Help me with my rescue cat.

[MinkyBorage]

Sorry, I know I'm posting rather a lot, but Gordon is really foxing me.

He arrived Tuesday and has pretty much camped out behind a dresser where he can't be reached by dc since then. He stayed there ALL day today, and I have started putting his food where he can reach it without coming out, because he doesn't have any otherwise.
As soon as they go to bed, he comes out, dances a jig and rolls around whilst I stroke him. Tonight I let him out of the rooms I have been keeping him in so he could have a wander. I have been doing some housework, and he has basically found a great hiding place where we never go.
I know it's early days, but is he actually going to get over being terrified of the kids? They've been gentle with him, but they're quite noisy, especially ds who is 14 months and shouts something that sounds a bit like "hello" at him every time he sees him, and it's not going down well.

Please tell me this will improve. I don't mind if he's a solitary type of cat, but I just don't want him to run away. I'm keeping the outside doors closed. CPL said to do this for 5 weeks . I'd really like it to be sooner in this lovely weather.

Minky -
that sounds really really normal for a rescue cat, though it might take him a while longer as you have little kids. Did the shelter say he'd lived with a family before? We foster cats and ours often take a week or so to feel brave enough to hang out when people are awake, but we have a little, peaceful house so it wouldn't be odd for Gordon (great name) to take a while longer. Still, I'd hope you could let him out in 3-4 weeks - the general trick is to wait until you're confident that he feels calm at home and understands that that is where great food comes from.

In the meantime, you could try a Feliway diffuser, which would probably help. Feed him where he's happy to eat, which will make him feel safe. If you can bear to spend quiet time lying on the floor near him, that will help. And blink at him very slowly when you do see him, rather than making direct eye contact; it's the cat equivalent of a smile.

Actually, a few more things that aren't clear in that post:

(1) I'd hope that the CPL wouldn't rehome a cat with you who's not suitable for a family, but if they have, there is NO SHAME in going back in 3 weeks' time, explaining that he isn't coping and talking to them about trying another adoption. That happened to a family who adopted one of our fosterees, though the cat they initially took sounds much more troubled than yours.

(2) when I mentioned quiet time above, I wondered if you could involve the children in this. He will be so much braver if he has a chance to look at them properly while they are still and quiet (or asleep!). Could you make a game of it with your DS, or let him nap on a blanket on the floor for once? I know he's very little and it would be out of routine, but it might pay dividends.

Attenborough (great name), brilliant, thanks. I'll look for a feliway diffuser tomorrow. He's just come back from his hide-out, and we've had a stroking session, but I think I'm doing that all wrong for some reason. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it. He was being a bit rough, and then sneezed and I jumped out of my skin! Poor cat.

Apparently he was a stray before, but obv they have no idea of his history.

Thanks for your advice.

Oh, I'm a bit cross with them. He sounds gorgeous, but they shouldn't really be giving you a cat that they don't know much about.

I bet you're not stroking him wrong - head to tail, and most cats particularly enjoy it if you have a good stroke between the ears. Hold your hand out in a fist a few inches away from him before you begin, for him to sniff you. That'll become second nature.

Do you stop when you get to the tail. or carry on stroking up the tail? (I know I know, I'm rubbish!).
He lifts his head up as if to indicate he wants his chin stroking, and I've been stroking under his chin and cheek area, and he turns over, which I thought means he wants his tummy stroking, but I'm not sure he really likes it. Yesterday he kind of bit me when I was doing it. It wasn't hard at all, maybe he was playing, but it's made me a bit wary. He wriggles a bit and kind of head butts my hand.

I hadn't seen him playing until tonight when I gave him a catnip mouse, and he was fairly vicious with it!

I took him up to dds room and he wandered around looking for dark spaces, but now he's lying on the sofa next to dh. Seems quite happy.

I probably wouldn't stroke his tail - though some cats really do like it, in which case you can trail the tail through your hand very lightly.

As for the tummy stroking - some cats adore it, but even they often seem to find it overstimulating and it makes them startled. He probably does like the tummy rub but can't relax into it just yet so I'd leave it until he's been with you for a bit longer, or do it with a feathery wand.

In any situation where he 'bites' you, withdraw and give him at least a few seconds to chill before going back to a normal interaction with him. As he didn't hurt you, I'm absolutely sure he was playing, and kittens bite each other constantly, but better for him to know straight away that it's just not on with humans.

That's all very good stuff though - he's taking huge strides. He likes to have his chin stroked, and headbutting you is the cat equivalent of a kiss! (When you're a mad old cat lady like me, you'll headbutt them back...)

He sounds completely fabbo.

Just one more thing. know this is ridiculous, but I'm not really sure how much to feed him. I've been giving him a pouch of wet food at 7am, and about half as much again of dry. He eats as much of that as he can unless dc see him. Then, at 5pm I give him a similar amount. He eventually eats it all. Tonight he has meen meowing so I gave him some dry food (about the equivalent of a pouch), then again an hour later. He's quite slim but not skinny. Am I feeding him too much?

Sorry, I know I need to chill about all this, but I have no idea which things matter iyswim.
He is lovely. Everything's clearer now I understand the headbutt thing.

My first cat, also a rescue cat, spent much of his first few weeks either hiding under the wardrobe or on top of it! But he got more confident as time went on and was great. I'm sure that will also happen with Gordon and your DC. Let it take as long as it needs.

I now have the world's hungriest cat but otherwise they seem to self-regulate and will leave what they don't want. So I would say feed him more if he seems hungry, but don't worry about it too much. He sounds great!

It's hard to know without seeing him but we tend to give put out about the same amount of dry as wet at breakfast, and then the same again in the evening. I don't lift the dry food up if he doesn't eat it straight away - I only pick the bowl up when the next bowl goes down, but there's normally a little bit left. I'd rather waste that tiny amount than not be sure whether the cat's still hungry.

Watch him over the next couple of weeks and see how his weight does - if he's slim now, he won't get overweight without you noticing! If he does get a bit plump, you can just cut back slightly. Bear in mind that he might put on a little weight before he starts to go outdoors because he isn't being quite so active, but he'll be burning much more off once he's able to go outside too.

Oh - as he's been a stray, that might well affect how he eats for a while. They normally go wild for wet food and shun the dry, but stick with it and they calm down. Leaving some dry out during the day will help to break the habit of scavenging constantly, though you might want to find somewhere where your DS can't easily get at it!

He sounds a bit like one of my two - he is actually a hugely affectionate cat, but only under his own terms! If you go to stroke him he'll often back off, but if you hold off he'll come and headbutt your hand furiously - when he was a small kitten you had to hold your hand out, and he would rub himself under it, but no actual stroking was allowed. He also loves a tummy rub and will get a bit excited, and scratch and bite a little, but is mostly quite gentle. Funny little creature. His brother is the one who lets me headbutt him back, quite pleased to hear this means I qualify as a mad cat lady!

Great, thank you.

Today he found a cupboard downstairs and the dc don't know he is there. I've moved his food and litter tray to be near him, and had a look in on him a couple of times, and he looks wide awake both times. He must be so bored! Both times I went to see him he was quite nervous and hid behind the cupboard. Can't see how he's ever going to feel relaxed around us and the dc if he is hiding away from where anyone goes.
Ah well, it's early days I guess.

It is very early days yet Minky - let him take his own time with this. As I said, my first cat was like this for weeks to start with but he became a hugely affectionate and playful cat who would sit in your lap, sleep on your feet in bed and chase balls. This is a big adjustment for him but he'll be fine.