a strange thing keeps happening

[ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo]

regularly over the past few years, when i have just been day dreaming or letting my mind wander, i get to thinking about being at my EXP's funeral with my dcs. it happened even when we were together so it wasn't about wanting him gone. it just keeps happening, almost as if it is a certainty that i will have to do this. almost how you would run through an upcoming scenario in your head like an interview or meeting your partner's parents. and when i am thinking about it, my dcs are young like they are now. he is young. there is no thought about how he dies. just that he is dead, he is waked at his parent's house, and there is a funeral. then after the funeral i visit the grave alone. i don't hate him and i don't want him dead. but why does my mind keep bringing these thoughts up?

Perhaps you subconsciously want to 'wrap it up' in your mind, you know, finish that chapter so that you can move on and start afresh. Do you feel that there's unfinished business?

not really. we are still in contact for the dcs and he visits them and takes them to his parents when on leave but as far as we are concerned it is all very definitely over.

perhaps it is symbolic thoughts rather than the story - the funeral is the end of the life together

i think it may be more to do with what would be expected of me if it were to happen. i don't get on with his family, in fact i don't speak to them except his mum when she collects teh dcs, so maybe it is me worrying about what would happen in that scenario. would i be welcome in teh house, at the funeral etc. but stil, i don't know why i am thinking about it ever happening, he is only 24.

Has anything like this happened to you before? I mean, the thoughts like this in your head?
How do you feel when you are seeing it in your head?

yes the same thing has been happening for a few years now, never about anyone else, always my ex and always about his funeral. the only thing i feel is unsure. I'm running it through in my head almost like a question, "will it be like this?" in my head I'm pretty certain i will be there, but not certain whether i will be welcome, or not. whetehr they would actively request that i be there or refuse to let me be there at all.

I wonder if the unfinished business is sorting out how to deal with your dc's grandparents, now that you and ex are apart. Is there a way they can become easier to cope with? What does your ex think about relations between you all?