoming community.

As further encouragement, the community at the local Orthodox synagogue and the Chabad synagogue that I have visited have been very welcoming and open with us (fully knowing we're non-Jews).

We have just celebrated Hanukah and the children enjoyed collecting gelt . I?m in a similar situation to you OP. My father is Jewish but raised as a Christian (long story) so I am teaching my sons about their Jewish heritage which they are both really keen to explore. Strangely DS1 seems to have always believed himself to be Jewish! Today he wanted to know if I would make challah and when I clicked on the link to the information on Shabbat, he was all eyes and wanted to read about it. I don?t know if we can ?convert? or even if DS1 will continue to want to, so I?m keeping an open mind.

It?s very difficult to know how to approach the business of actually going to the synagogue, something I have been thinking about for over a year. Too shy to pursue this, so I?d love to know how you get on. Will you come back and let us know how you get on?