Thank you, Clockface and Justabout, it is odd how things turned out...one of the things that I really love about my life now is that I get to express my pagan leanings, too. When I look at the sun I don't see something that God created, I see God manifested, and that wasn't on when I was studying!
I always used to give stuff up for Lent but I think that it was more ego-driven than out of selflessness. To be honest I think that everything we give, we give to please ourselves. For example, you know what it's like to spend hours searching for the perfect gift for someone. You wrap it lovingly, and when you give it to them you expect hugs and kisses and weeping with gratitude.
But what if it doesn't happen? If they aren't that impressed, we may feel deflated, hurt, even angry. This happens all the time; the cup of coffee that our partner leave to go cold, the meal our kids turn their noses up at...accept that when we do things for others for the pleasure that it gives us and the gift becomes unconditional, beause you expect nothing at all in return, not even a thank you.
As for where the answers come from, my beliefs have shifted from the dual to the non-dual. So I see no place where I end and you begin, and no separation between me and God, or my Source. But the paradox is that the very fact that I have beliefs that are different to yours means that we have an illusion of separation. It is why I never say that I follow a particular religion any more - apart from the fact that what I follow probably doesn't have a name (New Age pic'n'mix is what my former tutor would have said it was ) as soon as I say that I am this and you are something else, we notice our separateness.
I remember feeling thoroughly miserable before offering myself for ordination. It took me 18 months and I really got quite depressed. I did have some doubts though - the biggest one being that I knew I could never obey my bishop. Probably just as well for the CofE that I didn't get ordained as there would have been a big scandal about a lady vicar marrying gay couples in secret!
I have dreams too, but I don't usually remember them - I cary the feeling with me and have faith that what I needed to know has gone in somewhere! (Although last night's dream was about me dying my hair blond...) I tend more to get messages when I meditate, I see images, and I also channel when I am journalling sometimes - I try not to put too much of a label on things. When I was a Christian I used to have this sense of a presence who would guide me and answer any questions that I had. That presence left as abruptly as a light switch being flicked and because my faith had stopped stacking up intellectually, I lost it, although not without a very hard fight. It was terrifying! Now I have a sense of something with me again, although in a different way - I feel very strongly that the only person who will save me is me - so who knows what it is that we assign these labels to? God? Angels? The Higher Self? Does it matter?
Have you read Geza Vermes? I love his books and he's been really instrumental in shaping my beliefs now.
Breton, that is really interesting.
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