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Original poster

Feel told off my local vicar

19 replies

roslily · 17/08/2010 19:41

And I suppose it is my own fault for asking what I did. I asked about a dedication service instead of baptism. My dh and I attend a pioneer baptist church, and don't want ds baptised. But our parents do, and so we thought this would work.

I have received an email back saying that I don't belong to mainstream Christianity and I am shopping around. It isn't that I disagree with him, but it was such an angry email.

Ah well.

OP posts:

Greensleeves · 17/08/2010 19:44

he had no right at all to insult you, the rude bastard

not a great advert for his faith, is he?

FlorenceDaphne · 17/08/2010 19:46

My friends belong to, in their own words, a very middle-of-the-road Baptist church, and recently had their DS dedicated instead of baptised. Even the mother, who attends every Sunday, helps with Sunday school, attends Bible meetings etc, isn't actually baptised. It seems to be the norm there to be dedicated instead, at least until the teenage years.

Why not phone other churches and ministers? I see nothing wrong with finding a minister who doesn't slate your beliefs.

Greensleeves · 17/08/2010 19:48

in fact I think you should name and shame the sod

BeerTricksPotter · 17/08/2010 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 17/08/2010 19:49

i think he was harsh,. but i also agree to a certain extent

you can't just pick and choose the church that will do what you want can you? you either believe in it and attend the church and bring your child up in that way... or you go with your own church and their own way of doing things??

if YOU don't want your child baptised then don't get him baptised. you shouldn't be doing this just because your parents want you to

Original poster

roslily · 17/08/2010 19:50

Thank you. The thing is it was a Church of England dean who is a friend of family that suggested it.

I am sure that my church would do it, but our parents come from very traditional church backgrounds, and when talking to the Dean friend she suggested asking- she has performed these kinds of services in her church, for exactly those reasons.

OP posts:

LauraNorder · 17/08/2010 19:52

I think I agree with thisisyestrday. (Although accept he could have worded it a bit more tactfully). I don't think it's right to have a dedication service in a church you don't attend just to please your parents. I can see why he wouldn't want to do that for you.

M44 · 17/08/2010 19:53

roslily-he is your child and comes to church with you-he has a church 'family' This is where his dedication should take place not at a church he doesn't attend at the wish of grandparents. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it is about welcoming into the church family both locally and global....so it is really important if you attend a church for it to be with your friends who will watch and support him grow up.
Hope that makes sense.

BeerTricksPotter · 17/08/2010 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry · 17/08/2010 20:11

Why are you asking about infant baptism when you are baptists?

It is you who have to make the promises, not your parents.

If you are a member of one church and seek another churh for baptism, then it does appear that you are church shopping.

You'll have to post the email verbatim for us to know whether it was angry or not. And why are you emailing rather than speaking face-to-face with the vicar?

LynetteScavo · 17/08/2010 20:19

I agree with M44, but the Vicar has been rather rude! He may not want to do a dedication service, but he could have been much more polite about it.

LynetteScavo · 17/08/2010 20:21

MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry. rosily, isn't asking about baptism, she's asking about a dedication service.

MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry · 17/08/2010 20:28

There isn't a C of E 'dedication'. The alternative to infant baptism is a 'thanksgiving'.

But if someone is a member of a baptist church, why not just have a dedication? It seems really weird to contact the C of E. Especially by email.

I would be interested in seeing the OP's actual email and the vicar's actual response.

Original poster

roslily · 17/08/2010 21:15

I contacted him by email because when you look at the contacts page of their website that is what is there. I admit that I shouldn't have asked and it was stupid. The main reason for asking was that our parents will feel very uncomfortable at our church.

I totally see why you would want to see original emails, but I am not going to post his response as that seems unfair. he didn't mean for it to be on internet. Which I realise is contradictory as I have posted about the email. So I am sorry for starting the OP. I was just a bit stunned. I have only just started going to church (March) and consider myself a new Christian. I went to several church services at different churches and carried on going to the one that made me, and most importantly my son feel welcome, with kids stuff etc.

OP posts:

LauraNorder · 17/08/2010 21:20

roslily - don't be sorry you started the thread. Life is full of people with different opinions, don't be upset or offended. You asked a question - you got an answer

"I went to several church services at different churches and carried on going to the one that made me, and most importantly my son feel welcome, with kids stuff etc."

That's fantastic and this is what you should be telling your parents is the reason you are not having a service in a church you don't go to/feel comfortable in just to please the family. It's great you have found somewhere so welcoming

EricNorthmansmistress · 17/08/2010 21:40

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the first time I have recognised a MNer from real life! Saw you post about this on FB....will leave you to guess who I am....shouldn't take long!

spiritmum · 17/08/2010 21:48

Roslily, this is about your son, not your parents. If you have found a home at your Baptist church then would that not be the right place for his dedication? If your parents feel uncomfortable they have the option of leaving/not coming. You feel comfortable. That's all that matters.

If your parents want an infant baptism then a thanksgiving isn't a compromise because it isn't a sacrament. And frankly the dean is out of order for suggesting that a family from another church should attend anything at an Anglican church in order to keep the grandparents happy. Although there is no excuse for rudeness from your local priest I can understand why he's annoyed, but he should be annoyed with the dean and your parents, not you.

FWIW my grandmother was a Roman Catholic but I 'had' to attend a Baptist church as that was where I was a Brownie - in those days we had to go to church parade. Although my nan didn't feel 'comfortable' with the evangelical style of worship she still turned up every month to support me. I think your parents can do the same for you - unless it is the Anglican church that they worship and not God?

madhairday · 18/08/2010 11:32

Roslily, I do think the vicar was rude and tactless and his comment about 'mainstream christianity' frankly wrong - since when was one denomination the 'right' one?

I agree with pps that you need to do what is best for you and your family here, not try to please others. Have a thanksgiving in your own church, with your own church family, a celebration. Your parents will have to cope with it. After all, many people have christenings etc where their family may feel less than comfortable but they still go along to support them. Hopefully your parents will see beyond the denominational divide (so sad that there has to be one) and enjoy celebrating with you and giving thanks. Sounds like your church is lovely - have just seen your post about it on the prayer thread, but does sound like you feel you have found the right one, which is great. Enjoy it and enjoy an occasion of thanksgiving with people there. :)

comtessa · 18/08/2010 11:37

The baptist church should be happy to do a dedication for your DC.
But also, am annoyed at vicar on your behalf! I go to a CofE church, but I don't agree with infant baptism/christenings, scripturally speaking. However my CofE vicar is more than happy to do a service of dedication without accusing me of shopping around - he had his kids dedicated not christened.

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