Help - advice from catholics please?

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Friend of mine has just broken up with her DH, after having an emotional affair all summer with another of our friends.

Friend and OM extremely catholic; friend's DP is atheist. It has caused friction in the past.

The OM is in the process of moving away (which he knew about before the affair started). OM is miserable to the point of suicide about moving away. Friend is miserably at her parents'. Friend's (D)H is miserably at his parents'.

OM and friend are asking me what to do, saying they don't know what to say or do etc.
I haven't a clue and particularly haven't a clue how their faith and the rules of their religion fit in with all this, i.e. if there is anything I should be advising in particular.

My only real viewpoint is that friend and OM are distinctly better suited to each other than friend and her DH.... catholicism, interests, outlook, personality etc.

I'm saying stay calm, don't make any hasty decisions, and trying to make sure they each have somewhere to stay and that they each keep talking.

Any advice, anyone?

sorry the DH is a husband, not a partner so teh DP bit above is inaccurate

Well, Catholics shouldn't be having affairs.

That said, I don't see how their shared religion is that relevant really as it seems to be just another point of compatability with them.

So I think you are doing all you can do, and being a good friend.

In the context of where we all live and our shared interests, the cahtholicism is a fairly defining feature of those two to the exclusion of all others.

They also talk about being committed catholics all the time, and they have been very very explicit that in this emotional affair "nothing has happened that shouldn't have happened" i.e. I gather they have fallen in love but haven't slept with each other.

The catholicism does seem to be part of how they are trying to deal with it... and (myself liking lax pragmatic anglicanism) I just haven't a clue.

I'm not a Catholic but a priest I know (Anglican) had an affair with a parishoner in which 'nothing happened' and made a huge amount of people very unhappy.

I'll throw out that a marriage between a Catholic and an atheist could be grounds for annulment (not something that sits well with me but is a possibility) but otherwise I think your part is to listen and mumble words of comfort as needed, be a shoulder to cry on but don't take sides or make suggestions as to who suits who.

Yep. My comment about them being suited to each other was intended for here, to help people understand the situation, rather than anyone in real life.

I don't know the circumstances of the marriage. It's possible the DH has lapsed since marriage.

Incidentally although the priest I knew was suspended he hasn't been thrown out of the church on the grounds that he and the OW (who he was giving marriage guidance to ) didn't have penetrative sex. So it may be that in the eyes of the church they haven't had an affair as such.

But that might be rubbish. Or they may find that one priest says one thing and another something else.

Think you are wise not to say to much and pass the tissues.

Agree pass the tissues. Marriage Care is similar to Relate but wd have more understanding of the religious specifics (it used to be called catholic marriage care but had to go semi independent after finding that gay couples also found the service useful)

"nothing has happened that shouldn't have happened" This is a load of hooey, and the two of them seem to be using their shared religion as some sort of excuse here to somehow justify betrayal of someone who had the bad luck not to be part of their little club.

I don't think the Catholic Church splits hairs to the degree these people seem to be doing so. A major hurt has been inflicted, no doubt there has been deceit involved too. As far as being 'committed Catholics' goes -- hooey again. They sound selfish, immature and flaky in the extreme.

The best advice I could give you is to stay well clear of this unpleasant pair and refuse to get involved in their relationship troubles. I would also say, as a Catholic whose 'committed Catholic' exH had a little problem keeping his pants up while out of the house, and who turned out to be interested in stuff on the computer that would curl a lot of people's toes, that people who wear their Committed Catholic badge on their sleeves and think that entitles them to behave badly behind other people's backs with chunks of frozen butter in their mouths, actually don't care that much about what their Church really asks of them, so the religious element is a non-starter. They're hiding behind it because they know they have done something they should be ashamed of.

They've made their bed even if they haven't lain in it -- it's up to them now to make the necessary decisions that their conduct has led to.