Can't cope with the loss of my dog :(

[kid]

I know it is a totally ridiculous question but how long does it take to get over the loss of a dog?

Its been 2 weeks today and I forced myself to make the same journey I was on when I received the news of my dogs death. I did consider avoiding it, but knew it had to be done eventually so might as well get it over and done with.

After doing the journey, I felt different about him not being here, so I thought that was my acceptance. But, DS broke down in tears tonight and that set me off and I have been pretty much upset since then.

I can't stand feeling like this and can't help but think other people expect me to have moved on by now but I just can't. Its not through choice that I am still suffering. All that is going through my mind is that I want him back.

I thought I was dealing quite well with it. I even managed to explain to a fellow dog lover at work today what actually happened to him. But, this afternoon and this evening proves that I am not dealing with it at all. It still feels as raw as it did 2 weeks ago.

I'm not sure kid, but since you loved him it is going to take time

It will take time, but it will get better. Just take one day at a time. I am not an animal lover myself but I do understand love is love and grief is grief. you have lost something you loved and it will take time. Good luck to you.

Kid, it's not ridiculous. You obviously loved your dog and treated him like a member of your family, so his death is exactly like losing a member of the family. It's awful but it will get better.

My advice would be to be as miserable as you want for a while and then try to cheer up and think of the funny, lovely things about him. You should allow yourself to feel upset as pushing it down will only make it worse.

I bet he had a lovely life with you, lucky doggy

It does take time, Kid, and there's no absolute as to when the hurt starts to become replaced with happy memories. Even then, I won't lie to you, sometimes it will hit you.

But it does become easier to accept too. I just can't say when. We're all different. Go easy on yourself, don't put pressure on yourself to be over it or to have come to terms with it by any particular time.

And keep your eyes out for that special new furry friend to comfort you, as I will. The excitement and joy of seeking and finding him won't ever make your boy less special but will, as it has done for me, ease the grief and give you a reason to smile.

Val x

thanks for your replies, even if they can't tell me when I will begin to feel better, I kind of expected that but hoped there would be a time scale.

I am keeping my eyes open for another dog/puppy to love but at the same time I am scared to get attached again. Loads of people have dogs and they are fine, surely I wouldn't be unlucky again?

I think what has hurt the most this time is this has been my first real experience of a close death. I have experienced a few people dying and at the time I was really sad. But I have never experienced this type of pain of loss before. He was with me every single day and I miss that. I walked him 2 or 3 times every day come rain or shine. I just assumed we would have about 14 years together, not 5 months

I don't know whether to avoid his photos and not to talk or think about him just so as I don't cry. I still haven't collected his lead and collar, I don't know why but I just don't want to see it yet. I do see one of his leads most days as its still in the boot of the car along with his towels and the dog guard is still in place. Removing them would be confirmation that he has gone for good. I don't think I am ready for that though.

I didn't realise he was so young as I've been away for a while from the boards, sorry.

But in his short life he has shown you just how much love you have to give to a dog. So many dogs unfortunately don't get such love (and exercise!) and it would be a shame to let a good home like yours go to waste. I agree with Val that you should in your own time, move on and love another dog.

I have loved and lost 7 family dogs and if I had to give you a idea of when it would stop feeling like a punch to the heart every time you remember they are gone I would say possibly a few weeks, but you never stop missing them. They're family. But it's better to have loved and lost I think.

Good luck.

I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost your dog. As Valhalla said, it'll take time. It'll feel quite acute for a while but eventually you should be able to think about your dog and remember good times you had together without breaking down.

I lost my little Yorkie last year. She was run over by a car having gone over one gate and digging under another. She really was the sweetest little dog and for a while I couldn't think about her without crying but now I'm able to talk about her and the funny things she did and smile. I think it helped that we got another dog (Not the same breed as it would have felt too much like a replacement) and the new dog was a happy distraction from the grief.

Don't worry whether or not other people think you should be over it by now. We all deal with things differently and at different speeds. You loved your dog and it's perfectly normal to be upset so let yourself grieve for as long as you need to.

Kid it was a massive shock and so completely unexpected that it will take time to get over. I had never meet you or your puppy but I find that I am often thinking of what happened to you both with sadness at randoms times during the day. Do not worry things will get easier but give yourself time.

People who don't have animals don't understand the attachment so do not worry what other people think at all! My motto for most of my life actually.

You will get over it and if you decide to get another dog that runs around and is happy and jolly and makes you laugh over time you will relax and begin to enjoy dog ownership again not to forget Moby but to remember him with happiness.

I am not particularyu religious but my twin daughter aged 3 said to me a while after one of our dogs died "that god decided they lived less time than us so that we get to have more dogs to enjoy in our life" maybe she was right

Who cares if it unmumsnetty big ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

There's no "normal" period of time, kid. You must also remember that he wasn't old, or ill, and his death was totally unexpected. Had this not been the case you would have been prepared, a little, for the inevitable outcome and IMO people often start the grieving process before the death in these cases. For you this has been a bolt from the blue, and will undoubtedly take time to get over.

I think also you should be prepared to think you are feeling much better and then have sudden setbacks - this is normal and can go on for a long time.

Please try to take some comfort from the happy memories - eventually you will be able to enjoy and treasure the good times you had together.

I agree with OhExpletive, the grief you feeling is still mixed in with shock.

I know that when I took my dog in for neutering I was thinking far more of how well he would recover, and how long would I need to restrict his exercise than the small possibility of him dying during surgery.

I have also been thinking a lot about Moby and you these past few weeks. Spaniel puppies are totally nuts (in a good way) and I am sure that Moby was the same. It seems inconceivable that they should be taken so young when they are so energetic and full of life.

I think that the fragility of life can be very scary, whether it is our pets or people close to us. However, we have to love and be loved even if it may cause pain when we lose, because we humans are wired that way.

I would not take down your dog guards, because I am sure you will soon have a new little friend that will use them.

I don't care if it is um-mumsnetty (((((((Kid)))))))

Our dog hasn't much longer to live, the vet doubts it's as much as a month.

Like you, I've never really lost anyone I was so attached to either. I know I'm very lucky to be able to say that at the age of 37. It's just so very hard to see my children upset about it.

Sod what other people think about needing to move on. You take your time and be kind to yourself.

My beloved cat was killed by a car outside my house 18 months ago, I was standing there as it happened and it was unbelievably awful. Few weeks later I started having panic attacks (and i am a very un-panic attacky kind of person), didn't associate it with mog's death and had no idea of cause.

Went on for about 2 months, eventually went to see wonderful cranial sacral therapist who connected the dots, did some bodywork and some NLP and helped me 'process' the trauma of the experience and loss.

i still miss beloved mog, but really did need a bit of help.

{hug}

Kid - I lost my beloved pooch after 15 years in March. I still get upset. Little things like when I'm cutting chicken for tea and I used to give her the scraps, opening a drawer and seeing her collar etc.
Even though we've got two lovely young kittens I still miss her so, so much. I had her since she was 12 weeks old. But I think of all the funny things she did and what a lovely life she had and how affectionate she was and it helps.

Kid, there is no set time to grieve. I lost my gorgeous shepherd a year ago and it still hurts, my son who was brought up with him still has a cry and has a picture of him in his bedroom.

It is such a huge loss and I swore that I wasnt having another dog for a long long time, however, that lasted 3 weeks. I couldnt stand the fact that there was noone to walk, the cat cried continually and my son was a mess. (DD was upset, but she was only 5 so not too bad)

It felt like everywhere I went there was a GSD puppy and by chance I went into the vets to pick something up and an ad caught my eye... lo and behold we got Louis who sealed the deal by being born on the same day as my old boy exactly 10 years later... so he is our new dog, same breed, but a totally different colour and personality.

I have to say he has helped the children and DH and I an awful awful lot in our grief.

Good luck to you, it is always very sad when you lose a loved one.

Big hugs from me too.

Thanks for all your lovely, kind words.
I know there is no set time for grieving, but I just want to move on.

Managed to speak briefly about moby today and the idea of getting another puppy. I am aiming to get another one on the 21st august! That's my plan anyway, the day after I get back from holiday and it will also mean 2 weeks together before returning to work.

I have thought about it long and hard and I do think it's the right thing for us to do.
Just need to find that dog now.

You are feeling shock as well as grief. The pain and sadness will ease, but it will be gradual.

I lost my dear old 14yr old dog this time last year. She was my constant companion and had seen our family through so much.
Like you I left her things around me, her collar and lead hanging by the door and her bed under the stairs. I collected some hair from her brush and went with the kids, to our favourite walking spot and scattered it into the wind. Every time we walk that way now dd(6)says, "This is where we can think of B**n"
I was touched by the amount of people who were genuinely upset, by it made me realise, she had a bloody good social life!
The way you and your family are feeling shows how much Moby was loved and you should feel proud that his short life was a good one.

After only a few weeks we started to talk about the possibility of getting another dog. I couldn't cope with the idea of the same breed, so we looked around at others that might suit our lifestyle.
All this proved a good distraction.

We decided on the breed for us, did our homework and visited lots of adult dogs and breeders and finally brought home our new 8 week old, furry friend last December.

Getting another dog hasn't replaced our dear old friend, but our pup quickly started to fill a the very big hole she left.
It's hard to think that you'll feel the same about any other dog. But you will...

Xx

Hi Kid - sorry you are feeling so stressed, but as everyone else has said this is normal. You can not be expected to just move on at this stage. He might have been "just a dog" to other people but to you he was a member of your family and more than just a dog for sure. After my old lady was put to sleep I couldn't replace her immediately. 10 months later I cried my eyes out on Christmas day missing her still. We are now 15months on and I still miss her, but it is easier to think about her without being so sad too. I also have a new dog in my life (1yr on since the old lady went) and whilst she is not my old dog, she is a wonderful dog and a worth replacement to fill a gap. It has helped me a lot to have her now. When you are ready then you may be able to take that step and I think it will help you to smooth the emotions a little more easily too. Great you have a target for 21st August

I was in pieces when my old dog died suddenly - didn't start to feel better till we'd definitely decided to get another ... I'd be totally thrown by silly things like whether to throw out the half-box of dog biscuits, or where to put the bed.

We were lucky enough to quickly find a 10 month old who needed a home - he slotted into the void in our lives so beautifully.
I do hope your plans for getting a new dog this summer work out.

I still have moby's beds (he had 2)
one was under my bed where he slept but ds brought it down to the kitchen and spent a few days following moby's death curled up in the bed with moby's toys.
They have both been left in the kitchen, one has his hairs on it, the other is covered in his teethmarks!

His foodbowl is in the cupboard with some of his treats and a clicker. I gave away his 3/4 bag of food.
His lead and collar are still at my parents, that's the only thing I have completely avoided as I just know it's going to set me off. I wonder if it has his scent on the collar?

There seems to be loads of cocker puppies available in yorkshire, which is a million miles from me. I don't mind travelling, but that's just too far to go.
I was even beginning to consider getting a puppy before our holiday and maybe asking the breeder to have the dog while I'm on holiday, but I fon 't want to. When we get a dog, I want it here with me. I'd spend my whole holiday missing it and wishing the holiday to be over.

I am going to be so stressed about the puppy being healthy. Maybe I'll post my potential pup details on here for everyone to thoroughly investigate it!

Today has been very good. I am not going to end the night in tears. I am not going to look at any photos of him and I'm not going to stay up on my own for my thoughts to start to wander.