Cat v ill - probably terminal. What should I tell the children

[WildRumpus]

My 16 year old cat is very ill. He's going back into the vets for further checks tomorrow but it looks like he has cancer. In which case we may have to make the difficult decision.

My daughter is 3 and sort of understands that he isn't well, but I have absolutely no idea how to explain death to her. I suppose it might be better to raise the subject before it actually happens?

I have experience from both sides of the table as a vet and a mummy. As a mummy of a now 6 year old we have had 5 pet bereavements in DDs life time. The first one DD was 3 years old and it was our very elderly cat we explained that he was very elderly and mummy couldn't make him better. We did the actually deed whilst she was asleep in bed, but we did show her his body afterwards so she really understood what dead meant and we had a funeral. The other 4 were murdered bunnies which she understands that wicked foxy loxy murdered them. Every time she has been very sad, but now understands death and it's rituals.
As a vet I believe this one of the reasons we have pets with children is to help them experience death and it's rituals whilst young. I encourage parents to offer even small children the chance to come on the final visit to the surgery and I really explain what is going to happen first.
Children are often much more resilient than us when rabbits 1 and 2 were murdered DD cried for around 3 minutes before asking when we could have new ones.

Depends on what you believe too, but for me telling DDs about heaven and the next life there helped us to get through losing our old dog. Perhaps that is an option for you?

My youngest son (5) accompanied us to the vets when it was time for our first guinea pig to be put to sleep due to having had a stroke. The remaining guinea pig died a few months later from old age.

I explained everything to him and he understood what was going on and that they were old and it was their time.

A few weeks ago, he said that he missed the guinea pigs and asked how long it had been since we'd "thrown them out"!!!!

He also still relates the tale of how our cat, Herman, had gotten "squashed in the road" - that happened when he was about 3.

Just be frank and honest really. Kids handle things better than you imagine.

There is a series of books about a cat called Mog by Judith Kerr. One is called Goodbye Mog and is about Mog dying. It was written as a way to introduce children to this topic. No idea whether these are good books as have never read them, but there are some good reviews on Amazon.

I don't know what timescale you are looking at for your pet, but if you could read it beforehand it might help.

I agree with the honest and matter of fact approach. The cat is very old for a cat, he is very ill and he will soon die. Dying means he won't be here anymore. He won't be ill any more.

Most kids take it very much in their stride - but they do ask lots of questions - especially if you bury the cat in the garden.

You are likely to be more upset than DC - don't be afraid to show that you are upset, and explain why.