hard to move on?

[glasgowmandy]

my family and me recently had to have our black lab ben put to sleep, it has been y far the hardest weeks of my life,
i think its hard for some people to understand the loss of a pet.. he was going on 17 had bad legs and he just got so slow, the thing is he was still happy, still wagged his tail when anyone came to see him, he had lost his sight and hearing but apart from that he was fine, the day we decided was when he couldnt make it out to the toilet anymore and one morning he actually fell in his own poo, it was just heartbreaking to see him like that, and although he was still a happy chap we thought best to put him to rest to preserve his dignity and stop him suffering all of this.

im finding it very hard to accept what we have done.. was it the right decision? shoud we have given him more time?
i loved him so much he was such a great dog, beautiful nature and always came to give youa hug when you were down.
watching him go as we held him in our arms was excrutiating, we had him cremated and got his ashes and scattered them over his favorite river swimming spot.

friends and family of my boyfriend that never met ben can be so cruel, whenever i talk about him or somtimes just think about him i burst into tears and ive heard a few mutters under peoples breath of,.. god sake its justa dog!

the thing is i dont think ill ever get over loosing him, 17 years is a long time and i feel so empty, i cant go to my mums without breaking down at the thought of him not running up to greet me. irecently brought to little goldfish. just to have SOMTHING to care for and im so worried they are going to die, im a total paranoid freak.
am i gunna get over this? does anyone understand this heartbreak? x

My heart goes out to you x

I have been in the position of having to have a dog put to sleep as he had multiple organ failure. It was really hard to accept at the time but gradually the pain got easier. I can't remember feeling guilty at making the decision as I knew it was the right thing to do. It has been 2 years (next month) and I am no longer sad about it. I was for a long time afterwards and swore blind that I would never get another dog. But, as time goes by, you forget the pain and sadness and remember more and more good times.

I have recently been greiving another dog. My puppy died unexpectedly during a routine neutering operation at 7 months old. I had no idea there was any risk of him dying, he was perfectly healthy, at least we thought he was.

Its been 18 days now since he died and I can honestly say I feel so much better than I did on day 1. I am sure I will still have more tears to shed, but by taking each day at a time I am coping.

How recently did your dear dog die?
I found myself asking people how long it would take me to recover. I also worried people would think I was being pathetic for being so upset over a dog. But, I can honestly say I no longer care what people think. Yes, he was a dog, he was my dog and he was a very special dog.

Please don't worry what other people say. If you know someone is going to be unkind or unsympathetic then I'd say try and keep your distance for a while. You don't need to be pretending your fine. You are not fine, you are grieving for a member of your family because lets face it, thats what our pet dogs are.

Take care and if you want to talk I'm here to listen.

"was it the right decision? shoud we have given him more time? "

Better a day too soon than a second too late.

And from your post I don't think it was too soon. I think it was timed perfectly, with sympathy for the dog's welfare rather than your own need for him to go on. A brave, difficult, right decision.

So sorry for your loss.

It's such a hard decision to make but you did the right thing. For a dog to reach seventeen is remarkable so it's little wonder his little body was starting to wear out.

As SoBloodyTired said "Better a day too soon than a second too late."

Please try to enjoy your new fish rather than worry that it will die. Unfortunately pets do die and sometimes unexpectedly and prematurely but you just have to enjoy the time you do have and not waste it worrying.

Ignore the tuts from "friends" and mourn Ben for as long as you need to. Remember that he had a good and long life and you did everything you could for him and that his tail was wagging right up until the end.

gosh im welling up just over your responses, so kind and thankyou, wee ben died nearly 6 weeks ago! so it has been quite a while but i dont know if theres a time set that we need to just stop thiking about it and move on with things, he was just such a big part of our lifes. there for us all when we needed him. my mum isnt coping so good either, my dad left us 8 years ago, and ben was my mums deepest companion, he was there for her when he left, i think he knew her heartache and just.. somehow made it easier for her, he was ther for us all in his own little way.
i know some who read this may snigger, but it is loosing a family member, and probably the only family member who never lied, betrayed, uttered a moan or answered back! he was just perfect and i miss him terribly.

i think the guilt makes it harder, we all say it was the right thing to do, but he even walked into the vets himself, tail wagging, a little confused to why we were allll crambed into the vets with him, there was 12 of us altogether, all with him all holding him as he went, and his confused face just broke my heart completely,

the main dread was coming home one day to find he'd died alone in the house, we thought at least this way theres no pain and his whole family were with him as he went.

i just cant get tha day out my heart out my dreams, out every other thought i have during the day.. i have a lovely 8 month old daughter who is just the light of my life, even she loved tuggin on his old shabby ears, her little smiles make things a little easier, i just want to get over it. i cant talk to my family about how i feel, they just get upset too, and i cant talk to DP or friends as i feel they just roll their eyes and think.. here we again.
i feel ridiculous sometimes, but writing all this out has taken some weight off my shoulders. x

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry for your loss.
You did do the right thing, but it will hurt you very much, yet time is a great healer. Please ignore the comments from others, and if needs be, dont get upset in front of them, but rather seek out some people to cry on their shoulder, who will support you.

I lost my balck lab aged 7 at easter, as a result of rat poison and vets negligence, and as this all happened, 3 weeks after my dp left us, I cant begin to describe how upset I was. I was hysterical with grief and it is only now, that I have sort of come to terms with it. The remaining lab (her daughter) is lost without her mum, and my dd (4) keeps telling me she missed molly

Having reconcilled with my dp, and only this weekend having the courage to accept mollys ashes in the hosue, I am now at the stage of thinking about scattering, the ashes, and like you, will scatter them in a local river which was her favourite place for a walk.

Time will heal you, please keep busy and dont be afraid to cry, although avoiding things which set you off may help......I managed to flick about 30 seconds "marley and me" on sky movies about a week after it happened, and I was a wreck.

Remember, you did your best for him, he had an amazing long and happy life with you, and that he is in doggy heaven

I have found it much easier to write about what happened and about my feelings too. It didn't matter if I had tears streaming down my face while typing, no-one could see or judge.

I couldn't stand to talk about it, still find that a bit hard now but am able to talk my pup a bit.

6 weeks still isn't that long, no-one knows how long it takes to come to terms with a loss. Ben was with you for such a long time, its natural to miss him so much. I have been directed towards a poem about a rainbow bridge, it really makes me sob though. Maybe when you are feeling a bit stronger you would like to read it too. But be warned, you will need a tissue or two!

thankyou lilymolly, i am having a good old cry as we speak, just at your comments because they are the first comments ive heard that just make me feel so much better.
what happened to your poor lab is horrible! icant believe you had to loose her that way, you poor thing.
we kept some of the ashes, after we scattered them at his favorite river we burried some in the garden under his favorite sunbathing spot with a plaque made that wrote.. ben, sorely missed but never forgotten, its lovely, adn the rest is kept ina pretty little box abover the fire place.

i watched marley and me and i was a total wreck too, i also watched that one hatchi? dunno why i do that to myself! ben was just like marley and we remember saying to ben also.. "let us know when its time boy"

ihave his bandana that he wore, i have it over his framed picture in my living room, so i see him everyday and a little lump jumps up into my throat, people that have came to the house, say.. umm whos the dog, whats that about?
i really hate people that can be so cold hearted, what does it matter if its human or not? its still something that holds a special place in your heart i just wish people could understand.
like youselfs, its so nice to hear all your comments and i dont feel like a complete idiot for saying how i feel now.
i just hope hes happy wherever he is, and i hope he understands why we did what we did, and that its ok x

kid thankyou hun i would like to hear the poem, we had one that the vet gave us after .. ya know it was so lovely, ill look for it now and type it out xxx

if it should be....

if it should be that i grow frail and weak, and pain should keep me from my sleep.
then you must do what must be done, for this last battle cannot be won.
you will be sad, i understand, dont let your grief then stay your hand.
for this day, more than all the rest, your love and friendship stands the test.
we've had so many happy years, what is to come can hold no fears.
would you want me to suffer? so,
when the time comes please let me go.
take me where my needs they'll tend, only stay with me till the end.
and hold me firm and speak to me, until my eyes no longer see.
it is kindness that you do to me.
although my tail its last has waved, from pain and suffering i have been saved.
do not greif it should be you, who must decide this thing to do.
we've been so close we two these years,
dont let your heart hold any tears.

im a sobbing mess just writing it out but the vet gave us it afterwards and its lovely x

You can find the poem here

rainbowsbridge.com/poem.htm

Sod it, just read it again and its still too sad for me to read

aww god just red it its sooo nice, i better get the wine opened now lol, thanks for that, really thanks x

Its lovely to think of being able to meet them again one day. Especially the fact that they are meant to be restored to full health.

I remember how my pup used to look at me with those huge eyes of his. They will be forever in my thoughts. (his photos are on my profile)

www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?pid=31035813&id=1127187938

its a comfort to think that definatley, couldnt bare to think i couldnt see him again, xx

ahh, really lovely photos. What a great baby cushion he made!

Just read that poem on your photos. That is really, really sad but so very true.

lol i know, those pictures of him with my DD was the night before it happened. x

i just seen yours what a lovely dog, looks like one of those dogs you see modeling for adverts!! goregous x

you got me crying again now
What special memories you have of him and nobody can take those memories away.

You can see he is old in the photos, with his white beard! He really did have a long and wonderful life with you, what a lucky dog.

kid! you've got me going again too! what we like, their probably up there thinking, bloody hell look at the nick a those two lol.
his beard was his trademark lol, he owned the town we lived in aswell, everyone knew him, he had the respect of all the younger pups lol. he was the daddy! if ya like.

your dog is also lucky to have had you as such a loving owner, thankyou for all your kind words, have meant a lot to me, if you wanna share any fave memories type away xx

thanks

I posted a similar thread to this very recently here

and this is when I got the news of his death
here

I have totally moved on from those first horrific days.

I have even decided that we are going to get a new pup.
I'm not suggesting in any way that you should do the same. But it was the only way I could see to look towards the future. I just couldn't cope with not having any dog here. Moby can't come back, I still miss him so much and if I could have him back, there would be no hesitation. But, thats not going to happen so we are going to find another dear little dog to love and adore just as much as we did with Moby. This dog will probably be wrapped up in cotton wool by all of us. He will NOT be getting neutered either, I don't care what the vet says to me.
Mobys photos are on my profile

people can be so kind cant they.. i think your doing the right thing, you obviously loved and cared for him so much and any other dog to have such a lovely home would be a lucky one!
i would love to have another dog butim living in a flat just now and i would love to give my dog space to run around in the garden, but we dont have any of that, ben loved his garden.
also i have an 8 month old and returning to work shortly so i think i will wait till i can give a dog my full heart and attention.
i would looooove another dog, just to fill that empty space, i just brought two goldfish today, that should be keep me occupied lol.
i do hope it gets easier, i find myself getting so jelous of seeing people walking around with their dogs, just kills me, i cant look at them.
he'll never be forgotten he holds such a special place in my heart, and my familys, he was so loved and i suppose i should be thankful that i had him for all those years. x

Your post makes perfect sense.
I'd be hopeless with fish, they survive about 3 weeks!
I managed to keep one for about 6 months, I was really impressed. Then my lovely DD decided to take it out of the tank to stroke it. She then managed to drop it on the floor under the settee but didn't tell anyone!
She did eventually get it back and put it back in the tank, but it didn't survive.
She was so upset, I couldn't be cross with her.

I had to make the same decision when my 12 yo GSD experienced the same problems as your boy. Shane suffered from degenerative myaeleopathy, the canine form of MS. I beat myself up over it too and kept asking myself if I'd acted too soon, even though I knew that worse was to come and there was no cure for the disease.

My vet was wonderful. She told me that she would have done as I did had he been one of her dogs and that making that decision is the last loving thing you can do. It was, but god to I know how it hurts. That will be 4 years ago come October.

It gets easier, the pain starts gradually to be replaced by happy memories. If I'm honest, it never totally leaves, but that's the price I paid for sharing my life with such a wonderful dog. To regret it all would be to regret knowing Shane.

Those who tut and say it's just a dog just don't understand. That's their loss, that's them lacking that special bit of humanity and compassion which you should be proud to have.

You did the right thing. Please comfort yourself with that and wonderful memories.

My heart goes out to you.

Val x